Dan is being discharged from the hospital to another facility today. Last week was absolutely horrible. Dan was turned down by 3 facilities because of VRE. The rankings on medicare.gov are so misleading. In February I chose a 4 star rated facility who didn't monitor urine output and his kidneys almost failed. This time someone recommended a 1 star rated facility and I very cautiously checked it out. It seems like a very nice facility. Their rehab area is state of the art. They have hydro therapy and even a pool. This is where he'll be going today. I hope and pray to God that he starts participating in rehab. I can control only so much and his participation is one thing that is out of my control.
I didn't visit him yesterday. I had 2 weeks worth of laundry and 3 weeks worth of ironing to do. Plus other household chores. It ended up being a very nice, restful day. I got all my chores done and even had breakfast on the back porch. It rained off and on all afternoon but was nice enough that I grilled some hamburgers and onions for dinner. I freeze the extra hamburgers so I can have sandwiches later. I really hate cooking for myself.
Acceptance is a very big topic on the board, there are a lot of things we all have to accept as stroke survivors and caregivers. I have accepted Dan's stroke and the changes that it has brought to our lives. I accept that I can't force him to drink water, eat food, participate in rehab, etc. What I've not fully accepted is the fact that he may not come home again. I'm not sure how one is supposed to accept this fact. Occasionally I wonder if death would be better than seeing someone you love hurt so much. I've asked Dan if he is ready to stop fighting and he always says no. I will continue to fight with him and for him as long as he is willing to endure. I'm not giving up on him, I love him too much for that. It's amazing how just hearing his voice on the phone lifts my heart and makes me smile.
I think I will add Acceptance to my daily prayer.