Thank you all for your comments on my last blog. I have some good news. I went to Virginia for a Singles Retreat with a local church. I was just SO grateful so see all of the beautiful water, bridges, tunnels, trees covered in snow, etc with no anxiety! I navigated the hotel, walked through large malls and spent the 3 days with a group of strangers. No anxiety, panic, depression, etc. It was such a blessing. Just a few months ago I felt like my life was over. Im so glad God let me live to experience the great things He had in store for me.

Also, yesterday I got a kitten! She is a handful but I love her already. Pets are not allowed in my apartment complex but my property manager said I can get a letter from my psychiatrist saying I need a companion and it will be ok. My kitten's name is Lulu. She's very active so she does not snuggle with me but I like taking care of her, playing with her, and just knowing she's here with me. She has helped my loneliness, fear of the dark, and anxiety (because Im thinking about her more than myself and she keeps me so busy).

Part of my therapy last week was to write a list of things I dont like about myself. This week my assignment is to decide what I can and cant change on the list. Next week we will go over accepting what I cant change and how to change what I can. The only issue is majority of the things I wrote ARE things I cant change or things out of my control. If I just needed to get my left side stronger, I could just exercise. But I have so much tone its not that simple and very frustrating trying to use my hand, stretch, etc during this cold season, I dont know how I can fix my vision, and the only thing I can do for my leg is wait until its time for a new brace. I met a couple people during my trip that either had a stroke or new someone that had a stroke and they all fully recovered. I just get so tired of people telling me if I just exercise and pray, I will get my left side back. Im kinda just ready to accept this is the way it is, the way its been, and the way its going to be.