• entries
  • comments
  • views

Beating Myself Up



For not being able to afford to have my 17-year old cat diagnosed and possibly treated. Instead, I had to put her down. I feel like I'm a murderer because what if it was something she could have recovered from. Yet, since we couldn't afford the specialized vet care, I couldn't stand to let her suffer. I cannot stop crying and mutilating my mind over it.


Recommended Comments

I'm sorry to see your post about your cat. I'm a cat lover too. 17 years is a good long life and the vet specialist might not have worked on her cause of her age. Don't be mad at yourself you did what was best so that she did not suffer. Go online and read Rainbow Bridge it's short and to the point and helped me feel better after I put down my cat. Take care and think about the happy times when you played with your cat. Sally

Link to comment

You know, you have to look at something like this from both sides...You probably did what you could afford in vet care over the years as years add up. You paid for what you could afford every year. The more expensive diagnose to pay the vet, you didn't have it readily available to give!


Could you have paid on a time basis? Maybe had you been a customer for a long number of years. On the other hand did the vet discuss any possible cures for your pets condition? If these things were a part of the situation then you did all you could. The decision you had to make was all you had left.


We can't prolong pet animal life no more than we can human life in my opinion when sickness is involved. You did what you had to do and anyone else would have done the same thing. Like Sally said above, read the Rainbow Bridge and stop beating yourself up, that gets old fast. Be very thankful of the seventeen years you had together and when you are ready get another pet.

Link to comment

Hi Donia I,too love pets& worked at a vet clinic for a few years at timesI would help with euthanasias enough to know it is a very eaceful&kind experience 17 years is a great life & with having health she experenced a good life, safety, love & care - once her age and health lowers her quality of life - even to thr point f illness suffering & misery. ourtrying heroic medical saves can sometimes border on cruelty for the pet - their having to be at thehosital getting poked & prodded - stretched out for xrays is frightening for them - do U remember a time she liked to get in the car & go to the vet.


Its hurt U far more than her - she didn't know wehat happened U R hurt & grieving. your oss. you gave her the ultimategift of love - willing to hurt yourself for her good. if she were a 5 yr old cat -- ok 2nd guess yourself. but a 17 yr old -- YOU SO DID THE RIGHT THING FOR HER! Allow yourself to rieve for her- allow yourself a little smile that it is U hurting & not her& U can understand what she couldn't it is hard but it ilife


you can't replace her but many kitties need homes & love



Link to comment

Donia: please re-read Susan's response. She has given you a thoughtful and insightful answer from someone who has experienced this first hand. She had a long and loving life, she was given peace, knew your were there and is now pain free. I would call you a hero!


My cat, of 19 years, died in an Animal Hospital, with strangers, on the day I started Nursing School. Bruce has the difficult time of dropping him off to his Vet and then having to go to work, where he got the call and was afraid to call me, as I was in school, so I found out later. Uly was black and I had a black coat, that would fall off the chair, I would, for the longest time think it was Uly.


Our local pet crematory is called "At Day's End" I cry when I remember the poem, but what a precious and wonderful memory for his last ride.


Be at peace, honey. She was a loyal and loving companion and now rests comfortably. Debbie

Link to comment

Donia: one thing I will add is that I had Uly from the time he was seven weeks old. I lost him at 19 years, when I started Nursing school 18 years ago and said I would never have another pet-too painful when they leave. I had fish, that I bought for $1.00 each that I cried over when I lost them.


But Bruce responded so well to Pet Therapy after the stroke and really is an animal lover. His close friends pleaded with me to get him a pet. A puppy or dog at this point is too much to add to my caregiver's chores, but we got our darling Kira-long haired cat, seven years old. Family had to give her up because she would not stay out of the infant's crib. They must have been heart-broken, but they found us. She is the light of our lives. Give yourself some time to grieve and settle your heart. Debbie

Link to comment
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.