(Originally posted May 27, 2009)

Things can change so much in a day. J.J. is in significant pain today and has spent the day hopped up on Vicodin and dosing in an armchair downstairs with an ice pack on his knee. Here in a minute I will go down and rouse him enough to feed him some more Vicodin. When it has kicked in, I'll get him up for a shower. He's supposed to have his neuropsychologist appointment tomorrow, but honestly, I think it may be a waste of time for him to go. Because he's in so much pain and because of the Vicodin, he's barely able to communicate today. It's very discouraging.

And that leads me to the topic of tonight, stress. I was just thinking as I was hanging up some laundry that if I could, I would go back in time and tell the Erin I used to be to stop being so wound up all the time. I used to think I had a stressful life. I didn't. Stress is asking your husband ten times a day to smile for you so you can make sure his face isn't drooping (one of the signs of stroke). Stress is not being sure when (and even if) he'll return to work. Stress is having your heart beat out of your chest every time you call home and he doesn't answer. Stress is listening to your four year old daughter doctor her baby doll because Dolly had a stroke. Stress is abandoning all of your hobbies in favor of studying new therapy techniques and attending support groups. Stress is fitting all of this into a schedule along with your job that requires well over 40 hours a week of your time. That is stress.

My life is so hard right now, and I know I have no room to complain, because I should be thanking God that I have the opportunity for it to be so complicated. And I do, believe me. It's just very, very wearing to never have down time.

And now I must go wait on the invalid again...