• entries
    813
  • comments
    3,773
  • views
    233,980

just get over it


swilkinson

996 views

“Get over it” how many times have you heard that? Or maybe you have said it, to a child, to a spouse or to a sibling: “Just get over it!”

 

We went down to visit our daughter and her family on Friday; we were to be there for six days and come home on Thursday. We went with Trev, his fiancée Edie and her son Lucas. We had a good easy trip down and were greeted with love and we had a lovely two days. On Saturday we had a meal fit for a king as my son-in-law is a mighty fine cook, his brother is a chef and he has passed on a lot of tips and so the food was melt-in-your-mouth, wonderful food.

 

Our other family were supposed to come, had said they were coming but didn’t actually come. It is a long story, you know what families are like sometimes, can’t co-ordinate their dates. So the rest of us got out the gifts and exchanged them and it was really nice to see the kids’ faces light up as they always do. Funny thing is a $1 set of paints was the hit of the day and several kids and a couple of grownups did painting as their after nap activity. Isn’t that always the way? You can buy absolute treasures but it is something commonplace that satisfies.

 

Ray had been off color for a couple of days and on Thursday the shower nurse pointed out that his left foot didn’t look good around the heel so we left his shoes off all day and it looked better on Friday. But just to be on the safe side I did take him to the doctor who declared it the result of diabetic neuropathy which we know Ray has as a result of his strokes and 20 years as a diabetic.

 

The problem seemed okay on Saturday and it did not look so bad when I gave him a shower. It was difficult to shower him in a tiny recess with no hand bars or anywhere really to stand. I managed but I must say with my teeth gritted as I showered him with a Tupperware jug in one hand and a bottle of shampoo in the other. I just managed and that was all. So Trev went out to a hardware store and came back with a shower head on a flexible hose and fitted it, bless him, and Sunday's shower was so much easier to do.

 

We farewelled Trev and family on Sunday morning as Edie had an evening shift that night. The rest of us went to church on Sunday to see the young people do most of the service and our granddaughter played in the Junior Timbrels and with the biggest smile on her face. This time there were cakes and slices as well so Ray really tucked into them. It was a wonder he could fit in the lovely lunch, but he managed.

 

We had a little nap and then back to the Corps for Christmas Carols and a sausage sizzle with the jumping castle inside as by this time it was raining. Neighbourhood kids came and went, jumping, eating and enjoying it all. It is great that with a little outlay you can give them such a great time. The Salvation Army is known for their work among those less fortunate and this was a great example. Long may it continue to happen.

 

We were looking forward to the rest of the week and the excitement they had planned for us but Monday morning when I went to shower Ray I noticed he grimaced as he walked and seemed to be walking on tippy toes and then noticed a great blood blister hanging from his heel. Panic stations, as visions of gangrene and surgery and an amputated leg flashed into my mind.

 

The short version of what followed is that we all agreed we should come home, that day, as soon as Shirley had organized other people to take over her Monday and some of her Tuesday activities. So we did come home, driving through Sydney traffic with a lot of the intersections manned by police officers as traffic lights were out due to a big wind storm the night before. We went straight to the doctor and he said the same as he had on Thursday, diabetic neuropathy, no medication, no cure, maybe a future appointment with a vascular surgeon and for now bed rest, painkillers and an ice pack if needed.

 

I have had a lot of loss in my life and this was just one more, loss of time with my grandkids. It somehow cut me to the heart and this morning I was crying as I remade our bed yet again because Ray had had an "accident". Ray told me it was all my fault, as he usually does and I should “just get over it”. And I suppose I will, as I have all the other losses and disappointments. But for now I want to just have some time to myself. I need that to get over something like this.

 

And so what happened today? I was asked to mind my older granddaughter. I suppose that helped, as at least I was able to enjoy her company for four hours while her parents bought last minute Christmas gifts without the children present to see what was being bought. Lukie came over for a while and we played golf on the Wii, a game in which he is the champion and I am the chump. I guess it all helps to alleviate some of the pain. But I’m human and can’t always “just get over it” that quickly.

