Wow, Ruth, I read both of your blogs and it all seems so heavy! But I know that is your reality right now. I wish you could find that perfect place where you would be happy for Dick to live, be cared for the way you would care for him etc. With Mum I cared for her for two years and finally found Nareen Lodge which is dementia specific so they understand her needs and the progress of the disease. It is not the best facility but it is the best available here.

I know from my experiences with Mum and respite for Ray that it is all about accepting what there IS available and making the best choice you can and then living without regret. So my advice is look around, check out what is available and then when you run out of energy place him in that facility if you can. I am trialing a new place for Ray right now, it is a combined high and low care facility where everyone has their own rooms, they have nurses trained in dementia care and nurses who specialise in physical care so the best of both worlds. Because Ray has physical and mental needs the dementia lodge where my mum is is not really the place for him.

If you can get help from the Alzheimers Association I think you might be able to get more of an idea of what is available. Three hours of health aide assistance is fine but as you say you do miss just being able to jump in the car etc and get away for a while. Freedom goes when dementia comes into your life. I have some freedom, but just in how I choose to organize the schedule, not to come and go as I please. My answer is respite, a time when I can sleep through the night without the 3am "change" and don't have a little voice calling to pick up something which is well within his reach.

Few among our family and friends will understand what we are going through but like you I will take on the burden for as long as I can. We have been together so long, but I feel as if I no longer have the man that was once my husband, lover friend...that part of Ray has gone. I am left looking after the beloved body and sweet smile of a man who was once so much more. But so are many others and I salute them all.

(((Hugs))) from Sue.

Ruth,

I read both of your entries - God Bless you dear for all you have experienced and dealt with for the both you and Dick. Who would ever think on top of coping with stroke deficits one would also face the ramifications of Vascular Dementia.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for brighter days.

Sending you gentle (((hugs)))

Ruth,

All I can say is, do the best you can and don't beat yourself up on what you can't do or what is not in your power to do.. I know much harder done then said. No one is judging you (here anyway)

Hugs and prayers for you.. Anne

hey Ruth:

I read both of your entries, and you have been through lot in past few months. I agree with Sue & Anne. I personally think there is no harm in placing Dick in hursing home, you wil be still his caregiver, you will be monitoring his care there rather than doing heavy duty. I wish you lot of luck, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Asha

Ruth,

I am so sorry for all you have been through these past months and I hope that your situation improves soon. It's not easy carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you have certainly been tested to the limits.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sarah