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The Way He Was

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Christmas Time Again

Well it's that time of year when everyone is running around trying to buy out the stores and cook all the food in one day! LOL! Me I'm just plain lazy to all this. I bought my 3 Grandbabies Christmas presents online and never once went to the store to try to shop. Prayers that everyone will have a MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR!!! Praying for all my wonderful friends on this site and all of you I haven't had the chance to meet yet but hope to one day. Love and Hugs to all!!!  

catbeleu

catbeleu

I'm Back!

Hello everybody! It has been quite a while since I have been on. Guess I just haven't felt like sharing or caring here lately and for that I am sorry. I have been battling a lot of pain and depression for the past year or so and just haven't wanted to burden anybody with all my gloom since I know a lot of us on here deal with that on a daily basis anyway. Mike is doing ok and has just here lately started back to therapy on his arm and hand. I think he finally go a good OT this time and may stick

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catbeleu

Bah Humbug!!!

As I sit here and look out the window at the changing season I realize that happiness seems to elude my life. What started out as a great outlook on the new year seems to have once again became a life of broken dreams and sadness.   For the past few years I have had to deal with Mikes stroke,, the death of my brother, neice, mother, father and sister in law. Those being the hardest things to overcome in my life.   Finally I thought, "This is going to be a year of celebration and normalcie",

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catbeleu

Just venting

I vent here because there is nowhere else to say it. Sorry if I ramble but just need to get it out of my head. I don't have anyone else to talk to so tag you guys are it! It's such a pretty day outside and I feel like I could just go back to bed, cover up my head and stay there till I die. Mike is getting more and more withdrawn from the outside world and nothing I can say or do will get him going. We talk all the time about things we will do but when it comes time to go he says he feels bad and

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catbeleu

Is it my fault?

I use to wonder what my Mom ment when she said "Be careful what you ask God for." I have been pondering the past years over and over in my head and thoughts of how things use to be come pouring through. Me, working and just doing each day whatever it was I wanted to do. Kids are grown and me finally free of a marriage that had ruled my every moment in life. Mike a free spirit riding his bike and playing in the band, no problems, nothing stopping him from just enjoying his day. Us coming together

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catbeleu

Nowhere Else to Vent!!!!

I know I haven't been on in a while but life has just been one big rollercoaster for me lately. I don't mean that it has been so active that I haven't had time blog it's just that my emotional state has been such that I am going insane I think! Mike is on a new therapy quest to fix his hand and it seems to be doing some good, but as all things stroke it is very slow. We have seen some improvement but not leaps and bounds like he would like it to be so it is hard for him to stay focused and do th

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catbeleu

More Bad News!

Ok so one of these days, and I hope it is in the very near future, I am going to be able to post some good news. For now I will just fill you in on what has happened to my family yet again! As most of you know I lost my Mom in February, my Dad in May and now my sister in law and on the 3rd anniversary of my brothers death! She was not the spouse of my brother that has passed but the spouse of my brother who just lost his daughter last May. He has really been through it and I am hurting but nothi

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catbeleu

More Bad News!

Ok so one of these days, and I hope it is in the very near future, I am going to be able to post some good news. For now I will just fill you in on what has happened to my family yet again! As most of you know I lost my Mom in February, my Dad in May and now my sister in law and on the 3rd anniversary of my brothers death! She was not the spouse of my brother that has passed but the spouse of my brother who just lost his daughter last May. He has really been through it and I am hurting but nothi

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catbeleu

Feeling Alone

I don't know what is wrong with me these days. I have been so down in the dumps that I rarely speak unless I have to. I feel like I could just melt into the background of life and no one would even notice I was missing. Things just aren't as they should be. My world is out of sink. The days are lonely and time is at a stand still. I get up around 7am and go to bed around 8pm. I can't go to sleep so I lay there and watch tv or listen to Mike snore. No one comes to visit or calls unless it is one

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catbeleu

OMG!!!! He rode it!

I haven't been on in a while been through a lot in the last couple of weeks and am just getting a few minutes tonight to blog. Some of you know from my facebook page that my Dad died Sunday the 18th, he is much better off as he was bed ridden and since my Mom died in February he had been steadily going down hill. Now they are together and happy. No condolences needed, I came to terms with it and am just happy that he is no longer suffering. On a happier note and to explain my title, Mike as you

catbeleu

catbeleu

Been a while!

Hi everybody! It has been quite a while since my last blog so I don't even know where to start. Let's see I guess I will start with Mike. Well he is batteling the dizziness and nausea again. Doctor said a month ago he had fluid build up behind the eardrum and gave him a shot to clear it up. Hasn't helped at all. Now he says the fluid is gone and it is just due to the stroke. How can that be? He hasn't been dizzy for almost 6 months now and then all of a sudden he is. I just don't think it is fro

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catbeleu

No one else to vent to

I feel so lost, I have to lay my Momma to rest tomorrow and I just can't seem to come to terms with it. My family is all together at my Dad's house but Mike is having issues with me being there for any amount of time! I have only been there for about 3 hours without him except when I had to go to funeral home and help with the arrangements, he didn't want to go. I have no one here to talk to. It snowed and kept us home bound for the last two days and today we went to our usual watering hole for

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catbeleu

BAD WEEK!!!!

