We had a few busy days last week. I wonder why I always think it will be “quieter next week” as that never happens. Some of the busyness was good, like a picnic in one of my favourite spots on Thursday with a few of my favourite people, the Apex40 mob who have always been such great support to us, emotionally in the case of a few of the women and of course the men who built our shower room three years ago.

The sad news is that two members are sick, one with ongoing heart problems and another who is probably in the last few weeks of lung cancer (asbestosis) and although wanting to be with us no longer has the energy required to leave his own home now. It is so sad that we are losing our old friends and I am unable to help because of Ray’s ongoing problems. In the past I would have been the supporter for the two lovely women who now find themselves in the caregiver role.

We also had a barbecue with Trev and Lucas and Tori who was here for the weekend on Saturday night and yesterday after church a BBQ for 80 people for my sister’s 60th birthday. One of her daughter-in-laws expressed how good it was to have our family reconnected to theirs: “it’s as if we have gone from having a family of twenty to a family of thirty”. Unfortunately this does not include my daughter and her family as Sunday lunch time BBQs three hours from home are an impossibility for them as busy Salvation Army officers.

Negative results from both of the “eating events” meant Ray back in high range of sugar readings and consequent uncooperative behaviour. Sugar in his system makes him cranky, wobbly on his feet, causes excessive urination, bad BMs etc etc. It does not matter how much I tell people: “Ray is a DIABETIC” people keep feeding him as they think it is a kindness to do so.

No-one seems to equate kindness with NOT giving him sugar-ladened drinks or passing him that extra piece of cake. Of course if he asks for someone to: “just pass me a slice of that cake over there” (as he did a few times at the party) no-one says: “Don’t be silly Ray, you are a diabetic”. No-one but me that is! Giving sugary foods to diabetics is like bringing alcohol to alcoholics or packets of cigarettes to people with lung cancer. Don’t do it please!

So I am off for a few days down the South Coast while Ray goes into respite. I need the break. I NEED THE BREAK!!!! But today we go back to the podiatrist to see if he can be fitted with the temporary AFO or if we have to wait a while longer. I would have liked him to be able to walk outside again instead of me wheelchairing him all the time but I know he needs the heel to be fully healed before any pressure is put on it.

The rest of my plans for the future are setting about downsizing some of our house full of “interesting stuff”. I need probably to plan to do a room a week, something slow like cupboard cleaning, window washing, curtain changing etc. The dusty rain we get here in summer is a nuisance and the spiders are really busy this year so I will have to allow a week for the outside of the house too. Fitting that in with my every day challenges, doctors appointments etc is going to be a bit of a logistical nightmare but I have to be careful not to overdo things and do silly things like falling off ladders! And I need to fit it all in before the end of daylight saving at the end of March!

My visits to Mum now largely consist of me watching her sleep. She is doing more and more of that. With extreme dementia and at 92 she is without a great deal of energy and her life force is slowing down. I monitor her needs, liaise with staff, just keep people updated with what is happening to her. It is all I can do now. I will have to buy her some new night attire soon…just wondering if she will need new winter clothes or not.

I gave my sister a Flash Drive with 93 photos of Mum I have prepared as a funeral presentation. I hope she finds it therapeutic watching it as I don’t think she might realise how much she has missed out on by not visiting her. It is truly “out of sight, out of mind” and that is not good mentally. Can you be a good mother and grandmother if you have neglected your own mother’s needs I wonder.