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First entry.


Bethel

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I have just moved back into my house.

 

Four years ago I wanted to finish my bachelor's degree. I went to a local community college and was doing well. I took a chemistry class, and afterward accepted a work/study position as the chemistry professor's assistant. That is when his already somewhat inappropriate behavior escalated and led eventually to sexual assault, and the school's incredibly poor response.... The totality of which has left me with PTSD and an ongoing lawsuit.

 

So I enrolled in a different school in order to finish my degree. That school was a two hour drive away from our little country home. Because I was under so much stress and living far away, I did not notice when my husband's behavior first began to change, but it eventually became clear that he was being emotionally abusive to me. We seperated, and not very long after that he had his strokes.

 

I have always been dedicated to taking care of my husband, but because of the abuse and the PTSD I needed to take care of myself also. I began seeing someone who has become very important in my life. Without him I may very well have killed myself.

 

Fast forward a couple of years, and now my husband has just been diagnosed with vascular dementia.

 

And so here I am, juggling my husband's needs, bills, household management, pets, the family members who range from supportive to toxic, a lawsuit, my own PTSD, ADHD and other health issues, and of course my (now long distance) relationship with my partner. I might even try to squeeze in that one last class I still need to finish my bachelors degree.

 

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

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Wow, life has certainly been a roller coaster ride for you. I can't say I have any helpful advice just to want to say I am amazed you got through all of this as well as you have.

 

I am not sure how much thought you have given to your new life with your husband with vascular dementia but it would be good for you to find a site that offers support with that. I know dealing with Ray's vascular dementia how frustrating it can be to deal with someone who looks like the person they used to be but acts nothing like them.

 

Welcome to our blog community, I hope you find the people here really supportive and find comfort from the comments and feedback you receive.

 

And yes, get that degree finished!

 

Sue.

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Writing a blog is good for you to vent, rant and get yourself together in your own words. It relieves the pressure when you are the care giver or survivor!

 

oh, I sent you an email with my email address that it goes straight without coming thru stroke net.

Fred!

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Sue.... I'd love to find a good site for dementia caregiver support message boards and chat. Maybe folks are too busy with their loved one to start such a site! :juggle:

 

I have given a great deal of thought to what I'm taking on, and for many many reasons I'm OK with it. I still love my husband dearly, and the person he has been these last few years is not the person he used to be before the strokes. Looking back on it the signs of the dementia have been there for about five years, but they've only gotten really obvious to my son and I in the last few months.

 

For about nine months now I have been increasingly concerned about him, and so I've been preparing myself for this news for a little while. The things I have had to deal with in the last few years have one silver lining in that I have developed some very good self-care skills. Also, I have long ago given up thinking about what *should* be or what is fair.

 

I was chatting the other day with a friend whose husband had a stroke last year, and was recently diagnosed with dementia....We had soooo much in common!

 

Except she is 83 and her husband is almost 90. My husband is 64, and I'm only 51. It should not be, and it isn't fair. But it is what it is and I am prepared as best I can be to face it. And ya, I know it will be one hell of a long haul... That's why I'm here. :D

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