Today is my birthday. For the past few years it was common that no one remembered my birthdays. Certainly not Dick. This year was different. I guess because of Facebook so many friends were able to share a Birthday note. It was a small thing but I appreciated it. My youngest came up first thing with a gift of a Sweeny Todd movie. The older girls tried to be the first to congratulate there old lady by calling just as the clock past midnight. Nothing big nothing showy but somehow just having my birthday acknowledge was something that made me feel good.

This year has been full of surprises and challenges. I know have 5 inpatient hospitalizations as well as numerous ER trips. During the hospitalizations Dick has had to stay in nursing facilities since I could not care for him. Without health insurance I simply do not know who to handle the bills. We are having to give up the last of our luxuries. I believe that what we are facing is typical of the struggles that so many other families are struggling.

It has a tendency to pull me down at times. Constant pain, constant medication needs, constant lack of time and a constant lack of energy blogs me down and at times seems so overpowering to overcome. I verbally and emotionally beat myself up for not having everything organized and running smoothly. Some days seem so hopeless I do not even want to try so I vegetate away reading books or watching movies.

Then I feel so guilty for not stopping to see what I still have. My husband is changed and does need my care 24/7 but I still have him. He is not a vegetable do though it is difficult; he can go places and do things. The use of his affected arm is improving dramatically. In fact much of my husband