GreenQueen Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 Carers, you might not like to read this. I have a healthy husband, and two healthy young adult children. We all share a house. I'm pretty self sufficient, but there's definitely things I physically cannot do. There's also time when fatigue takes over. There goes my self sufficiency. The two sentences that I absolutely cannot handle: 1. I was about to do that, 2. I was gonna do that. Right. Always said when I've given up waiting, and tackle things myself. And I am not great at it, or exhausted, but do it anyway. This putting stuff off until I have had a gutful really wears me down. I try my hardest to not ask for help, because all I get is 'in a minute,' then all it seems I do for the next few days is nag about it. When I say I'll get someone in to do things for me, I get told I'm impatient. I need a break from my life. 😪😪 💚👑 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilkinson Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 I think we all go through this in different ways. My problems are.due to age and my wonky left leg. I store jobs up for Trev to do while he is here for six days. Then he's here and Alice wants to go here and there, Trev needs to go to shops not available in Broken Hill and I have my list. Sometimes out of a long list two things get done. I am grateful but by the next visit the list is even longer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alansd Posted October 21, 2023 Share Posted October 21, 2023 I struggle with the projects i used to enjoy,I'm a car nut and like wrenching and detailing,i can only do some of those, but i still motivate myself to get to the gym no matter how i feel that day.I come out always feeling better, energized and stronger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilkinson Posted October 24, 2023 Share Posted October 24, 2023 Janelle, I didn't tackle your actual question in my first answer because I am a caregiver. From my point of view whatever Ray asked me to do I did but not always immediately. That got him frustrated. I sometimes wished I'd had a screen in my head that could have sorted out the proper priorities for me. But we are just soft shelled human beings with limited brain power and that did not compute. Looking back now I wish that I had paid for some extra help, the occasional cleaner or handyman so I could have devoted more time to him and his needs. Instead I sometimes felt the worries of the world on my shoulders and got impatient with him and the whole business of trying to keep him at home. Rant here whenever you need to and get it out in the open. I'll not always reply as I look at the situation from my own perspective. And that might not be helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heathber Posted October 27, 2023 Share Posted October 27, 2023 Hi Janelle, organise for a regular support worker, just a couple of hours a week. You’re on NDIS its no business of the others in the house, what you spend your hours/funds on. Knowing it will get done, takes lots of stress out, its not a waste. If Wayne and the kids do stuff for you that’s a bonus and you can offload some of the mental load and just say thanks. My regular worker helps with all sorts of stuff, as well as the regular house stuff we cook, garden, go for walks/hikes, catch up on “spring cleaning” tasks, all the little jobs that I can see but not do properly/easily any more. Including things like worm/flea treatment application on a reluctant feline, and getting knots out of her belly fur. We’ve also done things like put furniture together, and pack suitcases. Mum and Dad are always happy to help but I don’t like asking them. Sabine calls it “other duties as directed” and it ranges from cleaning the shutters and putting fuel in the generator, to helping me change batteries in the remotes, and putting cable covers on. It took me ages to be able to sit back and let Sabine do things on the bad days. But knowing she’s coming makes it easier to ignore the “not done” things for a few days. I recommend a white board on the laundry wall to keep a list. Which has the bonus of making the list visible to others, without you having to nag. And then whoever does something can erase it, and you can add things and then ignore them because they won’t be forgotten. Try to be kind to yourself. Which includes learning to let some things go. We’ve spent decades being the one doing everything and carrying the mental load for a family, keeping everyone organised. Its hard to let that control go especially when you can still see all the stuff, and it feels like the others can’t. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenQueen Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 Yes. A support worker was definitely the answer. Her name is Jackie and she's amazing! She doesn't say things like: wouldn't it be better if... She does it my way, without comment or question. I know if I ask her opinion, she has great ideas or suggestions, but doesn't get upset if we then streamline her idea and mine. Best thing I've done. 💚👑 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deigh Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Can you please tell me about 'A support worker' please. Is this a free service from the Austalian Health service, or do you pay for it? It sounds very interesting. Deigh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenQueen Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 Hi Deigh I guess the cost is covered by being disabled!! Up to age 65, there's NDIS, and support worker's hour's can be built into the plan. This is a free service, providing it's built in to your NDIS plan. Organising a plan can be very daunting and traumatic, but once on place, definitely worth it. It's government funded and as per usual the brakes have been put on by the government as to what's allowed. Over 65 have My Aged Care. As far as I can tell, it's NDIS for the elderly. That's a bit tricky as well. My dad is on the aged care plan, but my mum is not. He can't get help with cleaning etc because she's there to help. If she wasn't so stubborn and went onto a plan, they'd get cleaners. Typical mixed up system. 💚👑 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deigh Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Things are different here, Valerie has a lady come in every other day to help her shower and another who comes in midweek and does an hour's housework. With all these ladies you can imagine how much chat goes on between them and Valerie who could talk the leg off a donkey! Mind you we are a lot older than you and this would make a difference. Nobody comes in to help me wash the dishes or do the gardening! Life is a bit unfair! Deigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heathber Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 So glad you got someone Janelle. A good support worker will ask how you want things done and do it your way. But over time they also learn how to work with you and it becomes a partnership.Sabine now does the regular stuff without me asking. Deigh I’m surprised that Valerie gets care workers for personal care, but you both don’t get home help. My aged care is means tested for house work, but will still kick in for personal care if there is a medical event. The Australian system has worked out that people do better in their own homes and is setup to facilitate that for as long as possible. When Mum needed personal care support after getting out of hospital they also got basic home help even though they are self funded retirees, no gov. pension. I think the personal care was fully funded, but the home care they paid for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deigh Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 I have probably explained it badly. Help to shower would be available for me if I asked for it but I'm still fully capable. Since we share the same flat any housework would benefit us both. I was joking about the washing up. I do it for my share of the work. Gardening is my choice. If I didnt cultivate the area out side our flat it would be taken care of by contractors who mow the grass strip and also the domain in front of us. House mainainance and painting are taken care of by the owners but they dont mind me looking after the bits that are mine as long as I dont change the colour! The plan is similar to the Aussie one that is designed to keep people out of care facilities by keeping them independent for as long as possible. I just had a government subsidy on my new hearing aids, which incidentally have rechargeable batteries that should last 6 years. Meaning that I'll have to buy new ones on my one hundredth birthday. Deigh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilkinson Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 Deigh, other services are available here, shopping is one I had when I was recuperating from the melanoma op. I wasn't allowed to drive for eight weeks so the home aid took me with her to the shopping centre. She also allowed time for me to have a coffee too, that came under socialising. Sometimes it's nice to go for a drive or to the scenic part of town with someone to help you. Always good to check up and see if there are any extras you have been missing out on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilkinson Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Are you okay Janelle? It's been a while since we've heard from you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deigh Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 She should be OK, had a message from her recently to say that they are doing a boat trip that stops in Auckland and wondered if we could meet. Deigh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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