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Stroke Survivor - female
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About Sudz

  • Rank
    Associate Mentor
  • Birthday 12/16/1951
  • Age 68

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  • Stroke Anniversary (first stroke)
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  • Interests
    reading ,plants, cooking,accounting ,computer, friends
  • How did you find us?
    Google Search

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  1. Happy Anniversary Sudz!

  2. Happy Birthday Sudz!

  3. Happy Anniversary Sudz!

  4. Sudz

    Katrina I have a 33 yr old daughter who struggled all her life with mood disorders & was incorrectly diagnosed with bi-polar her moods o shift as quickly as manic depressive. Finally a female doc at a women's health collective in Vancouver BC had a name for it"' PMDD pms dysphoric disorder" - like opposite of euphoric . with hers it is definitely related to menstrual cycles. she goes from OK to nasty- mean & totally despondent the week before. she lost a lot of jobs during it - simply b y blowing up at bosses. not that it is your problem -- I'm not talking pms grouchy, but totally nuts behavior & total loss of coping skills. this of course is a hormonal- based problem Be for e she had a name -- she thought she was just plain crazy. THIS IS A CONDITION FOR WHICH AWARENESS NEEDS TO HAPPEN I'm sorry you have been feeling more depressed Than usual. -- I have , too - I'm coming up 13 yrs & still struggle so much I haven't spent the time here I should & I do feel better when I do Hang in there gal remember it is so very hard for outsiders to understand My husband still does noit understand - just tolerates some of the struggles. xoxo Sudz/Susan from Southern Alberta Canada & TX & WY
  5. Happy Birthday Sudz!

  6. Happy Anniversary Sudz!

  7. Sudz

    Hi Katrina - I had to smile & be happy for you that you were able to go out with the girls - I really really miss those times Regarding your"Miracle"-- I had someone once tell me that God;s delay is NOT His denial - that was really meaningful to me to not give up hope during the delay period with love wishes& for a solution to your problem Remember to post & vent when you need to to get the black thoughts out of your head - so they don't have the power to feed the depression Sudz/Susan from Alberta Canada &TX& WY
  8. Happy Birthday Sudz!

  9. Sudz

    Katrina you are normal for our situation - you are young & not a hardened ol;d crock - like I am at 61 I get self conscious/ uncomfortable when i leave the house---afraid of embarrassing myself( being rude- belching- saying some toitally out to luncxh & totally unrelated to the conversation. remember the Dr Suess quote Kimmie uses" be who you are say what you feel -- those that matter don't mind , & those that mind - don't matter Abe Lincoln " you can't please all l the people all the time Katrina in 1999 I had to deal withg my husband's infidelity through that I got 2 very profound statements to help From a counsellor & infidelity support group. feeling gu8lty about the infidelity " if only I had done....." ( this is about him not you ) - same for you - anyone whjo says or does something to make you feel bad is the JERK - not you! - it i is about them & their problems& insecurities. from the cousellor to Wayne " for Susan to ever trust you again--- you words & actions must match!" Justa few things to live by that have helped me. Although I do have a husband & 2 daughters to support me & you are pretty much battling this alone Kaqtrina you do am,aze most of us here I know that doesn't help in your daily struggles best wishes & never never stop talking to us Susan from Alberta Canada
  10. Sudz

    Sorry about all the stuff happening- the old addage " when it rains, it pours" seems to fit here Life really reminds me of the carnival game where you have a mallet & as ech new critter's head appears you try to hammer it down as soon as you get it down another appears.- I guess it is part of the journey. Susan from Alberta Canada
  11. Sudz

    Debbie I panic going somewhere I don't know & not sure Wayne can help.other peoples houses I walk with a hemi - so Wayne or a buddy helps me sit & pulls up my pants.soo many places including "accessible" - I couldn't use if I couldn't walk a bit. I worry about peeing & stinking on our way to appts but relax on the way home I always wear depends by that time I'm done the doc or whatever . so if I have trouble it is just us dealing with it. it IS a very troubling feeling to deal with this when in public. After many accidents - I have learned to trust my depends. Susan from Alberta Canada.
  12. Sudz

    Hi Sting - re Short term memory - just what I deal with - my damage is in right brain - I understand long -term & short term memories are in two different spots in the brain. & that short term must be able to move from it's location to long term if it's going to stick around - not positive about that. my long term memory for things before stroke is about 90-100% recall of this info can be slow at times. all my learned things B4 stroke . computers, accounting birthdays etc specific data is still there. the short term memory is used to do things - like going to fridge to get something & not remembering what etc being asked to let dog in - getting side tracked & quickly forgetting, thinking of groceries needed not writing it down right then & unable to think of it 5 min later. but knowing I need to start the new grocery list. I absolutely hate trying to learn something new & am afraid of it eg new satelite tv provider remotes completely different. I look up a channel & can't remember by the time I put book down & grab remote. locking door & safety stuff was part of me before stroke - so it is in my long term. I find it soo frustrating as being the housewife - I still look after paying bills- planning meals - keeping prescrprescriptions refilled & up-to-date. I spend a lot of time in the office looking for papers & bills I'm pretty sure I've seen - but realize I didn't quite finish with. hopethis gives you an idea of how your Ray might affected by short-term as compared to long-term. to me short term represents my doing & thinking of something in the here & now . that's where I struggle. my career was secretarial for 40 years plus I'm a anal organizer - being able to schedule is a big part of me it helps that skill is in my long term - it's not easy -now waste a lot of paper. take care you two Susan from Alberta Canada
  13. Sudz

