cinder Posted March 3, 2005 Author Share Posted March 3, 2005 Dad was admitted this afternoon. Through a lot of nagging they agreed to pre-admit him before sending him, bypassing the ER all together. I was glad, the ER process is very traumatic and draining for him. Well, and me. He is scheduled to see his surgeon tomorrow. This is the doc that did the surgery on him a few months ago. They think this new ulcer is actually from the original one. If that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jriva Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 Hi Cinder, You've got the advocacy thing down to a fine art form, don't you. Glad you got your dad admitted without going through ER and I was happy to see that you had one ray of sunshine in a very draining day....your dad's good spirits. Like you said, the fact that he is okay with things is all that really matters at this point in time---it's his a gift to you, I'm sure. And God knows you deserve it! Jean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cinder Posted March 5, 2005 Author Share Posted March 5, 2005 I was notified just before noon today, that Dad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jriva Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Cinder, I'm not even going to try say anything to make you feel better...there just aren't any words with those magical powers right now. You know I care about you and I hope you can feel these virtual hugs coming your way. Jean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allanmorse Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Our prayers are with you. God Bless Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kmk Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Cinder, You have both bone through so much. I don't kow of any words I can say to make you feel any beter. Know that my thought are with both of you and I am hoping for a speedy recovery for your father. Sending you healing thoughts and strength, Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slmstrokeangel Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 I'll be praying for you and your father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cinder Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 My Dad is still recovering from the surgery, he appears to be doing well, but is having some emotional issues. That sounded PC didn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpopevis Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Cinder, Bless you for being the daughter most people never get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kmk Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Cinder, Kudos to you for you continued support and courage. I sincerely hope that you and your dad can celebrate his birthday in style next year. Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Julie Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Cinder, Whoa....your nursing facility experience sounds much the same as ours as far as familial responses! I sure can relate with the glad they're coming home/afraid they're coming home. It was a VERY tough decision to move my mom to a "residential home" but it now is one of the things that brings a little peace to my constantly mixed up mind! Her care there has been wonderful AND because there are only 4 other "residents" (who are at varying degrees of medical need...) the ones that can, encourage her, help her eat...egg her on etc. She also controls what she can by not eating, not taking pills...she also, as of late, will put her foot down and not let us move her. (Which can be a problem when we're in a doctor's parking lot, or inside a lunch establishment! The thing I find so amazing is how she "checks out the room", when we're out. She's SO proud and doesn't want people to see her like she is I'm pretty sure! I'd love to know if you find a "talk" that your dad responds to...I've begged, I've scolded and I never really know if she's understanding...or if she remembers. I try to take her places that might "jog" her memory....or "inspire" her to get back the drive I know she has in her...but so far nothing. (It's been 6 months since her stroke.) I'm sorry...now I'm rambling! I'm with you in spirit sister...keep up the fight. You're doing it right! Many positive thoughts going your way... Julie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cinder Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 My sister was told this morning by the hospital that Dad had vomited through the night, they were checking him for flu and calling his doctor about doing a stomach ct. An hour later she was called by his doctor saying that Dad was fine and he was releasing him. I just want to shake somebody. He said if Dad has the flu then he can recover anywhere. With Dad's history (I hate that word) am I the only one who gets scared anytime there is something different? The flu to Dad and normal people...two different things. I felt like calling and telling him that, the last time we got into it he released him anyway, as you remember an hour after release (but before leaving the hospital) Dad went into septic shock and was on life support for several days. And people wonder why I'm a nervous wreck. Anyway, Dad should be going to acute care sometime today. So I'm not throwing a fit about what I consider an unsafe release. They have a true medical staff, doctor etc. Even a small ICU. It's the one I thought Dad was going to a couple of months ago. Toured and inspected personally. He will be there a while as of right now. But that can change in the blink of an eye. For those of you who did not feel like reading my bellyaching long winded blog... My sister and her husband are taking Dad to they're house after he leaves the acute care. I will still be involved, but Dad will no longer live with me, and I won't be responsible 24/7 like I have for the last several years. Dad's care requires more than one person now, and they can afford to do this for him. I will, as Jean pointed out, now be doing share care for him. But all of this is a ways down the road, if you know what I mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpopevis Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Thanks for the update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jriva Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Cinder/Ronda---I still have a hard time calling you Ronda, I said it all last night....but I want to add: you know that we are here for you. And keep keeping us updated! My mantra of "caregiving is not for sissies!" was never more true than it is right now for you. Jean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cinder Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 I think Jean just called me a big sissy. Am I the only one who got that? I know Mom, I'm working on it, and after talking to you last night, and Pam today, I feel better about the decision. Really. Letting go in any form is just tough sometimes. Even for mentors. I talked to the hospital a little while ago, they said Dad's release is in motion. They (the heifer nurse) also said I sound "snotty" and might only add to Dad's health issues if I go there today like usual. I hate them all. But I'm waiting for him to go to the ACF (acute care facility) and see what sis says about it, before I give up seeing him today. I have to wear the clown gear anyway... But I'll use my head here and won't endanger him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jriva Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Cinder, I only called you that to make you laugh! Seriously, letting go in degrees, like you're doing now, is really tough, and it's the right thing for you to do on so many levels! But there is a plus side to this, too. When your sister, who is clearly in denial (from what you've said last night), finally has