MelBaker

Happy Labor Day! Here are pictures of my girl in her first ninth grade marching band performance! She plays clarinet - I think in one of the photos you can see her - the 30 yard line marker is next to her head. The did really well! If you see some somber expressions it's because we had a moment of silence before they played for Kendra Goff - the girl who passed last Monday. After this they played her favorite song. All of the band kids wore a pink ribbon because it was her favorite color - the drummers wore pink headbands because Kendra was a drummer in the band. It was exciting and heartbreaking all at once. I put a Jam recipe up on the site - it's EASY! I'll put more up in the coming days....this is a great idea! Hi Miss Sue! Missed y'all - slowly getting back into the swing of things on the board. :happydance: Hope to catch up with some folks soon!

:yadayada: Hi all - Back after taking off the summer off - my girl's last summer before high school! So we did a bunch of things and went a lot of places - and just did a lot of nothing - knew that once school started that things would go crazy. Which they did. Had a house fire in our "downtown" area that caused only a few injuries but did displace one of our town's "special people" Whenever I think I have it bad I just remember that I improve everyday and these guys don't have that option (Huntington's disease, Alzheimer's and bipolar) So everybody watches out for them - one benefit of a small town Unfortunately our guy with bipolar was burned out of his second floor apartment - Red Cros put him in a hotel for a night - did not go well. The pastor of the local Baptist church has taken him in and he is now staying in a room at the church - calmed down a lot and not pacing or shouting as much. The pastor's wife is feeding him too so he looks quite a bit healthier this week. Usually I'm always fighting the small town thing, but after one of my daughter's friends passed away this past Monday night from an extreme asthma attack which induced a fatal seizure, this town has opened up for me. People who hadn't spoken to me since the stroke actually came and gave me a hug. Kids (a lot of my former girl scouts - of which Kendra was one) had no compunction about coming to me and crying on my shoulder and wanting to sit beside me (almost showing jealousy!). Showed me that I'm not as forgotten as I thought I was With this bit of a rocky start though, it has actually brought the kids (freshman class) closer and put a lot of rivalries to the side of the road(for the moment anyway! LOL teenage drama ) I think that this'll be the turning point for them - the one that will bond them together through the next four years...she was a very loved girl, not popular but nice to everybody. well, that's it for today - tired, not used to writing anymore. And the race is on! Have a good holiday everybody!

Eva - Alithos Anesti! I have been wondering how you are and havehad both you and your mother in my thoughts this past weekend! Our Easter was grand - lots of good food and good company A new greek restaurant opened in our area! Yay - don't have to travel quite as far now for fresh feta and olives and phyllo - he'll even order in lamb if I ask him :bouncing_off_wall:

Yasou! Kali Sarakosti! Xristos Anesti kai Xronia Polla. Eva - I am so glad you are here! I wish I was next door to you to offer better comfort...althouh I know that the Nistia can help you find some comfort and I am sure you are praying more, as am I. I will light a candle for you and your mitera. My mana is the base of our family heart and I know we would be just devastated. I am third generation and know tht the only thing you can get a Greek to do is not change - LOL. I can somewhat relate to caring for a stubborn Greek - my Yiayia is suffering from Alzheimer's and has broken her hip and has had two mini-stokes which have left her with foot-drop and she is now in a nursing home because she became so combative and had to be restrained to a wheelchair and her bed. My Theios is also suffereing Dementia and early onset Alzheimer's, my Theia Sophia is not in good health either but now has the responsibility of Papou, Theios, and bringing Yayia home whenever they can. It is so hard, so undescribable - I am sending you a big comforting agkaliazo to take with you wherever you are. Please know that there is nothing you could have done to prevent your mitera's stroke, nor is there anything you can really do to prevent another. Thy still haven't figured out why mine happened. Be easy on yourself, rest, get some counseling for you and the family quickly. I know that the pride will be an issue, so maybe see if the Father at the church can come talk with her. They can bridge things sometimes that others can't. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are, Me agapi- Melissa

