Winter is always a time when the deaths in the neighbourhood and among family and acquaintances increase. We have lost a couple of much older friends so far this winter but Friday night another one of our Apex 40 members died. Ray and I were both shocked as it was another of our younger members, not one of those frailer members who we would have expected to die this winter. But that is how death is sometimes - sudden, unexpected, unrelated somehow to what seems to be happening. The good and the bad can both die young.

Lynn (male) had been a member of our Club for many years, a great storyteller he had run for office in state parliament at one time. He lost his wife to a toxic virus in 2005 and after recovering from his grief managed to travel and fulfill some of his dreams, albeit alone. Then he had a stroke, was in a coma, came back from hospital to rehab and eventually into a SNF as none of his family would be a full-time caregiver which was what he needed then. He had right side deficits, no speech, apraxia etc and a fierce anger over what had happened to him. He developed heart problems, leg ulcers and battled depression and his anger issues.

Apex 40 Club members have gone out of their way to make sure they kept in touch with him to the extent of hiring a small wheelchair friendly bus so he could come to meetings before he was able to stand and transfer into his daughter's car. Ray and I have kept in touch and the last couple of respites Ray has been to the facility where Lynn lived and enjoyed spending time with him as a result. All in all his recovery had been good and he could speak slowly, understand most of what was being said and even attempted telling a joke a couple of meetings ago. But on Friday night he had a massive heart attack and went to meet his Maker.

So early next week I will go to his funeral. Ray will be at Camp Breakaway from Tuesday to Friday and I was hoping to get on with some study....right. Not a good chance of that I'd say. But not going to the funeral is not an option. Both his children who live locally have been good to him, taking him out of the hostel for special meals and family occassions and just recently taking him away for four days to catch up with No2 daughter who has two year old twins who he adored. So it is special to not only say "goodbye" to our friend but "well done" to his children for what they did for him. We all need to do that, thank family members for the effort they have made.

Which brings me to ageing. We are all doing it. Those of us with glasses can take them off when we look in the the mirror, keep ourselves busy and forget the wrinkles, lumps and bumps, under chin hairs etc. But sooner or later we catch a sight of ourselves and...who is that? Which explains why we post our friends pictures taken in 2008 and pretend it is today or take 10 lbs off our weight, or make out our children are younger than they are (I've got a friend who does that) everything except to be honest that we too are ageing. Which means we miss out on some of joys of life, ageing gracefully and enjoying the stage of life that we are in right now. I missed a school reunion while I was away, the next one, in five years time will be 50 years since we all left high school. Hmmmm...now how old will that make us all?

I constantly get phone calls from friends saying someone is sick in their extended family. With less people involved in churches these days I guess it is getting harder to find someone who will say: "I'll add them to my prayer list." If you weren't a praying person yourself would you want that? Seems so by the number of phone calls I get. Not that I mind, praying for people is one of the things that I do. I try not to add too many people to the list though, I have burdens enough without taking on more people to be concerned for. But as I said the ratio of needed prayers to praying people seems to be increasing. So I think of myself as a prayer partner with a multitude of angels praying with me.

Ray is well but had a few problems earlier in the week, the result , I think of a late night and some unwise eating. I wish I could eat some of the food he can, icecream, creamy sauces...yummy but not for me. Well not for Ray either in that particular combination it would seem...unless of course he had a tummy bug as he told people he did...lol. And Ray isn't good at doing without sleep. Too many days without a nice long afternoon nap and he becomes tired and cranky and unco-ordinated and then we have falls and spills. It is so simple...those fatigue issues never really go away.

Mum is well, she was asleep when I saw her on Thursday. I needed to see her as she had had another fall and the unit manager always leaves a message for me..in case I want to see her. She appears to be okay, no visible damage thank goodness. I saw her Friday and spent about an hour with her. I sit and hold her hand, or sing softly or just relax and stay beside her for a while. Sometimes she acknowledges my presence and sometime she doesn't, it no longer matters to me. It is as if we occupy the same space but in alternate realities.

I can't sleep some nights, I have her and Ray on my mind too much. Now where is that relaxation tape? I think I need a virtual vacation.