7 Comments


Recommended Comments

Awwwwwww Sue I really dont know how you care givers manage at all, We must have our tea and know that I take to heart all the wisdom you have compiled as I am being challenged to go from cared for to caregiver and a unique blend as who is able to do what for whom when, uhm.gif That is to say its a lot like the blind leading the blind around here. Sigh Still no news One day at a time is alot to manange.

Link to comment

Sorry you had to cut your visit short. I hope Ray's foot heals without any more drama for him or you.

 

I know how it feels to look forward to something so much and it doesn't work out... We know where our priorities are, but, as humans we still need time to get over it and "lick our wounds" (no pun intended, lol)

 

Merry Christmas, thinking and praying for you and Ray.

 

Hugs Anne

Link to comment

Sue,

 

In the 6-1/2 years since Gary's stroke, we have had to deal with many disappointments in getting used to a new normal in our lives and "getting over it" doesn't come easy. Last week we had planned to attend at least four Christmas parties and because of Gary's bad cold, we missed them all. I think I've finally come to the point where I accept it as normal. Am I disappointed? You bet I am!!! Do I wish I could have gone to at least one of the parties, with or without him?? You bet I do! It didn't happen, and it's something that I've learned to live with because of his limitations. By the end of the week his cold had cleared and we were fortunate enough to be able to finally see (after nearly 6 months) our two local grandkids, as they came over to pick up their gift cards. Two hours of visiting time in six months isn't a lot but we treasure what little time we have with them.

 

 

Caregiving tends to wear you down, not only physically but also emotionally. It's not easy to put on a smile and pretend that everything is okay, when in reality it's not, especially when your care recipient appears to be less than appreciative of all that you do. I don't get the "get over it" from Gary, it's more like "everything is your fault." I guess it would be my fault since I'm the one who has to do everything! lol

 

Sarah

Link to comment

Sue:

 

I am sending you lot of hugs. Just hold on for little longer till tide of sadness pass. I know I don't have to tell this, but sometimes things don't go as we had hoped, but during that time just have to trust in God's plans and flow with life. sometimes in life controling wind is not an option, but we can always adjust our sails & by adjuating we can head in to new direction with the trust in God that it will be good.

 

Asha

Link to comment

Sue: I am so sorry you had to cut your time short. You were so looking forward to it and had plenty of help on board. Last Thanksgiving when I had to drive back from Mary Beth's the same day, I cried for days. Mind you I was still in year one post. But I said I will not set myself up for the disappointment again-too painful. So this year, no plan to go to New Hampshire and I cried for days feeling lonely and disappointed again. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

Mine is not "just get over it", mine is laughing at my unhappiness. Sometimes I can let it slide, sometimes it just cuts too deep. I find with the stress, being over tired and anxious makes me more vunerable. And yes, my response is just go away and let me be for a bit.

 

Hugs and prayers for Ray's health and some time out for you. Debbie

Link to comment

Aww Sue, I do feel for you. We all seem to struggle extra when the offense comes from the person we are caring for. Yes, you will "get over it" but you need a bit of time and empathy. I do hope it helps getting a bit of that from us.

Ruth

Link to comment

Sue, I have tears in my eyes for you, for me, and for all caregivers. I'm so sorry that you had to cut your visit short. You

are a rock, but even rocks get worn down over time. I truly don't know how you've done this as long as you have. I admire and respect you for your endurance and love for Ray. Every day I pray that I can endure one more day, one more week, one more month.

 

It's difficult to just "get over it". I can get over the little things like food all over the floor, drool down the clean shirt before you go to church, even an accident here or there. Unfortunately, the little things add up and compound into big things. I lie in bed at night listening to Dan moan, groan, snore, and ask for a bedpan every 2 hours when it's just gas. Sometimes I put a pillow over my head and try to ignore it, but that doesn't usually work. I try not to feel angry at him but that doesn't always work.

 

I pray for you and for Ray's health. Merry Christmas and God bless.

 

MJ

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.