Life is not about what was lost, but about what I've still got....

Breaking it down I feel Life is not about what the Beast, Brain Stem Stroke, took from me.....

It IS about my journey since that fateful day in 2003 and what God has carried me through and what has come back to me and the ability to continue my journey.

I haven't blogged with what has been going on in my life lately so I feel I want to share that in this post.

Last week was a bit stressful for me as there were three people who died all on Sunday. My friend that stroked a year and a half ago that I mentor and spend time with, her husband (they had separated) died, his landlord found him dead on the floor, he died from a heart attack. She wanted to spend the day with me on Tuesday so I had her over. She is doing really well. I just ask God to carry her through. She is such a blessing. My other (used to be really good friend) hubby died the same day and she found him on the floor, it looks as though he might have taken his life, I was going to go to his service but I didn't have a ride, well, I had gotten one and then they changed their mind. I think it was a sign for me to stay home and take care of Jan. Can't be all things to all people. I was going for the children's sake, they are 13 and 10. I know what an impact it left me when my Dad died and no one came to his service. It truly hurt me to think he went through his whole life and no one cared enough to pay their respects to him. He was alcoholic.... It was then and there I vowed I would make a difference in my life and touch others. I spoke to Cindy yesterday and explained why I wasn't there. There are a few things I am going to do to help her. We used to be the best of buds, however, since my stroke that all changed. Plus, she has two daughters and she got involved with Girl Scouts, etc. the interests of the girls and she made friends with those people. I have to realize that was the past and this is the here and now. I want to lend her my help as I lost my hubby when he was 39, her hubby was 42.

I was around her age when Paul died so I want to share my experience, strength and hope with her.

If I can help ease her pain and help her along the way, then I want to.

I went to see my Cardiologist last Thursday and she has some concerns, so this Thursday I am going for a few tests so if you could keep me in your prayers I would truly appreciate it. I love my Cardiologist and I trust her and feel very comfortable with her. She is the one that did my pre-op work up when I had my surgery last August. While leaving her office heading home, I saw the most awesome sign. It read, Life is about creativity and that is just what I am doing, Making the most out of each day.

I sat outside for four days straight a week ago, when the weather was so beautiful, however, the pollen truly got me and messed me up. I so enjoyed sitting out and a few people came up to talk with me and a new neighbor came up and introduced herself to me and said she would like to get together with me and get to know me. WOW, someone wants to get to know me..... I was truly blessed. Then we have hit a rainy patch, so I haven't been able to sit out.

Saturday, my dear friend Lisa came up from Virginia to spend the day with me along with her two children. She totally takes such good care of me and puts me first and calls them "Jan's Day" whatever I want to do we do. I tell her it should be about her children but she says they agree .... It's let's go spend the day with Jan. Everything they do is for me. I just feel so loved and well taken care of. She is the one who is taking me to the Ocean next month. We had a wonderful time. I haven't laughed that much in quite a while. The kids just go along with the plan and we all have such fun together. I thank God for the blessing of her. We met while working at Hughes Aircraft. She helped make my shower better accessible for me and finally, at long last, I have shower bars up. YEAH, now I won't be afaid of falling. I would hate to have to call 911 cuz I fell. I don't think that would be a good experience. It's bad enough when I fall as it is.

The one thing I got to do yesterday was make my Ryleigh Olivia a bear for her upcoming birthday. She is pink and adorable as can be. I taped a little something special and they put it in the paw and when she finds it, it will say: Hi Ryleigh, Happy First Birthday, We love you, Mom Mom and Grandpop and Harley

Wayne was very happy to see the bear and said that was really a special idea. I got a little T-Shirt that I put on her that says Happy Birthday and I picked out a little Birthday Cupcake with one candle on top that you put on the bears hands. All in all, it is so adorable. I tell you what, whoever ame up with that idea of Build A Bear was a genius. They have ten dollar bears but the cost comes in when the kids see all the little outfits and shoes and so on and so on. The clothes are very costly. But, I wanted to make Ryleigh a little bear because it is her first birthday and this way she will have it as a special gift from Mom Mom and Grandpop.

