I have gone back to photo scanning to make the post-funeral PowerPoint presentation for my mum. I thought I would do this while she is still alive as I am sure I couldn’t be bothered when I am in mourning for her. It features photos from every section of her life, the oldest dated 2nd August 1925 when she would have been seven.

She is still well, not speaking, mostly sleeping sitting up in the “loungeroom” with the other ladies. The aides say that occasionally she participates in an activity, shakes a rattle to the music program they do Tuesdays and Thursdays, plays with items stitched to a felt tablecloth, runs strings of beads through her fingers. It is so minimal her activity now but in the severe stages of dementia that is how it is.

She was “asleep” on Tuesday when I was there but she has a thickened drink and I fed it to her on a spoon and although she appeared almost unconscious when the spoon touched her lips the mouth opened and she swallowed it down. It is the interest in food that keeps you alive towards the end, the good eaters survive longer apparently.

People ask me why I still visit as she doesn’t know me, has not said my name for probably three years or so, sometimes doesn’t even acknowledge that I am there. I go because I love her, want her to have the best life possible and know that by visiting her the aides etc get to see her more as the person I see her as. I know that doesn’t make sense to a lot of people but it does to me.

Ray and I have had a good week. I say now that that just means there has been no major upsets only the kind that I am used to dealing with. Ray has no infections and so his behaviour is in the normal range. I think it helped that our daughter and her family came as the fact that they had not visited us in a while may have worried him as much as it worried me.

We all know families can get beyond being interested in their oldies and decide that “out of sight is out of mind” so it worried me that they stayed away so long. Our daughter was going to ring with some dates we might like to go down there but that didn’t happen so I am wondering if they really want us to visit again. I hope that it just means they have been busy this week and it slipped her mind.

No major events this week, we did go out to lunch on Thursday, which was nice. The last Kids Club this week so I get three weeks off and Ray gets to sleep Wednesday afternoons for three weeks. I love the kids but they are really manipulative and often disruptive, disorganized and down right rebellious to I often come home feeling as if I have wrestled with alligators not just played handball in the yard and organized craft activities for a dozen or so 5-12 year olds.

Lets say winter is still lingering. Last night it was down to almost freezing again. I had to go and find my hot water bottle, which I had packed away. I wish spring would actually get here. I planted out a few herbs today, I have plenty of mint sprung up already, parsley, oregano and still a few chives but they are weedy and need replacing. I’ve just planted out coriander seedlings and some chilies because although I don’t like them the boys do so I can give them away. I planted out some lettuce seedlings too but usually lose them to the snails. I don’t have the heart to kill off the snails with pellets so will have to be vigilant.

I love the birds being so busy this time of the year. They fly through our front verandah narrowly missing us sitting there, it is scary but hilarious to see Ray duck when they are long past him. I am trying to sit out with him a little time each day although I am often busy with chores inside. As a caregiver I can be too busy doing things FOR him that I fail to do things WITH him.

Tomorrow Trev is looking after Ray for a few hours while I have lunch with some of the Stroke support group caregivers. They go out every month but since it has mostly been Sunday lunches and I go to church it has been a while. I was pleased they decided on Saturday lunch for a change. Trev has done a few little things for me this week. He is a good son. Not perfect but pretty good, like the rest of us.