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One Woman's Anger at the Universe


suzie-q

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I have always hated the saying, "Things happen for a reason." I don't buy that. Please don't take offense, I just think it simplifies things too much. This is not to say that good things can't come from bad, because I think many good things have come from the fact that I had a stroke.

That being said, my heart hurts tonight for two of my dearest friends. As mentioned in a previous blog, I have a friend with stage four cancer. She has a one year old daughter, and her chemo treatments have had what the doctors call "mixed results." She is making the trip tomorrow to MD Anderson in Texas to see if they can help her. She is only 34 years old. She endured a great deal of heartache and disappointment to finally experience the joy of motherhood, and now she may not see her daughter grow up. There is no reason for this. Period.

My second hurt is for a friend who discovered some emails yesterday between her husband and another (much younger) woman. She is, as you can imagine, devastated because these weren't just vanilla emails. This "other" woman is very well aware he is married and so they are both guilty.

Both of these stories make me ANGRY. I want to scream at the universe, "WHY ARE THESE THINGS HAPPENING TO SUCH GOOD PEOPLE? THEY DON'T DESERVE THIS. NO ONE DOES."

Another friend told me today, "Listen, this isn't about you. Stop worrying about it." I couldn't do that if I wanted to. These are people I love, and I want to help them. And that is what hurts so much. I know there isn't anything I can do to make any of this go away. I know I am not a superhero. I know I can't fix everything. I am not naive enough to believe I can. I have just never been good at watching people I love suffer.

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Don't know if this is relevant or not. When I was young I lived in a village with a lot of old people so I though everyone lived to be old. As I grew up I had a friend die aged eight of brain cancer, another at twelve, result of an accident, a third at fifteen, drowned, another at 20, diabetic coma and so I learned that people die. Good people die.We may have an animal body but I also believe we have a spirit that lives on. If I am wrong then I know that we still live on in the hearts and minds of those who love us.

 

I am very sorry for your friends who are so ill, I know if doesn't seem fair but as I learned from a child people do die young. Those of us who survive have to carry their memories with us and tell each other stories about them to keep their memories going, and in that way they live on.

 

Sue.

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Suzie, just as with all of us here what people need is just support and a listening ear. How often we all read here "The doctors just don't know". As hard as that can be to accept, mostly that is the answer. Its nice to have a reason for the sake of closure, but sometimes one just isn't provided. I am not big on stuff happens for a reason, but stuff does happen to good people. One of my best friends has had one medical condition after another for the past five years and these are really odd, unrelated conditions, This once brillant, vibrant woman is a shell at this point, and yet she calls or emails at least twice a week to see if she can help me. Definitely get angry and yell, then when it is all out pick up the phone or visit. You know yourself that concern alone can relieve a heavy heart, just knowing someone loves me. Debbie

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