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why I am stressed.. kinda


ksmith

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OK you have heard from me and others how this is the new you and love it. I've tried explain this to some with conflicting responses.My mother has told me to except the new me.

 

 

This is my problem.. This IS the only me I know.

 

 

All of my memories of me before this are gone. I can remember things happening such as seeing pictures but not of personal experiences. You know how when you see your baby for the first time, well I don't. Having my son here, who is 17, made it more painful. I have NO memories of my own son. I told him 'I love you" when we were at the airport and it was much like telling a stranger those words

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I had to come to the realization of my turning 37.. It sounds petty or vain in some ways but I truly don't remember the first 37 years. My husband, my children. Many of the stories I've heard are of memory issues after the stroke. I have those too. Like the movie '50 first Dates' I laugh about it and say things in jest but the fact of the matter is I am having a hard time with this. People tell me all the time how I was and that sounds fun, I truly am humbled about other stories I've heard over the course of my time here, I love it here, I feel at home with my own 'peeps'

 

Many people have told me to make new memories.. Yes I agree but I want the ones of my family and friends. It's so hard to explain to some family for If you haven't experienced you can't relate. Trying to relate ones stroke is rather difficult. My family is all in the medical field but i don't see them a lot. *sigh* you guest the problems are stemming from my in laws. But that's neither here nor there. Having a brain stem stroke effects people in different ways, I understand just tired... stressed....Just have so much in my head and can't retrieve it to put into words..

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Kelli, value what you have. Yearning for what you no longer have is all very well but remember worry is like a rocking chair, takes a lot of energy and doesn't get you anywhere.

 

I do feel for you, it must be very hard to have lost those memories. Can't say I fully understand how that works but want to send you (((HUGS))) anyway.

 

Sue.

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I know I sound like a broken record but I have always felt like I have not belonged. Like Im trying to fill in for a "kelli". Filling in ones shoes Im not sure. Being your ourn you start your own memories yes but having people knowing you and not quite understanding that you are a new you is difficult, thats all

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Kelli: please try to accept that the "Kelli" you are trying to fill in for is no longer there. On top of that, you are setting yourself up to fail as you have no recollection of who that "Kelli" is. Just try to relax and comfort yourself. Spent extra time becoming reaquainted with your husband and son. They are your priorities. don't try to do what others tell you the other "Kelli" did. Be who you are now. Work out of your own comfort zone. Bruce has a saying about himself, now post stroke. He will often say "I don't know where Bruce went, but he went away from me." Sad but true. Maybe responding with a light touch "Kelli is not here right now, maybe I can answer that." Always in my prayers, Debbie

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Hi Kelli: Have you consulted with any health care professional about your memory problem? If you research this using doctors or therapists you know, and use the internet, maybe eventually you will find the help you need to deal with this. Anyway, from the short time I have known you, I can say you are a fine person and that you can be at ease with those who are closest to you. It's OK to tell your son "I love you", and not be sure whether you do or not. You responded as a mother would--naturally. All the best, Henry

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