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Reaction/ripple effect to shocking news


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Well today was another knock down drag out at my place. Yes, I was giving the spouse a ration of S*** because the new flame is always watching my daughter. So he of course didn't like being called on the carpet for it. So I told him, ok if she is going to be the one you fall back on all the time, what about this summer? He shrugged his shoulders and admitted he was at a loss over what to do. I supplied a solution.......... You ready for it? I told him with a big smile how I'd be happy to move back into the house for the summer, no problem, that this was the perfect solution to the problem..... He of course was understandably mortified at the thought. He told me I needed to leave him alone and and quit giving him a hard time, he just wated to get on with his relationship with Kerry(the neighbor). So I then said, Do you feel that I am getting an even deal here???? He said no he didn't feel I was, but since I had wanted the divorce in the first place, I had no right to make demands on him. Well I disagree. And yes, it got ugly, heated, loud, my neighbor had a front row seat and my son showed up in the middle of it. So Kurt left furious. I guess he realizes that his request for my blessing of him and Kerry is never going to happen. He kept whining to me, how he isn't doing anything wrong........... he needed me to be ok with it cause the stress is killing him......... I said, hope you get a disability first before it kills you. I think he is asking too much of me. I've already lost alot since the stroke. Yeah, this is a bitter twisted blog entry, but I had to write it. I feel better. I refuse to let this turn me into a bitter twisted person. Or continue to be treated as if I'm retarded or just a second class citizen that holds no importance.

 

But I question myself, if I will always have to be an adversary to being treated awfully. I did not ask for this stroke. I have been positive and worked hard to recover, I've even volunteered here to help others on their path ( don't know if I've been any good or a help, but I tried.)

Pam

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Pam:

 

you might not like my comment, but I have to, if you don't like it just throw out of the window.

I thought all along you wanted to move away from him and get on with you r life and let him move on too, when you were moving out you didn't worry about kids cause you thought you will be in barn so still close, but once you move out, he and you both can have as many bimbo or loosers you bth can have, you should have thought about how that would affect your children, I personally disagree quite heavily about divorce, I think things should be worked out for sake of children, yes I understand he was *beep* not giving you any support while your ordeal, yes you are tough woman to bounce back from your adversity without any support, that's great, God has given you lot of strength. I know lot of parents take divorce because they don't want to raise kids in unhappy home, but after divorce when parents parades long string of girlfriends and boyfriends what kind of value we r instilling in our kids.

 

I personally feel even in unhappy homes kids do just fine, I know it hurts badly, I don't know what will I do if my hubby did something like that.

 

I feel that we r care taker of our children, and i think on mom's shoulder this responsibilty lies solidly. not saying all these to make you feel bad, but read all your blogs, all along you wanted to get out of this marriage first, he sticked by you through out your stroke maybe not the way you wanted, but he still had decency to stay. later you decided to leave him and maybre he agreed happily

 

I know stroke was not your doing, but what you learnt from it, that your hubby maybe weak guy still had some decency in him, he was good father to children, if you look, you might find so many good qualities about him that maybe stroke gave us the opportunity to look at good side of people and accept them as they are rather than changing anyone

 

Asha

 

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Asha, I love you but, you are wrong!

 

Pam -

 

You are the strongest, bravest person I know. You are my hero, My example, the person I want to "grow up" to be. You are a great mom and a better person.

 

Better than the Momma's boy and his "floozy"! Better than most of us who flounder around looking for a path.

 

You will raise your children with morals, values, and integrity - no matter what the "good looking dweeb" does.

 

Because that's YOU!

 

I believe you can do anything because, you belived in me in my darkest hour.

 

Because your spirit is whole, your truth is clear, your motives are pure.

 

Asha, life is lived only by having faith in yourself.

 

Pam - you have my faith in you, when things aren't quite what you imagined.

 

~V

 

 

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Asha,

 

The kids are within walking distance so Pam is still very much in their lives. I know some people are able to keep things together for the kids but I don't agree that that's always the best thing for the kids. Having two parents who are able to move on to a place where they are personally happy and able to be civil to one another is so much easier on kids than having them live in a war camp or worse, a cold family where people don't talk or interact in a loving way.

 

 

Pam,

 

Let your lawyer do the fighting for you. And try really hard not to interpret the way Kurt is acting now as stroke related. He's acting like a thousand other would-be divorced guys in the bimbo department. I know it's not easy, watching him seemly moving on so soon but this is about Kurt's lack of character...and nothing to do with you. Don't let Kurt's assessment of you post-stroke be the one that you listen to! You are so much more than he is seeing....again THIS IS HIS LACK OF CHARACTER that is blinding him.

 

And remember: It's okay to tell Kurt that it's perfectly fine for HIM to date the bimbo, but your daughter and son can't. You each keep your love lives kid-free until something serious as in second marraige comes along. Certainly you can both agree to that, can't you? If you're taking advice, I'd say to make it a goal to go through this divorce as a class act that will make your kids proud someday when they're old enough to put all the pieces together. Now is the time for you both to tie your legals ends and start moving on as separate people who happen to share two kids who need to see their mom and dad happy again.

 

Jean

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Jean:

 

 

thanks for straigtening me out, Pam I m sorry if I have offended you in any way, I get very emotional, ean is right kids need to see both parents happy and if you both agree to keep your love life kids free that's best thing, Jean you are genious, how come you come up wit h such a wonderful suggestions, you can be my mom too please, you are so sound in your advice. I need mom like that

 

Asha

 

 

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Pam,

You have helped me a great deal so please don't ever doubt whether or not you have been a help to people here. You know who you are and are not afraid to speak your mind. You have overcome so much and you will overcome this too. It's still new and raw. You'll work it out (I have no doubt).

 

Thank you so much for all you do for us. pash.gifflowers.gif

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KURT is "under stress?" well WELCOME TO PAM'S WORLD!!!!!!!! how would he feel if you paraded some boy toy in from of him before the divorce papers could be filed? AND in front of the children. sure, you'll both move on with your lives eventually, but after ALL OF THOSE YEARS OF MARRIAGE, he could at least PRETEND he had a sense of loss for a few days. i think his behaviour is HORRIBLE!!!!!

 

KIM

 

KIM BashHead.gif

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