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Enjoying the Quiet Time


MaryJo

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Dan has been in the hospital for a week now. I am so enjoying my quiet time. I still wake up at 5:00am but I don't have to worry about scurrying to get a few things done before he wakes up. This morning I sat down in a comfortable chair, read the paper, drank a couple of cups of coffee, and now I'm checking blogs and posts. All things I haven't had time to do lately. I don't feel guilty about this at all. I really enjoy my time alone.

 

This has started me thinking about how much of ourselves we have given up while we take care of our stroke survivor. I used to sew, quilt, work with Paint Shop Pro, go shopping, watch TV, read books, and spend time on the computer. These are all things I enjoy doing, but the last time I went shopping, other than for groceries, was the day before Dan's stroke. I seem to have lost myself in the shuffle of daily life. This is sad. There are days that I am really upset by what I've lost but I never regret what I'm doing. He can make me so angry one minute and the next minute make me laugh. I just melt when he thanks me for taking care of him. There are moments that I cherish. Our relationship is definitely not what it was and it will never be what it was again. Life goes on and we remember the good things and try to forget the bad. It is what it is.

 

Now I must kick myself in the rear end and get my day started.

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MaryJo:

 

I was so glad to read your feelings. I feel sometimes caregiver don't voice their feelings and might feel trapped in the situation. It's good to have that metime every day in the morning. I want to tell you as time will go on & Dan will be able to do more for himself, things will change. nothing stays same forever. you will be able to do all those cherished things you loved once before. I know this because we have been in this post stroke game for past 7 years. I feel life is good once again, just little different on how I achieve my wants & needs.

 

Asha

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Mary Jo: I know exactly how you feel. So many parts of me have been stored in that great cedar box that is my soul. Some days I think about who I used to be, but mostly just feel depressed, so close that cover and go back to what is now my life.

 

I am getting better at explaining to Bruce that I need some time for me: a shower, a quick nap, read the paper. I must say he is getting much better accepting that especially if I involve him. I say Bruce, I need 15 minutes downtime, please be sure I am up at such and so.

 

Going back to work has helped me immensely. I love what I do, he is with great caregivers and I do feel restored when I get home.

 

My sister's biggest complaint was that friends come visit, but they don't take Bruce out or offer to help (she understands the BR issue and still won't go there herself). She has been working on safer transfers with him, so she can get him out. For the past 21 months her time here has been catching up on odd jobs and chores, but realizes I need some alone time in my own house and is working towards that.

 

Dan is where he needs to be, feeling guilty about enjoying your quiet time won't change that. All caregivers

require some time off and we don't often get to pick our spots.

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So many parts of me have been stored in that great cedar box that is my soul.

 

Debbie, I like that "great cedar box that is my soul". Boy, does that put it into words!

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Mary Jo, taking care of a stroke survivor will make your marriage vows be a true vow. Until death do us part, That's a commandment huh?

 

You are one great care giver for your husband without a Hollywood twist.

 

I always tell my wife, "Your reward is in Heaven!" Then I say sometimes "Seems like you are telling me to go to hell in such a way, I'm looking forward to the trip!" She cracks up! :big_grin:

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