Dyan: our Brittany, now 26 with a family of her own, was born cocaine-addicted. She is the biological daughter of my youngest sister. Doctors did rapid detox, but she of course had to have Neurology and a Psychologist from about 18 months on. They track development but really can't truely test until 18 months.

At 3 months old, we removed her from her mother. My brother and I became her legal guardians and at 5 years old, when she had to be in one home for school, my brother and sister-in-law legally adopted her.

She developed ADHD of course and other neurological and psychological issues. To start pre-school, we all agreed to the Ritalin. And it helped immensely. At least she would stay in her chair and work on something. We gave her the weekends off because the side effects were many. She felt "drugged", had little or no emotional reaction to anything. You could not discipline this child, she just did not care. Would put herself into time out! She got through grade school OK. Always a loner and frankly did not care. At that point, she said she would no longer take any drugs. Off to high school, where she could not cope and we all saw problems coming. Bruce and I researched a private high school about an hour ride from all of us where they specialized in her issues. She had to board. Came home on weekends and the difference was incredible. She found herself. She was our only one, so we could afford it. My brother and his wife had a son, 9 months younger than Britt who was quite gifted. So they were able to put their finances towards him.

From my own experience, I would leave him right where he is. Socially, while he is not at an age to interact, he needs the other kids around. He needs to understand, at 4, that this is life. Do not expect him to socialize. Two year olds play side by side, but they need to know the other one is there, even if not to play with. Academically, it is so important to have him challenged. If he can do the work, he needs to stay there. If he gets bored, you will have trouble. He will find something to amuse or challenge himself that may not be productive. By dropping him down a level, you are not only affecting him socially, but also academically.

I am figuring that you have sat in on some of his classes. Britt's school had a family viewing room. Students could not see us, but we could watch what was going on and offer input. Also Cayden may need an Aide. Hopefully a teacher's assistant or aide has been assigned to his class.

Keep in mind that the homeopathic medications take a good while to kick. They were not available when Britt was coming along. But we have a homeopathic nurse in the family who had advised us that they may have made a difference for Britt had they been available. Also the ADHD medicine protocols have changed dramatically over the last 25 years, so I am figuring that progress has been made in how to medicate these children more effectively.

Try to give him through the winter break. Do the usual, Oh kids can be tough at time, they don't understand you; why do you think this is happening stuff. Keep the lines of communication open. He already knows he is different, just enforce that he is also very special, quite an individual and all of that is a great thing. Reinforce self-esteem and independence. You are doing great, in my thoughts; Debbie

Debbie,

Thank you so much for that story it really did help me out!!!! I cant really look in his classroom but I do know how he is doing because the teachers keep me informed and yes he does have an aide to help out but its just not working right now. I hope these meds do work so that way we can keep him in this class. He is still in preschool but I dont want to put him back in the special ed program because they cant teach him the way he is being taught now. I dont know if there is any special schools for kids like Cayden like the one he was in before he turned three and went to the regular school and we have another daughter so we cant afford a private school for him. Here were we live there really isnt a whole lot of things to help him out.

Thank you for your help and I will definetly give it some time and see how it goes. So far according to his teacher he did pretty good today but when I went for the veterans program he threw a fit the whole time because he wanted to be with his sister but he couldnt and I had to leave the program early.

Dyan

Dyan: and this is so typical stroke affect. He was taken out of his normal routine. He is used to being in a classroom, doing his work, with his classmates at hand. A "program" is not part of his normal routine and he was uncomfortable and confused.

You have seen funny videos of pre-school girls, in dance class. Pretty costumes and weeks of practice, routine. Only to have Mom and Dad filming them standing there, while everyone else is dancing, picking their noses or running off to the bathroom. That is just normal pre-five year old behavior.

So you remove him from the event-like a crying child in church-talk him down, tell him what behavior is expected and move on. Right now sister is his protection, his safety. That is normal and OK. And personally when I see Britt and John Michael together today, I am so thankful and in awe of their closeness and support of each other. Cayden will figure out in time that sister has her own life and he must respect that. But for now she is his touchstone. This was just one lesson in that sister needs her own time and that acceptance will come in time.

While Britt and John were 9 months apart, they were in the same grade. My sister-in-law insisted at 2nd grade to separate them. Britt could not cope with John not being there. Sibs communicate by telepathy. At 7 opinions from peers is very important, so they could not console each other. But one look from John was enough to calm her.

No big deal. You did great. Cayden knows the issues. Now sit back and enjoy the weekend. Debbie