One Year
Well Bruce is nearing his one year anniversary and I am looking back at the year and the progress he has made. He had a down time just after Christmas when we could not get the long leg brace on. He was walking a city block and then the "tone" kicked in. Botox and Zanaflex have helped and he is now walking with just an AFO and assistance, but we are back in June - slow, painful. But he is at least using the muscles and not depending on a brace to support him. Arm is very slow, but he has made it to the bike machine, shoulder back in socket, nothing on hand yet. All these gains and still I am so depressed, I don't want to get up in the morning and then count the hours until I can get back in bed. Days are his schedule and I think, since routine is now set and I have more time to myself, I find myself with no life. I am considering leaving him for a short time alone, maybe a walk or quick shop, but am so afraid he will get hurt. Our winter has been relatively mild, so we are out every day. I read. My house is cleaner than it has ever been - I'm not a housekeeper and yesterday I found myself making salmon pate, just to pass time until the next task-toileting, pills, meal etc. I'm not a crafter - bad hands.I am considering writing, but am afraid it will just make the depression worse. I have been told by therapy I need to step back and assist not do. Bruce is responding very well to this - he wants his independence, although the therapists suggested I may get resistance at first, need to stand pat; but he has stepped up in many areas - personal grooming, getting his own drinks, coffee; WC'ing around the house. Speech improves daily. We now have actual conversations and he is voicing himself more. So, am I just being a big baby? Suggestions as to things I can maybe do, while in the house and within earshot?
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