Okay - made it through second anniversary of stroke 3/23/06, but then celebrated with another mini-one tw days later! Only in hosp for two days - new BP meds ugh! Was scary because I couldn't hold phone and couldn't dial so had to wait until my daughter to come home to get help - Luckiy she didn't freak out - was very calm and did great Hope everyone had a great American Easter! I'm Greek Orthodox so the Eastern Orthdox's Easter isn't until April 27th - the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox (longest day of the year). Som years it's the same day as American Easter, usually it's only a week or two difference, this year is an exception. Already cooking and freezing to prepare for the Easter feast when we'll break our month long fast - it's not as bad as it sounds - we give up one food item a week, not all food (my daughter and I have started with no red meat for the rest of the month, then next week we'll stop cheese for the rest of the month, the following week will be bread and the last week before Easter she is giving up lollipops and I will give up Chocolate - yesI know I'm insane for that one LOL) Our Easter service is at midnight April 26th, then we all break our fast with a small meal at the church, then go home and get some sleep, have a grand breakfast/brunch and then a lovely dinner with everything we haven't had for the past month in special traditional Greek dishes. If anyone would like the recipes I'll be glad to post them here. Peace. Mel

Well, here I am at 2:30 in the morning, unable to sleep even with the sleepaids.....tough day yesterday - the one year anniversary of my father-in-laws death, and Sunday is my two year anniversary of my stroke - nerve-wracking, let me tell you. Been twitchy these past couple of days and head is killing me because I just can't seem to relax.......Going to take a long walk tomorrow - or as long as the weather will permit me to go. Just so ready for spring...such a nice tese of a day here today - sunshine, up to 60 degrees Just nice to be outside for a while. Ah well, losing my focus here too so maybe I'll go back , lie down and sleep, More later.. Love to all, Mel

I guess I was mentally incapable to even guess that the man who had stood beside me in the hospital for all those months would do something like that - after all at the time of my stroke we had only been married for six months. Then by the time this happened we had been married 1year and 4 months. Sex life was good - communication not so good I guess as I was still unable to control many of my outbursts - so yeah, I guess I might have reached out to another man at that time instead of asking for help from other caregivers or family had it been me - nobody's perfect. And you are right on the other account of men being little boys Donna - and yes, Bonnie - they do not act the same way as women do in a crisis - so yeah, I guess I should let it go. Just so hard to really see that not so nice part of the man I married and love. I am doing my level best to "catch him dong something nice".. the counselor suggested that too. I just want to have the relationship we had before - we shared everything, went places just to go and talk about what we saw, enjoyed watching sports games togetheron TV. Still working hard on getting my strength back up so I don't get so tire so easily, and watching games by myself on TV to try to get my eyes to to not make my brain so dizzy with all the action in a small spot and the camera angle scooting back and forth so quickly. This is why I'll be posting more in my blog - I need those other points of view to spark new thoughts and answers to my unresolved questions - my magination and problem-solving abilities suck right now. LOL Thanks to all for your comments and suggestions!