Well my weekend started out on the most sad news I could have ever imagined getting, my Mom died Saturday morning! She was 78 but in fairly good health, completely independent and taking care of my bed ridden Dad! She went to the bathroom and dropped dead of what they think was a heart attack or blood clot. Then Sunday my ex husbands dad, which I have remained very close to, had a stroke and in the hospital fighting for his life! He is in the little hospital here in our town and they wanted to s

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catbeleu

Sooo Gloomy!

It's 9am and haven't seen the sunshine yet! I knew it was suppose to rain today but It is awful outside! Looks like it's 9pm! My son has been working on his car for the last few days and the makeshift carport he put up just went flying through the air! It's days like this that make me want to just go back to bed and sleep till summertime. Mike has been in a really weird mood the last few days too. He has never been an ill natured person but it seems like he has the whole world on his shoulders f

catbeleu

catbeleu

Will he ever.......

I am wondering if Mike will ever be comfortable around my ex. You would think after 4 years of being separated and divorced and now that we are married he would be able to spend some time with my children during events that include their Dad. My ex has now announced that he is getting married next year and his fiancé, from what I have been told is very nice. I have no problem with being around them as I have no feelings that remain for my ex. The marriage was a disaster and I got out of it. I de

catbeleu

catbeleu

Merry Christmas!!!!!

I want to wish everyone a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! Hope Santa brought you everything you wanted and everyone enjoys their day! God Bless you all!!!!!!!!!!

catbeleu

catbeleu

Playing again!!!

For all of you who know my story you know that one of Mikes many talents was to play guitar and sing. He lost that gift when he had his stroke. The singing could be done with someone else playing the music for him but he always said he could not keep the rythem of the song if he wasn't picking the guitar. He use to be the manager of a small music store in our little town and he and the store owner are very close. Chad came to visit us a few weeks ago and made Mike a promise that he would learn

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catbeleu

Need to tell someone

Hello everyone, I just need to talk to someone about my Dad. Can't do it on facebook, too many family members on there and don't want to worry them with my thoughts. My Dad is not doing very well and is on home hospice. Went to family dinner yesterday, had to help with bedpan, got so discouraged. My oldest sister is his main caregiver and she keeps me informed for the most part but actually seeing with my own eyes sure does turn on the light bulb in my brain. He is 78, has had a long good life.

catbeleu

catbeleu

Be Safe This winter!

Our heat went out a few weeks ago so we had to have someone come fix it. He said our unit is getting quite old and we should really think about getting it replaced before next season. He also reminded us that it is very important to have a Carbon monoxide detector in our house seeing as how we heat with gas, thanks to Nancy now I didn't have to buy one! He was telling us how easy it is to be poisoned without even knowing it is happening, really got me worried there for a little bit. So now my de

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catbeleu

Don't know if it is a good idea.......

Well call me crazy but I have decided to buy myself a motorcycle!!! Mike has been missing riding sooo much lately so we decided to go out to the bike trailer and get Babe cranked so he could hear her. Well this led to him sitting on her and trying to reach the clutch which he has not been able to do since the stroke. Low and behold he could do it!!! Now he is all fired up about riding again! He still has a long way to go before he can ride but he is working on it. He goes out there everyday and

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catbeleu

Got the Blaaaahs

Well here I sit another day with Mike in bed and no end in site to this madness of four walls that are closing in around me. Mike has decided that he is tired of taking all the meds that he has been on and has chosen to only take the ones medically necessary to keep him from having another stroke. He has been sleeping more and more here lately and I am wondering if it is the change in seasons or if he has become depressed with his life and just won't admit it. I have talked to him about trying a

catbeleu

catbeleu

Eating again!

I know I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I would just update a little on things. As most of you know Mike has been battling an issue with taste. He changed doctors a couple of months ago due to the one he was seeing was just not that well knowledgeable in stroke and we were at a stand still with his recovery. This new doctor has dealt with stroke patients quite a bit so he has had the experience in the field. We told him of Mikes taste issue and he immediately decided he needed to start

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catbeleu

Not gonna let him loose it!

Mike has been so tired here lately he doesn't even get out of bed and he is ready to go back! We have asked the doctor to prescribe him something for energy but he just doesn't seem to care. Now we are in the process of trying to find him a new doctor that has more of an insight to what might be best for him so while we are waiting for this transition he is just going down hill even more. He has lost 5 more pounds and has almost stopped eating again. Therefore I have decided that instead of lett

catbeleu

catbeleu

Not gonna let him loose it!

Mike has been so tired here lately he doesn't even get out of bed and he is ready to go back! We have asked the doctor to prescribe him something for energy but he just doesn't seem to care. Now we are in the process of trying to find him a new doctor that has more of an insight to what might be best for him so while we are waiting for this transition he is just going down hill even more. He has lost 5 more pounds and has almost stopped eating again. Therefore I have decided that instead of lett

catbeleu

catbeleu