Coneill really got me to thinking this week about working and managing stroke. Bruce was so disabled, confused. Financially we could afford it, and I did look to Fred for advice. I kept the two year range in mind, put some money away and was able to get things taken care of here.

However have discussed this with Mary Beth often, she would have had to go back to work after FMLA and of course, our dear friend Barry, whose wife also had to go right back to work. As with stroke, you can't go back. Second guessing yourself is just discouraging and hindsight is always 20-20.

It was a stressful, intense time. I exposed Bruce to everything available. We took morning drives everywhere, therapy in the afternoon, caregivers in to help twice a day. And what I think now is that it was too soon. He wasn't even six months in. Perhaps I should have had caregivers for that first year or so, and then took leave, when his brain was more recovered and able to deal with the stimulation. But again, that is hindsight. And there was no professional direction. Kind of hit or miss.

I did not find this group until nine months post-stroke when the overtoning kicked. All that progress to have to begin all over again.

You all say I am well organized, just my nature. And one would think at 3 years post, things were kind of on an even keel. This week, due to caregiver issues, I am working 32 hours. I have not done that in over three years. I am set up to do this. And the new caregivers pick up the slack. All of them are wonderful.

But Bruce will not shower, go into the pool, walk and apparently needs much encouragement to toilet with them. OK, so I am thinking while my house is taken care of, you have spent three days - tomorrow will be four - in front of a TV.

Today was just us. I had errands of course, just to get him out and yes, I insisted that he get out of the truck and into the WC for all of it, including the Farm Market where we just got corn. We went out for lunch - a treat - home to nap, laundry and I cooked out. Plan was for shower after dinner, which he refused. He is exhausted, as am I. Yes, I over-compensated, that guilt is always there. And this was not a week that is normal for us.

But with this crew on board, Bruce's non-commitment to recovey independently, and knowing I have everything in place here at home-a good routine as to meals, paperwork, appointments-this is doable for me. And I would be full time and reinstate my benefits including paid health care. So something to consider and ponder.

Please stay cool and safe. If you can not afford AC, a fan will do. Keep windows closed and covered. Errands early in the day and hunker down. Light meals. Exercise early in the morning, open windows after dark and hydrate! Debbie