I so enjoyed watching all the children making their bears. It is so cute, you pick out what you want to build, get in a line and they stuff it, but first you have to pick out a satin heart and give it a kiss and make a wish, then they put it in, then if u want to record a lil saying, etc. then after it is sewed together, then you take it to the wash and dry section, there, you wash your bear and then dry it off, then it is ready to dress, etc. the very last stop is the adoption section. you get a birth certificate and all, it is really a very saavy adventure.

They had a birthday party going on and the kids were all going wild.

My lil Harley lost his favorite toy his Baby, I am thinking Sandy, she comes to help us out during the week, might have picked it up to throw out. I pray not, we have told her before to just leave it as that is his security blanket. Sure, it is yucky, sure Harley has chewed Babies tail off, his ears are gone, and his head is mostly off, but still that is his fav thing. He is walking around all sad looking, we have looked everywhere. I had gotten him a new one last year but he won't give it the time of day. Tonight, Wayne got it and threw it and he did run after it and picked it up and took a few steps then dropped it and looked at us as if he was thinking and trying to say to us: No way Jose, I'm not gonna fall for that go get fake baby thing. I am smarter than that. We have looked everywhere, it is no where in site.

My power wheelchair is coming Monday. I am so excited. Only problem is Monday it is suppose to be rainy. I hope it will not start until I take my first ride and see how it is while the people are still here. It is my ticket to freedom ....whoooo hoooooooooooooooooo I plan on going down to the bay daily. Wayne is having a problem with that. He isn't comfortable with me going by myself. I explained to him I will bring my cell phone, a bottled water, etc. It is only a half a mile from my front door. I, personally, need to leave the nest of Brain Stem Stroke House arrest. I need to spread my wings and go down to the bay and enjoy my days. I told him I appreciate all the special care he has given me since I came home from rehab, however, I need to do this for myself and that GOD with me carrying me. Look at the awesome job he has done. I have a feeling, he will let me get down there and then he and Harley will be spying on me. I hope he understands my feelings .... I want to feel as though I can make strides in my recovery.

The other day I was in the store and I saw the words Independent on a really cute little pillow that you put on a door knob, it is pink and green and has little bells on it. When I saw it I thought WOW I really want that because of the word on it and yes, I am trying to get Independent. So I looked at the price of it and it was only three dollars, so I have it right here beside my computer. I look at the word every day thoughout the day and I focus on that word. The Beast, Brain Stem Stroke may have taken my perf vision and I can no longer drive, BUT, I can progress in my recovery. I am trying with everything in me to become Independent. I think Wayne is having a hard time with it. I truly understand. But, I need to try.

It was really neat being with Lisa because since she doesn't see me regularly, she has an honest view as to how she thinks I am doing. She said, Jan, you have really improved since the last time we were together and she went and explained in what ways. I said, really, you could tell all of that? She said YES.... She made my day. I think because Wayne sees me on a daily basis, he doesn't see it. So, thank God for little miracles. It has given me the boost I needed. So, world, up and onward I shall go. She also shared with Wayne the ways she feels I have improved.

We will be leaving in a few weeks for the Ocean. I'm so excited about our trip and it will give Wayne time for himself. He needs that. But, I know if he is this concerned about me going a half mile to the Bay, goodness, maybe I shouldn't tell him I might go surfing and shoot the curl and hang ten. What do you all think?

:roflmao: All in all, I am truly blessed I have a Caregiver who truly cares. My Cardiologist told me she feels he has Caregiver Burnout. I totally agreed. I wish he would go to the Caregiver chat and read the posts about it. I have printed out some info for him.

I have two ladies who come weekly, so that is helping out. They are a blessing.

Well, gang, I need to try to get some sleep. It's like Christmas Eve and I'm getting my wheelchair today. But, I need to get some rest. I hope the weather holds out until I get my first ride in so the person bringing it can fix things if it is needed.

Thanks for reading my thoughts. I hope things are going well for you.

Please keep my friends in your prayers, Fate's wife, Cat, Amy's Mom, Nancy, A Liver can be found for Lindy's transplant, For Mary and Cindy on the loss of their hubby's, for my tests on Thursday. For Harley that we can find his Baby. For Wayne to start feeling better and for his Drs appt this week and his possible upcoming surgery. For peace in the world. For our Leader, Steve Mallory, for continued good health.

For all our members. Thanks for stopping by. Y'all come again,ya hear? :sleazy:

Believe In Miracles and SOAR