Debbie, take it easy. You did not over-do his exercise program etc, you used the window of opportunity as best you could to help his recovery. Tell unhelpful friends to butt out unless they want to take over for a week or two while you go to Vegas or the resort of your choice!

Any suggestion that any of this is your fault is bunkum. Mostly no-one is at fault, we are just all doing this for the first time with no formal training and no-one mapping out a program for us to follow. You are a good wife and caregiver, you are concerned andloving and left your own career etc behind and have concentrated your energies on Bruce. Bravo!

I tell Ray: "50% of this life is mine" so 50% of the time he has to do what I want him to do. Then I let him sit on the verandah or on his favourite chair and do his word puzzles( he is not a tv watcher) or go to bed or whatever. I always say we share one life now as neither of us has a life of our own. Stroke survival past a certain point is like that for those who genuinely do need a caregiver. Joined at the hip is how Ray and I live.

Watching our lovely intelligent, handsome, efficient, hard-working men turn into an invalid, a slowly recovering stroke survivor or just someone who takes to their beds is unfortunately part of the post-stroke journey for many of us. I visit a nursing home where people as young as Ray and with less deficits are permanent residents. I tell Ray it is because their primary caregiver could not do the things I do every day for him. And I believe that to be true.

Ask Bruce's doctor is there some medication for the insomnia, ask the pharmacist, the PT, OT etc the same question and someone will come up with an answer or a routine or a process that will help. Keep your own routine calm and get as much sleep as you can. You are precious as part of our caring community and we don't want you breaking down too.

Sue.

bbie,

I agree with Sue. You took the opportunity and went for the recovery. I kept hearing that physical recovery at the beginning is very important. yes, I stressed it Again, we are not trained stroke caregivers. We are learning from the seat of our pants. We have to take and an ide and go with it.

Yesterday, We attended the funeral of a dear friend. It was a beautiful service. Early in the morning I told William that there was no question we were going to the funeral. I told him that we were going to the pool. There are some non-negotionables. i set these up the night before and stress them again first thing in the morning.

William said that he surprised himself yesterday. He did well at the funeral and the luncheon that followed.

William used to need a sleeping pill every night. I got 10 mg generic Ambien. I cut it in half and give him one. He would ask for a sleeping pill every night. I let this go on for a few months. Then I cut it down. I told him that he did not need one every night. I would ask him to try to sleep with out one. If he couldn't sleep then I would give him a half of a pill. Now, he doesn't even a sleeping pill at all. I even tried benadryl. He was complaining of allergies and I know that bendryl is a sleeping aid. It did both.

I am fortunate that William is usually very tired. I encourage him to sleep when he is tired or else he is cranky.

Sitting in a chair will let his legs swell up. William puts his legs up in the recliner. William also loves to watch TV.

When I get home at 10P. i encourage william to stay up with me until midnight. That maybe why he is exhausted and falls asleep.

You are doing a terrific job.

I have found that William needs guidance. If I let him have his way. He would just sleep and sit all day long.

Ruth