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A little surprise this weekend


justsurviving

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Bob & I are getting settled really well in the new house. Bob decided this was the weekend to paint the kitchen. Somehow, I had enough other things to do that I got out of that! ^_^

 

One of the tasks was to (finally) organize our bedroom closet. I attacked it with fervor! As I was finishing up with the shelf and hangers, I found the running t-shirts from the November 13, 2005 10k race. I had a TIA at the starting line of that race and stroked a few hours later. I didn't expect to find the shirts and they were so carefully folded and my running number placed with them. It really surprised and shocked me.

 

Even more surprising was the onslaught of emotions that resulted after the find. The shocking difference of November 12, 2005 and November 13, 2005 really hit me hard. How I so blatantly disregarded the TIA at the starting line. How I tried to convince Bob not to call 911. The pain and utter loneliness of the first few weeks of recovery. The passive thoughts of suicide (passive thoughts of suicide = wishing I hadn't survived; active thoughts of suicide = planning or thinking about upcoming death). A colleague really helped me through that last part. He said "I'm so glad that you survived." Much like myself, he is rather blunt, but honest. That helped more than he knows - thanks, Thomas!

 

I actually just had to stop organizing the closet to get out of the confined space and sort through my feelings. I didn't get back to it and I suspect that I won't for awhile. I have to calm down for a little while before I can tackle it again.

 

Sometimes reality really smacks you upside the head, doesn't it?

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Wow, Sherri, that's pretty powerful stuff you just shared. I won't pretend to know what you're going through - this experience is all your own and no one else's. You alone are dealing with the pain and realization of what happened to you and no matter how similar anyone else's experiences are, they're not identical. I would imagine that this kind of grief and mourning for what you had and lost - your whole sense of identity and sense of self - can be unbearable at times. I know you'll work through it as you're one of the strongest people I know. I wish I could do more to assist you on this journey. *hugs*

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What a mind boggler! That is a jolt to the memory system.

You are amazing! I get so much from your sharing.

I am so glad that you are a survivor!

I get alot of inspiration from you ...

Thank you for sharing from you heart. You are so good at it.

Ruth

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