I guess we can be of help to others wherever we go. I have been down to visit with my daughter and her family for five days. I wouldn’t say it was as good as where they live now as when they lived in Cairns and I had those lovely mini tropical vacations but it is still good to be there with them all. I love them and I miss them and it is special to be with them.

Unfortunately the rain and the untimely cold weather lasted throughout the visit. I had only taken a few clothes so they saw me in the same thing with variations day in and day out. We didn’t get a lot of rain but it rained on and off most days. We got out for one long walk beside the lake but it was raining by the time we finished. Their two big dogs enjoyed it anyway, more than we humans did, who are fussy about the rain and getting wet!

While I was down there I was just taken along when they did their work so I got to go to a luncheon for over 55's, a Home League meeting and a playtime group called Mini Music, for the under fives – quite a contrast in terms of who I saw and what they said but at each one I was able to share some of my life, hear other’s stories and share some of my experiences.

At the end of the dinner I found myself sitting with four other caregivers and we had a mini support group meeting out of which (I hope) will come a lunch for Caregivers once a month. In any area there are too few support meetings to go to and a lunch once a month should be accessible for a few people at least. I think my son-in-law liked the idea and would support it.

I found that with the older ladies they just saw caregiving as their lot in life. They had often cared for parents and now cared for their husband or in one case brother. They didn’t seem to think it was harsh that their retirement years had been gobbled up, except for one lady about my age who spoke wistfully of the holidays her friends had overseas and said with a sigh: “That was meant to be us.” I could so relate to that. And one Mum who had a daughter with a disability and had cared for her most of her life and asked: “Who would not do what I am doing?” I thought that was what applied to some of you here too.

I wonder do children ever see us as PEOPLE? not just as Mum or Dad but the ones you feel sorry for and give a helping hand to? I wonder if they see themselves as capable of giving a helping hand? Maybe not, maybe we simply didn’t train them to care for others? I can say that my daughter has some sympathy for me but sees what she herself does in her caring job as a reason that is holding her back from being here, our older son uses his wife and three kids as the excuse and our younger son does do what he can as you know from past blogs.

I discussed some of my current needs with my daughter but she still seems unable to give me a time when she can come here. It is as though she has the intention but not the priority to do some of the things I want her to do. I can understand this in a way as her life is busy with “helping others” and I would be just one more person on her list. I want her to sign some legal paperwork but she thinks there is “plenty of time”. Do we have that plenty of time I wonder?

I am having trouble getting the family together for Christmas as it is. We had planned a "weekend before Christmas" party at Shirley’s place but now that has fallen apart. I wish I could get the family to consider their FATHER for a change, and their mother as his caregiver. Ray’s condition is deteriorating, this year I should be able to get him down to Shirley’s, next year I may not be able to. This year I have no intention of putting on a Christmas Day lunch for them all, I don’t want to and I don’t intend to. I know that sounds selfish but I have done it for so many years that when Craig volunteered to cook us a nice dinner I jumped at the chance. Please couldn’t the family just co-operate for once?

Was my respite break a success? I’ll tell you when I have looked after Ray again for a few days. I have to pick up Ray from respite in the morning, go see my mum in her nursing home and pick up some food lest we starve, or have a very strange diet. It is good to be home again though.