to come to terms with what is going to happen, you'll be in a better position to help her through her grief. You both have different approaches to getting through this...neither approach is right or wrong---they're just different. Sometimes standing by and waiting to be needed is the toughest thing in the world to do.....you big sissy!.....but you can, and will, do a good job of it. Jean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpopevis Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 It's best not to make matters worse. I wish I could get that through my dad's head when it comes to my mom. He thinks he knows all! Well that is another post! We all have to try not to endanger the ones we love. I am guilty of it too. Being as sick as I am and still going to the hospital. But I do all I can to protect her from getting sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharlou Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Hi Cinders. Ive been reading your posts for past hour or so .I dont know how to express how i feel and i was upset about a bib??.I really have to get a grip.. Your father and you have a bond that is so very very special .It seems to go beyound love. I cant being to understand your emotions or your fathers I keep shaking my head and thinking to my self how luck you and your dad are to have each other. Hugs Sharlou. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cinder Posted March 27, 2005 Author Share Posted March 27, 2005 Dad has been healing nicely, it's been alot smoother so far. But today they told me that his white count is on the rise. I told him his urine looked pretty dark so it's probably kidney or UTI. They are doing another count in two days, and if it's higher then they'll pull the cath. I was hoping an infection would hold off longer and give his wound more time to heal, but might not get that wish. He's not doing well emotionally at the moment, but I would be a wreck too. His moving in with my sister isn't going to work out. She said she can't do everything that needs to be done in the time frame... I talked to Dad about it all, he of course said he wanted to come home. I have a lot of inner debates going on, as well with the family. What's best here? Physically, if I'm honest, I know Dad isn't in the best shape. Mentally he's nearing his end. It's all been too much. I feel like I'm deciding which part of my Dad is more important. His health or mental well-being. I've racked my brain with the scenarios, but the most important picture I see, is Dad happy again. So I've decided that physically Dad may deteriorate no matter where he is, in other words his health is going, fast. Mentally he needs the security of routine and those who love him, there's only one place he can have that. So...I'm having him reaccessed by home nursing, getting his special bed, having 2 people to help me in shifts (I hope that works) and actually training on how to care for him. I know my father will not be with us for much longer, I have gotten that through to myself. But I also know the time he has left will be spent in peace and security. And he will feel safe again, for the first time in months, we both will. As soon as I have it all set up, I'm bringing him home. In time for spring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jriva Posted March 27, 2005 Share Posted March 27, 2005 Cinder, Thanks for the update. I've been wondering what is going on as I'm sure others are doing on this site. This new plan sounds like a good thing for all concerned. Hopefully, some of those people you've got lined up to help are family members. It would help them to be part of the progess. Do you think any of them are ready to bring Hospice in yet? I know they weren't a few week ago. Boy, Hospice can be a BIG help if that is an option on the table now. You are in my thoughts....please keep us updated when time permits. We'll be here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on or to cry on. Jean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpopevis Posted March 27, 2005 Share Posted March 27, 2005 Cinder, I feel that you are doing the right thing. Getting people to help is great. I had a feeling that you might be doing that and I think you are the best daughter ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cinder Posted March 29, 2005 Author Share Posted March 29, 2005 Dad has a UTI. They pulled the cath this morning. No real surprise there. He had a fever all night and is now on 2 antibiotics. They're hoping to keep a hold on the infection where he is and forgo a hospital trip. I was surprised by my sis today. She called them and told them to stay alert, they said, it's "just a UTI". She said, "Every time we're told that, Dad is in ICU the next day on life support". I know it's not funny, but her comment made me chuckle. Usually I'm the one "spitting negative spirits". If ya know what I mean. It's good to see that she is now looking at possible negatives and taking action to detour them too. Poor Dad. I told him yesterday that his urine looked like dark beer, then asked if he'd been sneaking a bud. He didn't say anything but shook his head no. He then kept looking at me with his eyebrows up. So I said, you want a beer? He nodded fast. I said, well... alcohol wouldn't go with all the medication you're on, and there is that little thing about you having a feeding tube and nothing by mouth. His eyebrows came down and he pouted the remainder of my visit. He's a cutie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpopevis Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 At least he still has good outlook on life. Good for your sister for finally standing up and helping. Does she know yet that you are bringing dad home to your house? You should be so happy that your sister is starting to at least notice all these little things, that you have dealt with all this time. Some people just take a while to come around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cinder Posted March 30, 2005 Author Share Posted March 30, 2005 Yes, she knows he's coming back home here. We've discussed it in depth. My brother is going to come over 5 days a week for 3 hours and my brother-in-law and sister are coming the other two (including weekends). This is a tentative plan, which I hope works out. I told sis I didn't need help all 7 days, but she said yes I do. I wanted to say something about the last four years but didn't. I have to train on Dad's care and his tube then teach them. All the while remembering Dad's dignity and feelings. Haven't figured that out yet. When I do things to and for him, I sing an old song he might know, or tell a stupid story, what ever I think will take his mind off of what I'm doing. I guess they will each need to learn their own methods. Dad was very lethargic and quiet today. He didn't say anything but, I love you too, when I left. Right now (from experience) it's a race to clear up the infection from the UTI so the cath can go back in, versus his wound getting infected from urine contact. I'm not making bets here on which will happen first, I'm afraid I'll win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kmk Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Hopefully the infection will clear soon and you will be able to have him home. I'm so glad to hear that the rest of the family is going to be able to help you. Please don't turn it down. Even if you think you don't need the help, there will be times when you will probably thank them for it. It took a while for them to come around. Now they will really be walking a mile in your shoes. I hope they can find a way to deal with the things they will be required to do. And I hope you can find a way to teach them what they need to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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