Katrina, I am a very emotional person - cry easy - envy positive people -- I can pretend to the outside world that I'm positive - all the time dying inside
and I've only been dealing with this paralysis & disability stuff for 10 years since 50 - not all my growing up years like you
You have done & accomplished many things - little consolation for the struggles you face daily.
I strongly believe the nasty thoughts & feelings inside only gain strength & power the longer we keep them inside in the dark. you need to bring them into the light to weaken & kill them - talk about them-- that is what we are here for REMEMBER WE UNDERSTAND & CARE -- DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR VENTING sadness , frustration, despair & you inner feelings on a blog - WE WANT THE BEST FOR YOU & getting those black thots out into the light to take away your power is the best for you.I only have 2 people I talk to about stroke related unhappieness - that care to listen - my lifelong friend & my sister they don't understand but will tolerate it
I have a good acquaintance when I voice frustration: slowness & confusion in my bookkeeping (you are doing so well fatigue & having to waste time napping ( never lie down for a nap just can't take one.
Katrina - the outside world just can't understand or care - they see us managing on the outside & have no idea or care about the struggle inside- sometimes we can be so lonely for approval, acceptane,cto matter - we will take any crumb thrown to us & manifest it into what we want it to be.
We are as worth as anyone out there it is us that doesn't feel it.
Katrina , I am 61 years old & have daughters your age.
it is depressing in itself to try to be what you aren't for others - I suspect you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself trying to have a facade of positiveness for others that's asking a lot of yourself if you don't really feel positive don't worry you can't change that just try to not dwell on the negative/ bitter feeling& be careful with whom you share the negative EXCEPT US of course we would like to fix i t& can't we know you are young, for most of us we have had enough life experiences to handle some of the rejection with a do they even matter who cares attitude.
kimmie Anderson uses an amazing simple but true signature worth listening to "be who you are . say what you feel - those that mind don't matter & those that matter don't mind from Dr Seuss he is so right - it is easier to develop that atitude with age.
AFTER ALL THE BABBLING - KATRINA - I WANT TO REITERATE THAT YOU TALK TO US & VENT -- IT IS IN YOUR BEST INTEREST- then maybe you can deal with every day people with less frustration. think of it as a tool/ coping skill in this mess.
with great fondness, respect & care from Susan in Alberta