• entries
  • comments
  • views

Don't know if I'm ready, but jumping in anyhow.



Saturday is Palm Sunday. That means that next week is Holy Week. With it brings church services every eveining leading up to Easter Sunday. Those services need ley readers and additional Eucharistic ministers. Well, I'm not up to administering the Eucharist again, yet, but I've volunteered to a reading for the Tenebrea service and a homily for the Good Friday service. I'm facing a couple of my language deficits head on.


#1. I'll be speaking in front of a group of people. I'll have to deal with the studdering.


#2. I'll have to deal with reading for the part in the Tenebrea, because I won't know which part I am reading until I get it, usually the evening before.


#3. The homily. There is research involved, which means reading, and writing the homily, which means putting my thoughts together in a manner that is not the typical rambling I've become known for since the stroke. There is also being able to get the words out when I give the homily. It isn't scripted, and even if it were, it'd be only loosly scripted.


So I am definitely challenging myself with this. At least I know that no matter how much a studder, or how often I have to stop to find the right word, or rediscover the thought I was trying to say, people will be patient with me. This is my church family.


These are the people who came to see me, pretty much around the clock, while I was in hospital, ent me the blessed alter flowers on Sundays to brighten my spirits, visited me at home, call regularly to check up on me, brought over dinners for the first month that I was home, keep me on their prayer lists, stop to ask how I am doing every time they see me, and still send cards and notes of encouragement, especially if I miss two Sundays in a row. These are the kids in Sunday School/youth group and their parents, who can't wait for me to be back to teaching and have called personally to ask me if I will go to the canoing trip this Saturday.


Without all of this outpouring of love and support, I wouldn't be doing this reading or the homily. I wouldn't be strongly contemplating going to teh outing on Saturday. I wouldn't be back in Worship Committee meetings or trying to get back to the Youth Ministry. I have appreciated and leaned on all of the love and support they have given me since December. I want to show them that I am making progress and I want to start getting back to the things I did for the church before the stroke.


I wouldn't have pushed myself as much as I have if I didn't have my church family in my support corner every bit as much as I have had my family, friends, and Stroke Net family. I wouldn't even feel like I could try this without the love of everyone that they have shown me.


Recommended Comments

Lydi, watch for some emotional reactions from yourself too. It is a bit like giving a eulogy, you can get caught up in the emotions. So make your homily very matter-of-fact OR all about your reactions as emotions would be natural here.


When Ray had the stroke I found I identified a lot more with those whos lives had taken them down hard roads ( I still do) and so some of my thoughts about what was happening to us crept in. This would make me very emotional so I found I really had to script much more than I had previously to keep this under control. Some changes are good and this turned out to be an asset in the end. I hpope that you find the same.



Link to comment



I am so happy you have such a supportive church family rooting for you. I am glad you are taking this head on. take your time while doing reading & I am sure you will do great. I am sure you being there will be so inspiring to everybody. My motto is unless you try it how will you know whether you can accomplish your new goal. I m sure first few times it might be hard, but as you do more easier it will get.



Link to comment

well, your post was completely succinct . I get no sense of the'new rambling oyou" as yo put it. Your entry was completely clear andif you write your homily likeyou did that post,I'm sure you'll do just great. I was aed to be akenote speakrer at my workplace because it's not so commonthat a young healthy stroke doctor winds up having an unexplained massive stoke.I was asked to discuss my experiences nd I knew that when I said yes that tere would be lots of tears and there were but when you speak from your heart the people will uderstand no mstter how much you cry or tutter. they'll be right there with you. The room was filled with nurses; a few that I used to work wth. they viited me when I was in the hospital, sent flowes ad cards and pryed for me in person, over the phone with me and in their churches.There was such an outpouring of love I would get emotional thinking about how grateful I was to them for just supporting me so much, enter mor tears. Well I rsined myself to not look at the nurses I know thinking if I did I would definitelyspew tears and sob like a baby. In the end, I stood for the hour and gave my talk which was full of chuckles and quite few tears. there were ome slides I couldn't even read because the content made me too emotional But you know what, it didn't even matter thaI was crying like a baby I wasn't embarsassed one bit,mostly because everybody was crying with me I got tons of hugs and handshakes from people I hadn't yet met and it was cathartic and healing for me. I didn't feel ready but Im so glad I did it, One of my messages for the nurses that take care of brain injured patients is that i's ok for them to give teir patients hope I told them how two of the nurses did that for me when I was in the hospital and I related how I thought we didn't always do the best job of giving our patients hope because we're so scared of giving false hope we stay extremely vague when it comes to their recovery. Its somethingIm goingto change about my practice when m seeing patients again and it meant a lot to me that they get that point. I was afraid it would be lost in all of my sobbing. But it wasnt I had teary eyed nurses whom I'd never before met come up to me and say,"I'm going to do better. I'm going to tell my patients there is hope after stroke and that they can recover.if they're willing to put in the work.The two nurses tat gave me my first glimmer of real hope were named Mercy and Faith :o)whenI met them after they introduced themselves I repeated their names and said "oh Mercy and Faith good cuz I need both" I'm sure if you find a message you want to relate to the congregation and you speak from your heart you will be fine. If the emotions come, let them come as long as you're being yourself and relating something of grat importance to you let the tears out.I've since been invited to speak at three other hospitals and 2 support groups in the area. Soma previously severlyaffected patient who is recovering and they left with a bit of a different sense of their patients potential outcome and that oes my heart good because Mercy and Faith helped me tons by not being afraid to be positive and I was grateful that more nirses will now be out there doing it for their patients agood came from all my tears and Im sure a lot of them will approach their patients with a sense of hope. They don't often get to see people after or during recovery. they see them at their worst ad their outlook becomes shifted to a negative view of stroke outcomes because that's all they see. I was there to represent the possibility of recovery for their patients. Find a message in your homily that means a lot to you and tears or no tears youll be great :o)

Link to comment

Lydia, I think that's wonderful. You will do great.

Their is a "try new adventure for stroke survivors"

going rounds the StrokeNet Site.

After your stroke you say you are a different person. Pick a new adventure for the new you and complish it. "Look out world here I come."remembertolaugh, Jeanniebean :cocktail:

Link to comment

Thank you, ladies, for all of your good wishes and support. I started writing my first draft last night. I will read it again today and work on it some more. Giving myself a week to writ it, hopefully, means I will find the right message and be able to deliver it in a way that I will ca comfortable. I'll let you all know how it goes after I've given it.


Thanks again for all of your support and encouragement!!



Link to comment
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.