Nancy, just an idea from an old fart but perhaps you can change Dan's depression spells to a bit or frustration which is easier to overcome day by day because you discover more pieces of the reasons you are frustrated all the time and soon Dan is laughing at himself with a much different mind set! It's all about the brain having been attacked and now we got one side doing the work of both sides!

I honestly believe and think that is how I overcame being depressed from my stroke! My closest first thoughts were I'm alive and I can't do anything about how I am now but in time I can get better and perhaps walk again! After 5 months I left the hospital unable to walk saying one day I must learn to walk again all over! My next thing was Life and Death, I said Okay I'm alive so let me learn to live with what I got left!

I compare having a stroke and being like we are to kids with Polio during my birth era when they couldn't play like other kids so we had to go easy on them! Most of them still enjoyed playing with the other kids much as they could without being depressed I suppose! They got frustrated playing ball because they were slower than other kids and couldn't hit the ball with the bat! If they swing the bat three times and don't hit the ball they still got to get on first base and they were happy kids!

fred funny you talk about polio dans dad had it and walked with a bad limp.... and i know as a kid he was teased and what not but i guess you didnt want to get any near him if he could get ahold of you ( as a kid)- you had trouble he was so strong in the upper torso... he was a mean old coot to boot when he got older... just a polio story..... dan is doing well its just he is so tired on those off days... nancyl

Nancy, change in routine is so difficult. Mary Beth came this weekend - we are always busy when she is here, plus she is a chatter and always likes to include Bruce. Monday, Bruce's best friend came to visit with his dog, we always look forward to their visits. And the Roommate is a chatter. Keep in mind that this is one on one. Bruce just wilted by Sunday noon and again yesterday about 1pm. Slept for two hour nap both days. And the rest of the week is just crazy.

Try setting up a platter for Dan of good foods for him. I understand that he kind of sits back. Bruce would too. So food and drink are easy to manage, set up his tray and put it next to him.

I am like you. I know there will be down time after any change, but Bruce and I now deal in hours, not days. Dan's stamina will improve and it will go from one day up and one day down, to two days up and one day down. There is no way a year and a half ago Bruce could have tolerated a Mary Beth weekend, his bike and then his best friend and dog that close together. But I also know that we will need a down day, just us, soon.

You learn a certain "feel" for that. And as time goes on and Dan continues in recovery, as things stablize so to speak - medically and emotionally - you push the envelope. Just a part of this recovery thing - best, Debbie

Nancy , I am very reliant on my schedule - needing my afternoon nap each day I find going out or company very stressful - although I don't have asphasia - I can embarras myself by saying something totally out to lunch. I spend more time day dreaming & in lala land than in the present so I tend to avoid participating. when we are out away from my assist bar . I have to have someone help me in bathroom. so a change of routine although at times can be enjoyable is stressful/ upsetting. if we are away for even a couple of days I get totally exhausted - it can take a week + of extra naps to get feeling better - just my take on it.

Susan

i think we are all correct and on the same page... and honest to god i can use the down days myself.. just as long as one doesent become two and then three... i want the good days to be one, two , three --- and it seems to be leaning that way... i wish he would nap during the day-- i know that would help but he is stubborn and refuses... the ole crab.... but I'm happy to have him... nancyl

Nancy: the napping may come with time. Bruce refused for at least nine months. Would fall asleep in the WC, somehow he relates the recliner to being restrained, so refused that, and exactly like you said, super crab by 4 pm. That is why we don't do anything afternoons and I scheduled work from 4pm to 8pm.

Just since January - maybe it had to do with being bored, tired and the bad weather, did he agree to lay down for an hour or so. Plus not getting out as much - with the spinal stenosis sitting in that WC for all day must be painful to his poor bum and back. So maybe it will change. Debbie