(Originally posted February 21, 2009)

The longer I watch J.J. endure what's happening to him, the more I am irritated about the fact that anyone has to go through this. This stroke has stripped away every last shred of dignity from my proud, stubborn, self-sufficient husband.

Another thing that bothers me (and why I spend so much time at the hospital) is that J.J. is viewed by the medical personnel as only another stroke patient. No one cares that his favorite color is midnight blue, that he puts Tabasco on almost everything he eats, that he lovingly refers to his children as "Chaos" and "Havoc" (it doesn't sound loving, but it is), that even after we've been married all these years, he still occasionally proposes to me; that he is an excellent cook, a stern but fair disciplinarian and the "fun parent" in this house. The nurse who has been caring for him for the last three days is still calling him Jay, and J.J. can't even correct her because for some reason proper nouns (like names) have been lagging in his speech. I have family pictures hung all over the boards in J.J.'s room, because I want everyone to see him as I know him and to see the beautiful, hectic, crazy life he has that he needs to return to.

I know I keep saying that J.J.'s speech is getting better. He's expressing far more complex thoughts now and is rarely content with giving just a yes/no answer. His speech is not slurred at all anymore and although it's slow since he has to find the words, his voice sounds just like it always has. His eyes are back to tracking together. His smile is straight again. When he smiles, he has crinkles around both of his eyes (the muscles on the right side of his face had been slack before). He ate dinner tonight solely with his right hand to prove to himself that he could (although he ate with a spoon to keep from dropping everything). If we could just figure out what's wrong with his right foot, I don't think he'd even need that walker. His tests should be read first thing in the morning, so hopefully we'll know what's wrong then and will be able to start treating it right away.

Eli and Leah will be home tomorrow and after church we will be going to visit their dad. Please send thoughts/prayers that this goes well. J.J. looks exactly like he did last week (well, about ten pounds lighter and in a hospital bed, but that's about all the change) so I think that will reassure the kids.

Time to go do my evening chores, force down something for dinner and get to bed. See you tomorrow!