    Katrina, I am a very emotional person - cry easy - envy positive people -- I can pretend to the outside world that I'm positive - all the time dying inside and I've only been dealing with this paralysis & disability stuff for 10 years since 50 - not all my growing up years like you You have done & accomplished many things - little consolation for the struggles you face daily. I strongly believe the nasty thoughts & feelings inside only gain strength & power the longer we keep them inside in the dark. you need to bring them into the light to weaken & kill them - talk about them-- that is what we are here for REMEMBER WE UNDERSTAND & CARE -- DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR VENTING sadness , frustration, despair & you inner feelings on a blog - WE WANT THE BEST FOR YOU & getting those black thots out into the light to take away your power is the best for you.I only have 2 people I talk to about stroke related unhappieness - that care to listen - my lifelong friend & my sister they don't understand but will tolerate it I have a good acquaintance when I voice frustration: slowness & confusion in my bookkeeping (you are doing so well fatigue & having to waste time napping ( never lie down for a nap just can't take one. Katrina - the outside world just can't understand or care - they see us managing on the outside & have no idea or care about the struggle inside- sometimes we can be so lonely for approval, acceptane,cto matter - we will take any crumb thrown to us & manifest it into what we want it to be. We are as worth as anyone out there it is us that doesn't feel it. Katrina , I am 61 years old & have daughters your age. it is depressing in itself to try to be what you aren't for others - I suspect you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself trying to have a facade of positiveness for others that's asking a lot of yourself if you don't really feel positive don't worry you can't change that just try to not dwell on the negative/ bitter feeling& be careful with whom you share the negative EXCEPT US of course we would like to fix i t& can't we know you are young, for most of us we have had enough life experiences to handle some of the rejection with a do they even matter who cares attitude. kimmie Anderson uses an amazing simple but true signature worth listening to "be who you are . say what you feel - those that mind don't matter & those that matter don't mind from Dr Seuss he is so right - it is easier to develop that atitude with age. AFTER ALL THE BABBLING - KATRINA - I WANT TO REITERATE THAT YOU TALK TO US & VENT -- IT IS IN YOUR BEST INTEREST- then maybe you can deal with every day people with less frustration. think of it as a tool/ coping skill in this mess. with great fondness, respect & care from Susan in Alberta
  14. Sudz

    Jamie - thank you for taking the time to put into words how I struggle with self esteem & do mix it up with self worth your thoughts on Self worth really make sense to me and ASHA thanks for sharing your sensible, logical mantras to put some positives in our head & heart instead of just negatives. I tend to analyze & look at things in depth to understand why I do or feel a certain way. If I talk to Wayne he tells me to quit analyzing it to death (translation = stick your head in the sand as I do& ignore it what ever you do, don't take steps to improve things -just let it go & be.I'l be rereading this a few times - I have to get a handle on this self loathing. again gals - thanks for sharing your wise thoughts
  15. Nancy Sorry to hear you are going through this. rather than actually wanting to die - this my be a way of communicating "poor me" I'm useless, worthless, a burdon for everyone. being male he can't/won't communicate those feelings. & the longer they stay buried & in the dark the more powerful & controlling they become-- you mentioned OCD which ccould be a part of these obsessive thoughts.- we no longer have any control to fix/change things all we can do is sit in this useless body & watch what it does to our loved ones & our family's life ( light goes on - if I weren't here it would be so much easier on them. when I get obsessing about bein such a failure , I, too can fleetingly have these thots. but I am emotional & communicate Wayne know how much I hate what this does to him & how sick I am of being a burden .then I think of my daughters. siblings & grand children and have a good cry that I'm so weak & would think this -- I'm usually better after a good cry. My mom's dad committed suicide when she was 17. I saw her guilt & pain all her life- I believe that wa stthe manifestation of her OCD -- a coping skill to not revisit her Dad's death. if her mind was cluttered with all these obsessive thots - no room for Dad thots. from my stance I don't believe I have ever been half serious - just the expression of an "end of the rope" frustration -- no where to go & no way to get there. Nancy - do not feel guilty about this - I don't think it would matter what wonderful things our loved ones do with & for us - we still know the truth. it is scary to hear but take it with a grain of salt don't discount the isolation of winter & nuisance of snow & cold- as a factor. we need sunshine & green to feel better. with love & hugs coming your way Susan from Alberta Canada Love & support coming your way
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