I want the old me back. I want to be strong and be able to do what I once could. Kelly has been unwell since November but she assured me it was only from being tired, or would blame this or that but I couldn't buy it. She worries about and takes care of everyone so no way she would have me worry about her. She's been working so much we haven't spent much time together the past couple weeks. Kelly is sick...sicker than she was saying...and getting sicker (that's as close as I can say--I can't say it) but she's so determined to save the world that she is in denial---telling me she can't go anywhere because her kids need her. I want to shake her and tell her to wake up! I want to hug her and beg her to listen and because I know she won't until SHE can, I want to cry.

Today was a beautiful day. light breeze off the river but sunny and warm. We sat in the sun on her deck just chatting--well, I did most of the chatting--Kelly fell asleep on me! Dave, her husband came ti join us but got stuck with only me. Tomorrow is her birthday and Dave wondered if I could decorate her a cake and could I make a birthday dinner for her. I said yes but it's the first thing (big thing) I've done since the surgery and new dx's. I don't really know but I'm for sure going to find out.

God, please don't do this.