Sam has decided to leave
Entry posted by lydiacevedo
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It would seem that working with brain injury patients all day, then coming home to deal with me has become too much for Sam.
So much sothat he disappears for hours at a time and resents my wanting to know where he will be and about when he will come back. He calls it resenting any time he is not at home with me. In plain truth, it is simply having a place to start a search in case the worst happens and I have to contact authorities. If he would take a moment to reflect, this is NOTHING I did not make the kids do and it is nothing do not do for him.
So much so that when his phone rings he has to "take a walk to be able to get reception" when he doesn't seem ot have that problem if he makes a call, only when he receives one. He resents my askig, off-handedly, who called him, though he insists in not only "briging memy phone," but in ANSWERING it for me while he is bringing it the 2 feet from the table to where I am sitting.
So much so that he accuses me of not taking my zoloft on purpose, when in plain point of fact, I also take valium, so I'd have to be choosing not to take that also before there would be any negative impact to my mood, especiallysince I take the valium 4 times a day. It amazes me that he, as a medical professional, cannot seem to remember that.
Personally, I think he is looking for "greener pastures." His behavior changed after his friend Julie left her husband. He swares he was "just lending her emotional support," and at first, I believed him, but when he was spending more time on the phone with her or at her house, and she was feigning suicide attempts when I made him pull away, well, I think anyone reading this can see where I am going. Of course, he excuses her fake suicide attempts, but calls me a strident, controling bitch.
So, ok, fine. Leave. I've survived 3 previous divorces, lupus and 2 strokes. I can survive this too. But know this, if you leave, you leave. I don't give second chances. To do so would be to send a message that I will allow someone to walk all over me and treat me poorly. Well, that just is not how I play things. Done is done, that means gone, with a d. I never looked back with the previous 3. I am not about to change that now, not even for him. I am worth more than that, much more.
I called the kids and told htem what was going on. Garion (21) and Laney (19), told me not to worry, they would never let anything happen to me and would be there, 24/7, all I had to do was call. Logan (18) could only manage to say "Ok." Logan is the one I have had problems relating to,since he does not try to spend any time with me, but then resents it when I don't recognize him right away, or remember things that happened in our past. But that is another story for another time.
Anyway, I am hurt, I'm upset, and I feel like the rug was just pulled out from underneath me AGAIN. But I was born a survivor and I am still a survivor, so I will survive this too. In the end, I know ALL my kids will be there if I stumble.
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