hi catebeleu :

welcome to wonderful & therupetic world of blogging, reading your blog reminded me of my own first few years of struggle where I could not even think of finding joy in living again. I never thought I can be ever happy living again with my disability. but I am here to tell you life will be great again it will be just little different. I stroked at age 34 which retired me from the job I loved & all activities I loved prestroke like dancing, running & playing wih my kido, I wished at that time that dying was easier than surviving this stroke, but today after 8 years on this post stroke journey I view stroke as just another bum in my life's journey, actually I am thankful for it, it woke me up from my sleepwalking through life, no more I will ever take anything for granted, all ordinary things in life like enjoying nature, spending time with my loved ones brings so much joy in life. So I feel post stroke my life is different but its still good & I am sure that will be true for your friend too. first few years are the hardest after stroke, but you both will find your new normal soon & start enjoying life again with more meaningful way than before.

Asha (now 42 year old survivor)

Hi Catebeleu,

Sorry to here about your man.....Asha is right tho, you will find a new "norm". My new norm started the day after my son was born. My son had his stroke before he was even born so all he knows is "post stroke" life. We try not to make a fuss over him even tho there are things he cant do that other kids his age can do. We have been talking about the use of his leg and now he wants a cane so he can walk better. He walks just fine tho when he gets tired he will start to limp. One piece of advice that I have heard from alot of different people is not to compare his recovery by others.....everyone recovers in their own time......I will pray for you and your man

Best wishes for the both of you,

Dyan (caregiver of 5 yr stroke survivor)

Cat: welcome. I do not want this to be about me. But Bruce and I had been together for 25 years. We cared for my Mom in her last months, raised a niece (my side), he put me through Nursing school. March 5, 2009 we decided to finally marry. On March 22 we picked up our wedding rings.

He stroked that night (trust me, you and I will laugh about that in the future, too soon right now). My wedding dress sits in a plastic bag in my closet.

3 years in, you are absolutely right. You have been handed a new life and what both of you choose to do with it is up to you. You both have to get through the Stages of Grieving and it is way too early for you to make decisions or throw in the towel as to recovery.

You both take it one day, one challenge at a time. You are back to basics: toileting, walking, dressing. Take it down one level. All those ideas: travel, hikes, music, driving; all take a back seat and you will address them again, just not very soon.

Bruce will never drive again, I put his guitars in storage - but unless he can play left-handed, that isn't going to happen. All yard equipment has been sold. Do not make any hasty decisions just yet. You have a whole year to get through, with therapies and brain healing. Your lives just got put on hold for a year. So you concentrate on getting the proper therapies, see where they are taking him. Get your house in order and finances straightened out. That is enough.

Those retirement plans may or may not have changed. For now, they are on the back burner. You go one day at a time, work to the basics and recovery will determine the roads you take. Once your are comfortable putting the future "Ideal" aside, will you be able to work on recovery and set new goals. Know I am praying for both of you, Debbie, caregiver to Bruce, stroke March 2009

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. This is all new to me and I feel like it will be alright but sometimes I just have to vent. Keep us in your prayers and I will do the same for you all. I feel like we will come through this and look back on it as, like you said achandra, a bum in the road. For now it is just hard not to be a little mad at the world. But I will, eventually.

We all felt the cruel kick of fate in our gut when our loved one went down to a stroke. I called my girlfriend who grew up with 2 handicapt parents, looking for ...something... I don't know what. She told me, "people think being handicapt is the end of the world, it's just another way of living'. I realized she was right, she should know, she grew up with it, and her parents were 'normal' to her. My hubby has went thru a lot since his Feb 29 stroke this year, in the first 2 months, I wondered if I'd lose him every single day, as he was really bad off. He is stabilized now, and fighting for his leg and arm, vision, and... his speech. I think it is the worst, he can't even say what he thinks, when he can think, and sometimes he can't. But I have to say that we spend the day doing therapies and doing simple things. He does watch TV, but for the first month, he could not tolerate any volume on it at all. So he even watched sports silent. If it makes your guy nauseous, I wonder if he has a small uncontrolled eye movement, I've heard of that. He can't do much for himself, really, but we now have a routine and are living a good life, with laughter being a key ingredient. Please read everything on the stroke board, you need it to stabilize YOURSELF, as us caregivers are sent reeling in all this. ((((HUG))))

Thanks Sandy for the insight. We are starting to get a small grip on things and it is getting a little easier. We try to keep our spirits up but somedays we just let them take over, I go into the bathroom and cry while I am sure he is in the bedroom doing the same thing. It helps to get it out or so I think just can't let him see me do it. I often wonder why it had to be us and I include myself not for selfish reasons but because we complete each other and what ever affects one affects both. I know we will get through this but somedays I still question it. Know what I mean? He insists I need to take some time for myself but for the moment things are still to new and scarey for me to leave him alone for what I feel like are selfish reasons. I have even felt guilty about leaving him to go to work LOL. I have been trying to read up on all the things on the stroke board and they are very hlepful. So thanks for the input and I will keep you and yur hubby in my prayers also. ((((HUG)))) right back at ya!