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A Blog of Funnies From Fred


fking

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Teacher Arrested...

 

I found this funny because of the play on words...Funny enough to Blog! The true Fred, always laughing and making others laugh as well!

 

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

 

At a morning press conference, the U.S. attorney general said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

 

He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

 

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," the attorney general said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

 

When asked to comment on the arrest, President George W. Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes!!!"

 

Now...Sherlock and Watson

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

 

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

 

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

 

"What does that tell you?"

 

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

 

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent." Smart minds! :rolleyes:

 

And Then...

 

Oneliners to make you smile some more!

 

 

Winter isn't cold, it's heat challenged

 

The speed of time is one-second per second.

 

I think of book-burning as "English lit"

 

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

 

Life is too short to proofread.

 

Join the I.R.S. - Be Audit You Can Be!

 

Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day? :big_grin:

 

I'm calling it finished for today, but please tell me what you think of my blog...It's the true funny me cause I'm so mad I can't get my wireless printer I bought yesterday to work with my new computer!

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thanks Fred - enjoyed the humor, especially since it's 3 a.m. and I can't sleep. lol Do you have someone who's into computers who can help you with the printer?? If not, you might just have to hire a computer geek to set it up for you. I've been putting off getting a new computer because I dread the thought of having to transfer all my personal stuff off the old one.

 

Sarah

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dear fred this is why i asked to be put on your friend list. once again you made me smile and laugh. please keep it coming and lightening the load.You-Rock.gifpash.gif blessing mlp

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Fred what an interesting blog. Thanks for the huckles. Fred dont ever change. Humor is so important. I have gone through a lot of bumps in the road because of humor or my sense of humor. Keep them coming Fred.

 

mc

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oh fred you know your humour has cabeen the cause ofmy continue of recovery they say that laughter is the best medicine and fred you know so many good joke and you tell it with even mor flar you should be able to dance the jig, thank you so munch for all that you have done to keep my spirit high and my recovery in overdrive you da man fred

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Sarah, I tried the computer people locally, they are too high, 90 dollars an hour with an estimate of 3 hours to really fix the problems.

 

I had a friend to stop in yesterday, we got a lot done with the computer but couldn't get the printer to go wireless. So I got HP stateside and he helped a lot, that's free! The biggest problem is window7 and having to get microsoft office home and business 2010. Home and student doesn't have email, it has live mail, in my opinion that is nothing.

 

I had them both loaded at one time but now I'm slowly uninstalling a bunch of stuff and it works much better already. Now, I gotta get the printer to print.

 

I don't think you can buy a new computer without windows7 installed. I'm hating that edition of windows already. My laptop I bought a couple years ago has window Vista installed.

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