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Feeling so disconnected from everything


thejule1

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In the past few months I have given up a lot of things so that I can be a good caregiver to my spouse. When Larry first had his stroke last year friends asked if they could help in any way. I usually said "no" or "maybe later". I took care of most things by myself except when I needed help at first to transport Larry to his many doctor appointments. Our kids helped with getting him there, and I am grateful, as he was still in a wheelchair. Those things are so heavy and Larry was still hard to transfer. I refused help with friends who said they could come over and sit but I didn't know if they could handle taking Larry to the bathroom. :blush: After a while, people stopped asking. I stopped seeing some friends, I stopped volunteering and going to my exercise class. I couldn't juggle everything schedule wise with all the doctor appts. and therapies. Recently, we decided to transfer our membership to a church closer to our home. We had been thinking of this even before Larry's stroke when we moved further west. It was hard to make this decision since I have been a member for 40 years and Larry for 18 years. However, this church, same denomination, is only 10-15 min. away and more handicap accessible. We know a few of the members there. Change is hard but it is what we must live by (the new normal). I can be thankful that Larry has progressed and still doing well. We thank God for what we have.

 

Julie

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Julie: I like you accepted offers for help sparingly, thinking, I guess, that they wuld be like a bank. When I really needed help, I would get it. Like you, people have drifted away. I still have my go to people who never let me down, but others have either ignored my requests or just made excuses. I used to Email updates every two weeks to a group. Bruce's roommates still call weekly and admonish me for not updating them. His co-workers call or Email. But I have to say the majority don't miss it.

 

I also, like you, exercise when Bruce goes to the pool. I can now leave him safely at the side doing his leg exercises and get some laps in for myself and stretching. And of course am back to work part time.

 

I am sorry about your church. I would imagine that is a very difficult decision for both of you. But again, we caregivers have to simplify just to get through the day. Still having to leave a congregation that you have known, worked with and who have supported you both must be very hard.

 

This is a lonely time. I don't know if it gets better. I have my darling sister and close friends. But like you the BR is always the issue, so usually need a paid caregiver if I need to do something over two hours or so. And so we move on. Debbie

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Julie,

yes, we adapt and do the job of caregiving. It is a major job.

yes, I like you did not take up people offering to help at the beginning. I was aftraid about the bathroom problem. People do not want to take care of that problem. Sitting with William and visiting are OK.

I have always worked and hire help. I still have a couple of people that help me out. But, help is not as available as I would like.

 

I sometimes take William to a church that is closer. But, we still go to the one that is far away. I suggest that William go on Wednesday evenings and if the weather is ugly.

 

You learn to adapt. I hope that the new congregation is what you need. Having the congregation closer will be helpful. You will be able to participate in the church more...

 

Ruth

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