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New facility



Dan is being discharged from the hospital to another facility today. Last week was absolutely horrible. Dan was turned down by 3 facilities because of VRE. The rankings on medicare.gov are so misleading. In February I chose a 4 star rated facility who didn't monitor urine output and his kidneys almost failed. This time someone recommended a 1 star rated facility and I very cautiously checked it out. It seems like a very nice facility. Their rehab area is state of the art. They have hydro therapy and even a pool. This is where he'll be going today. I hope and pray to God that he starts participating in rehab. I can control only so much and his participation is one thing that is out of my control.


I didn't visit him yesterday. I had 2 weeks worth of laundry and 3 weeks worth of ironing to do. Plus other household chores. It ended up being a very nice, restful day. I got all my chores done and even had breakfast on the back porch. It rained off and on all afternoon but was nice enough that I grilled some hamburgers and onions for dinner. I freeze the extra hamburgers so I can have sandwiches later. I really hate cooking for myself.


Acceptance is a very big topic on the board, there are a lot of things we all have to accept as stroke survivors and caregivers. I have accepted Dan's stroke and the changes that it has brought to our lives. I accept that I can't force him to drink water, eat food, participate in rehab, etc. What I've not fully accepted is the fact that he may not come home again. I'm not sure how one is supposed to accept this fact. Occasionally I wonder if death would be better than seeing someone you love hurt so much. I've asked Dan if he is ready to stop fighting and he always says no. I will continue to fight with him and for him as long as he is willing to endure. I'm not giving up on him, I love him too much for that. It's amazing how just hearing his voice on the phone lifts my heart and makes me smile.


I think I will add Acceptance to my daily prayer.


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Hi Mary Jo. I'm glad you found a new facility and I pray he will do better. It's so hard to make all the decisions you have had in the past. I will pray that you will be okay as you continue in your loving quest to take care of Dan. Have a good week. :hug:


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Mary Jo,

I hope and pray that this new facility will be the one for Dan. I am like you. acceptance is hard. As long as he is willing to keep fighting and not give up then i would be there also.

I so want Dan to make it to the new house. Miracles happen. I will keep hoping for the best.




Skip all of that work and take it easy.

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Yes, acceptance is hard and has to be reworked at every change along the trail. I wish there was a way of it getting better the longer we do it. I too will pray for acceptance for you.


I don't know how you accept that someone will spend the rest of their life in a facility. I wish there were more people at that stage on this site to guide us into it. With Mum it took a year or so for me to not feel guilty and for her to accept the facility as her "home". But that was with dementia.


I will pray for you to settle into a new routine and for Dan to make the most of his opportunities.



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Mary Jo: that is great news. First off that Dan is ready for discharge and secondly that you found an acceptable location.


Bruce once told my brother, please shoot me if someone has to wipe my butt! Kevin is having a very hard time with this. He made Bruce a promise. I just say to Kevin, if God had wanted Bruce, he would have taken him. And if Bruce found this totally unacceptable, he would have called you.


We take day to day. Make the best decisions we can, try not to look back and second guess ourselves. I have several who I could rely upon to help me make a decision, however at the end of the day, it is really my decision, along with Bruce's input. There, but for the grace God go all of us. Debbie

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Let's hope the new place makes him want to do rehab more since it's state of the art and the therapist don't *beep* him off trying to over do what he's willing to accomplish. Good luck!


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