Hello all - Thank you for your kind responses and encouragement. Hubby and I have been in counseling for almost two months now because he actually brought up divorce - I asked for counseing first and then to see what happens. January has been rough because it's the marker of last year's betrayal by him - talking with and seeing other women "friends" and saying that he didn't kbow how much longer it would lastand if any of them thought they could try again! I had no idea that things were that bad (I was still in major recovery mode - hadn't even been home from the hospital six months and was still two months away from the first anniversary of the stroke). I'm still working hard on getting past that - trust issues still remain as he continuew to correspond with his "friends" (who all happen to be old girlfriends) - yes, he's still with me and yes he's committed to counseling, but it's the little things like not sharing what's going on with the friends he does talk to - he still won't help heal the rift between his family and I that he caused by his actions - he doesn't stand up for me on anything..preferring to leave me out in the cold to let me do it on my own (I guess it's hid way of trying to get back the really confident and take charge wife he had before). Sometimes it really feels like he's just here and doesn't want to do anymore than he has to, lke just coming home and being here (watching TV and then going to bed) should be enough. I know I'm whining, sorry. It's just been very tough - I've told the counselors and they've suggested things , which we've/he's done but these things only happen once and then fade away - he figures that since he's done what the counselor has asked that is it and nothing more needs to be done on his part. Not to say that some things haven't gotten better - we've gotten a teensy bit closer- watching TV in bed while cuddling, he actually holds my hand if we are sitting in the living room watching TV. Yes, we have tried doing other activities together - we've gone bowling a few times, we've gone to the movies, but tha's really been it. I've joined the local Lions cub and have been involved in that - however the friendships that I can develop in there are liimited to those who really aren't close or know my in-laws(if they do know them then I get the cold shoulder) It's definitely the small town mentality - the only thing that frustrates me is that I'm paying for his issue.. I guess they figure that had I been doing my wifely duties (while recouping from a massive stroke) that he wouldn't have strayed!!! I've also joined a local Red Hats group (I'm a Pink Hatter since I'm not yet 50) and had a lot of fun with that - I can't really talk to anyone there either though because over half the group works at the same place that the hubby does! It seems that I just can't win.... tht's when I think I should leave and go back to where I grew up - there I will have my parents and friends, and the church I gre up in(I have no church here - the closest one is over an hour away). More support there than it ever seems I'll get here. I'm volunteering where I can but it just seems that the right folks have not come along in person to be friends with. The friends I had (in persom) before the stoke hve either moved away due to job changes or marriages (she moved to Ireland!) and a few just stopped coming around or calling. I've now found out that they couldn't deal with the changes that the stroke brought - their loss. I do keep in touch with some friends through email and messenger (most of them are from high school) so I consider myself lucky in that respect - and I have met some great people through here who have been great to me - I cannot every express my appreciation for what they have done for me - especially a few who went above and beyond(you know who you are! Love ya!) I think if I could either get rid of this pain on my left side or just be able to block it, I wouldn't tend to get so depressed daily. Any suggestions? I just get lonely sometimes ya know? Everybody has their work and their friends/kids. I'm not cleared for work(seizures and TIAs), friends - well you know the whining on that, my girlie is a great source of inspiration and hope - she's fourteen though and doesn't need a lot of Mom's hands on help(although it is great to be here everyday when she gets home!) So I do have many things to be grateful for - and I am.....I just want my marriage to be better and to find that something that I can do that will make a difference (and somehow redeem myself in this small town's eyes) I read, I cruise the Internet, I play word games online, I do exercises with my left arm and hand to try to get them to work again(and stop the tremors).... Okay, that's my pity party for the day....Tomorrow will be better....I'll sleep tonight and really rest through the nerve pain in my neck and shoulder. One good thing for today - I'll be volunteering with the Lions tonight selling tickets for the high school Bball games - will be out of the house for a while and get to see my favorite sport Later Gators- Mel

Hi Rick - I echo Donna's sentiments, the first year is the roughest, I know my own was. Not to say that the second has been easy either, however, it has marked a time of things stabilizing and my thoughts clearing (I've had and stil have a lot of emotional lability) but with counseling and a lot of patience with myself and from my family. But to answer your question directly, the first year anniversary is: - scary because you feel like you've dodged a bullet (I know they tell you that many stroke survivors have another stroke within the first year). - a time of guilt because you start to realize how much work everyone has done to help you rehab and you may not feel worthy of it (BELIEVE ME, YOU ARE!!!!!) :wub2: - much doubt... will I get any more function back? (very good possibility) Should I continue to work so hard? (YES!) Will it happen again? (Doubtful with the medication you are most likely on and lifestyle changes). :hug: Your second year will be better in many ways - keep focused on that. Plan a celebration for youself to commemorate the day, do what you like best and enjoy your success! You have truly survived! :cheer: :cheer: :Dance: Peace, calmness, hope, and strength - Mel

:Clap-Hands: :Clap-Hands: :Clap-Hands: So glad you made it and that things are settling down - I know we've talked since the move offline of here but is great to see everything condensed and reminding me of something's that I had forgotten. I think you are right about Kristi - once she gets into school things will be much better for her - boredom is an obnoxious thing! Anyway - good to know that things are settling in and improving. Sending good thoughts and wishes always lady! Love ya, Mel

Hi Kristi - Moving is a very emotional experience whether you are young or old and you always wishe you could take your friends with you! You will miss them and they you, but you will find new friends(you are a beautiful and talented young woman) and the excitement of living in your first house and having family around will help. Just know that you will be fine and that everything works out in the end - and you have all of our support here as well - Love ya girlie! Mel & Kyla