aafharris

Sorry To hear this. Wish I could offer you advice. It has to be hard when it is your own child. I dealt issue with family members and through the kids at work. but not with my own child. I could not imagen what you are going through. Vent away at times it is the only way to let go of what bothers us the most and sometime we find the answers we are looking for. Hopefully your son will see the light and will change his ways but honestly he has to want to make that change. I will be praying for you and your family.

Our thoughts and Prayers are with you Sue.

Its sad that they keep taking more and more from their employees to make money on their sales. I been one time to black Friday and I will never go again. I am no small lady and when I get knocked down you know it is no joke. I am usually a nice person just to get up I had to come up swinging. I was not there for me but there for a stranger in a wheel chair who wanted a gift for her grandchildren and for my sister in law. go figure my kindess was repaid lol.

HI Debbie, As I was Reading that I was wondering where are you finding time to just breath. WOW! I agree with Nancy you need some You time. it is ok to take some at least once a day. Wonderwoman was just a TV show you don't need to live up to that. Though you are doing a great job at it. Remember to stop take a deep breath and smell the roses sometime the rest of it really can wait.

I know I am new and I know the doctor had been telling me I would not be returning to work back in October. But since the increase of my meds. and it appears that that God really has different plans for me. in my last blog I posted how I woke up thinking and feeling as if I had never had a stroke and then it hit me. Well since my meds have been regulated and I feel as I did prestroke. I called my doctor and talked with her and begged her to return to work. Since it something I really love doing. I know there is risk with me returning and those I work with know this too and but I know I can do my job as I once did. So yesterday I went in and refilled out my application and just waiting on the word to head back in. I am excited and scared at the same time since I was at work when it all started. I know easy does it and to watch my stress levels and to watch for other signs.But in reality I am not walking around in that cloud/ haze anymore and the funny thing is I seem to be memory things much faster now then I did before. All I know it for me it is a blessing. and I pray that it is not short lived. I really don't want to sound like I am bragging I just want to say that there is always hope even when they say there is none. I know I did not suffer a massive stroke only a major stroke but at the age of 39 and with no known cause as to why it happen and going without any type of treatment for it for 6 almost 7 days because no one would listen I really feel blessed and now 6 months later with nothing more then being fed pills and me finding my own way to do a physical therapy, speech therapy and all the rest. and in all honesty my husband and my son were my driving force. When I found this site you all became my hope. Your stories let me know what I felt was real and I was not alone in how I felt. And I know Our family has been talking about working on fund raisers and that to help raise awareness for Strokes we have started in our own work places and are working towards our communities. I will try and be back here often you all will always be in my heart and in my prayers. When that road seems to get too tough to travel always reach out your hand and know someone will be there for you.

I wish It worked that way fking I wish I could just throw that tingly/hazy mind far away. Luckygirl I really thought I was waking up from a bad dream, a long over due sleep. But then when I looked int eh closet and seen my uniforms weren't in there I knew it was no dream when I stood up and the hazy and tingles came rushing back I knew. It was a cruel joke that the demons like to play to try and still what faith you have away. But it wont happen I refuse to let it bring me down I will walk tall and hold my head high even if I stumble, stutter and struggle along the way. This is my now my "normal" I have to learn to except it and cope with it and move on in life." For what does not kill me only makes me stronger." ( I don't know who said that just know it was something my Dad always told me)

Sunday morning I woke up feeling "normal". My first thought was ok I have time before I have to dress for work. The Husband was in the living room with the kido. some of the four legged kiddos were laying on the bed with me. I looked at the closet and thought "where are my uniforms?" Then reality set in I no longer had work. But I felt Awesome today like the last months were a bad dream like nothing was wrong. No Hazy mind no tingling arms or legs I could move everything freely no pain, not even a tooth ache. Then I stood up and it all rushed back it was all over the feeling of being normal and full of life was gone. Hello hazey mind. tingly fingers and toes and achey legs, Hello pain and aches. Wow how I wish I had not moved from the bed. At least it was a moment that I got to feel or remember what it felt like to feel like I did before the breaks were applied to slow down this train.

So today I decide to start the day following people advice. I started with talking to my 9 year old again about everything that is going on with me. This woke me up to the fact that my little man gets really emotional over it and really worries. SO we watched the video so that way he knew the warning signs and reviewed what he needed to do. I realized to he needed someone to talk to other then Dad and I. SO I asked him about it. He said he did not want to talk to anyone around here cause they all gossip and nothing you say to anyone including doctors and phyics. stay in their office. He said he wished there was a group like I found. Then I decided to listen and start a jurnal of my aches and pains keeping note of what I am feeling physically and mentally. Even though I hate it and feeling that it is a sign of me being weak. But it helped me to see that I really do hide alot when I should be telling it just today alone it was four pages long of different "epsiodes" as I call it. from crying to thinking I am doing something when I am not. 9 I thinking I am going nuts). Then there was the text from two of my oldest and best friends that are several states away. Wishing they were closer because I know if they were I would not be trapped in the house and feeling like I am in a box. Then there is Rose she is a fellow consultant, after I was told I could not work now more I refused to listen and decided I would not let it all rest on my husband so I tried to find a home business I knew I could do. However now I see even that is harder when you can't drive to do shows or fubble with your speech. But she tells me I am her drive because she says she sees me doing it with all my challenges that I face daily and says there is no reason she can't do her business and when she hears other consultants getting negative she tells them look if she can do it you can to and she can't leave her house for the most part and has only her husbands support. I don't bring in but a few dollars not enough to write home about but it something to do. This month I wanted to quit throw in the towel after just a few months but of course between Rose and the husband I don't think it will happen. I guess one show a month is better then nothing. One penny earned is better then none. Sometime I wake up just hoping that this is all just a bad dream and that I get to jump on my motorcycle and head into work. People Laugh when I tell them I really miss work. I done security and worked correction for many years and finally a year ago started working the Juvenile side of it and just love it. To be able to hopefully make a change in a young persons views and change the path they are headed makes it all worth it some take that opportunity others don't. I know going back to work for me is not safe but that is where i want to be. I even put in to mentor once a week which I am approved to do once my husband says I can and the juvenile that was chosen decides he is going to act better. Cause the deal is it wont happen as long as there are behaviors cause safety is first. I guess my babbling is done thanks for letting me air a bit I don't get to often.