The season of good will is over for another year. We had two close encounters with cars on our way to my sisters around noon today, both cars forcing their way into traffic where they should have waited. The season of summer selfishness has begun.

We did have a good Christmas Day though. We went to church at our usual time and then off to see Mum. She was mostly asleep so we only stayed a short time and then came home as planned. We had some morning tea and I got us a great lunch, seafood done as a Mornay with fresh salads, followed by fresh fruit salad and Ray had ice cream. Ray had an afternoon nap and I watched an old Christmas movie as you do Christmas afternoon.

Trevor came over with the pork roast about 4.30pm. By then I had cooked caramelized vegetables to go with the roast beef and chicken I had cooked earlier. We were just sitting around chatting and I heard a familiar baritone singing Christmas carols out the front. Our son-in-law, daughter and family had surprised us, arriving at 5.30pm after having done a Christmas service in the citadel at Shell Harbour and had lunch with his mother and brother in Sydney.

We had a lovely evening meal, nibbles first and when Edie arrived back from work at about 8pm we had an evening meal. The kids who had been eating all day, only had to have some meat and then were allowed dessert as Christmas brings special privileges. It was lovely to find out Shirley and family planned to stay overnight. They left to go south again after going to church with us this morning.

We all have good days and bad days, I have to admit to that too. Because of Ray’s health worries I feel as if life is getting me down again. It isn't as good as I'd like it to be right now. Ray has the bad heel, he is likely to continue to have vascular problems caused by diabetes, the doctor says there is nothing we can do about it. He might not heal; he might lose his leg etc. I get so tired of supporting him in all of this. I really just want to walk away from it but that is not fair to him. We said for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.

After church we went to my sister's place, a lovely five bedroom home set on an acreage. We went with our younger son and his family, our older son was also there. He hardly spoke to us. He and his family didn't come to see us yesterday for Christmas Day. He seems to want to separate himself and family from us. Both our sons were raised with love. I wonder what happens to that love, does it fade and die in some people?

My sister and her family gather on Boxing Day each year to celebrate together. There is always lots of food and laughter. Our nieces and nephews and their families all treat us kindly. I guess they have their own lives and don't think of us much but always seem glad when we appear among them. Surprisingly they are all church going families. They have interests like music and community building. I would say on the whole that theirs is not as devoted a generation as we were to values and family etc. But I guess they are the exception as is Shirley and family. I think Trevor and Edie have the same potential.

I have been brooding about the apparent lack of interest in us of our older son and his family. I love all my grandchildren but I can’t mind the little boys. I’ve blogged about that before. So of course we are not useful to them now. I have to get over all of this as I can't afford to carry a load of bitterness as I need to use all my energies on Ray's health issues. The family problems will have to resolve themselves.

Sometimes I wish there was more I could do to solve the problems of the rest of the world but I can't even manage my own.

My sister gave me a nice surprise. A picture of the two of us aged 15 and 18 ready to go to a ball. Of course the photo was black and white but she remembered her dress was blue background, white polka dots with a blue satin sash and mine she thought was pink but I remembered it was apple green, Empire line with a tiny train as it had formerly been a bridesmaid's frock, a friend gave it to me.

Those memories of happier times sustain us when the going gets tough. We are lucky to have someone share them with us to remind us that we were once much different to what we are today.