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Putting my foot down. Ground rules!!


ruthpill

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I had to really light into William on Thursday. He pushed me to the brink of madness. He complains about the pool and grumbles and want to get out early, etc. I finally lit into him and said that his complaining was not making the hour a pleasant one for him or for me. I was not going to tolerate one more time.

 

I am setting rules. We stay for one hour. No moaning about getting out early. The hour or 60 minutes starts the instant that he hits the water. I asked if he had a difficult time figuring out when 60 minutes passed. He assured me that he could tell time.

 

If he will not stop being a disagreeable person he can stay home and I will do my own thing.

 

I told him that as his therpist I was firing him as a client. He would have to hire somebody else or rot in bed. I was not going to take any more of his mouth during the pool time. He told me that he did not know that he was doing it. I had to assure him that he was not pleasant. I needed a big apology and promise that it would not happen again.

 

This discussion took over an hour. I left for work and then William had to time to reconsider his attitude. He called me and told me that he wanted to continue to work and he would go by the new rules. No grumbling and complaining. No asking to leave early. He knows that this therapy is working and he want to continue to work.

 

Well, today was the day after. He was good. No grumbling and he had gratitude instead. This had better continue.

 

I told him I have alot of patience but he reached my limit.

 

I guess that we need to have this type of talk every once in awhile.

 

I brought him to bed and then decided that I needed to go to the grocery store. I wake him up and ask if he wants to come. I just do this to annoy him

He did not want to go.

 

But you never know.

 

Ruth

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Ruth, it was so reassuring to read your post as I have been going through the same thing with Larry. He was only at exercise once this week, stays 1 hour and always says "I'm tired, let's go home". I thought we would come back today but after breakfast he said he had a headache. I've heard this before, and he wants to go back to bed. I was mad, but what if he really wasn't feeling good? I gave him the ER necklace and said I was going for a walk. When I got him up later, he was ready for lunch. I told him he would have to do some exercises here. It's not the same and I felt the day was waisted. My son says he is depressed and I say "he is on an anti-depressant". I think he needs an "anti-Julie for a while"! I have used your approach Ruth, and it seems they need a kick in the rear every now and then. :bop:

 

Julie

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That tells me and you that William knows right from wrong and when he is getting on your last nerve! Things will work out with a bit more time.

 

I'm over 7 years going on 8 in January coming so I know a full understanding comes from time served as a survivor even our healing, the brain, the muscles and relearning all over again what we do first.

 

The brain and mind are terrible things to lose or waste but we gain life and living with the ones we love so dearly1 :big_grin: :rolleyes:

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Ruth: sometimes they need a reminder that stroke recovery is really their business. We are here to help and coach, but we can not do it for them.

 

I said to Bruce tonight, I can't crawl into your bladder and help you. You must do this yourself, with any help I can give you. I said to him if you have decided that you want to sit and watch TV and wet yourself for the rest of your life, I can have you accepted into a very nice SNF where they would be pleased to allow you to do just that. He said "I don't want you to put me in a home and then go off and have a life and do what you do." I almost fell off the chair and had to bite my lip not to laugh. Like William, he totally understood what I was saying. Now lets see if it improves-lol.

 

That occasional reminder is good. Kind of refocus and lets recenter. Debbie

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Ruth,

You done good! Sometimes we feel we cannot speak up against our loved one when we know they have had such a hard time with disease. But truth is we still need to respect ourselves and expect them to respect us as well.

Ruth

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Let him have it, Ruth!

 

I've been taking care of my brother since we took him out of foster care. I can't get him to do anything useful without a tremendous amount of badgering. He has lost his self-confidence and doesn't think he can do anything but when I push him hard enough, he finds out that, yes, he can do it and he is happy about it.

 

Just an hour ago, I was begging, pleading and nagging him to start working on some of his hobbies in the garage. He walked out to the garage, turned on the lights, stood there for a minute, turned off the lights, came back in and plunked in front of the TV.

 

I left the dirty dishes in the sink, stomped off to my room and slammed the door. He got up, did the dishes and went back out to the garage :)

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:D Good for you! As you know I am a survivor but that reminds me of a time when I was in rehab. I'm generally pretty easy going but I do have my moments and when I closed my door no one came near me...except the PT. She came to get me for PT one day after warnings not to go in because 'mrs A' was in a bad mood. she found me without my shoes or socks or afo on,staring out the window. I told her to leave me alone I wasn't doing any PT that day.

 

It was a gorgeous day outside so she tried to entice me with walking outside in the courtyard. I grumbled, 'you heard me, right?' the hospital/rehab had a beautiful mall downstairs and she offered to take me there to people watch and see the shops. Again I growled at her. Finally she leaned down and looked me in the eye, smiling sweetly and said, "would you rather just sit here and pout for the next hour?'

 

After I got done laughing at her and how ridiculous I was acting I put on my afo and we had a lovely PT session outdoors. She worked my butt off that day too. I think she did it on purpose!

 

Jamie

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