WOW!!! Can't think of a suitable reply Colleen, what a nightmare you have been through. I can only hope it gets better for you and Mike. Slow and steady progress is the best.  Keep helping him in his recovery and time care of yourself too if that is possible.  (((HUGS)))

Sue.

So sorry to hear of all your troubles, hopefully as they say "It's always darkest before the dawn".  Why do bad things always happen in bunches?

There is a saying that human beings need to have challenges in life to evolve,become more in tune with spirituality,and promote a social community. I try and look for these things in my own life when it feels like a little black cloud is following me around and raining on me.only me.

I enjoyed reading a book called man#s search for meaning by viktor frankl. He was holocaust survivor as well as a neurologist and psychiatrist. In a nutshell his message was that it is important to find meaning in all forms of existence,even brutal ones,in order to find a reason to continue living,and that there is meaning even in suffering, and that no matter what the circumstance we have the power over our reaction to it.

This outlook is very hard for a diva like me,but it has enabled me to face and endure unpleasant things in life. Right now I am currently trying to figure out the meaning of things I see as senseless in my own life. Since I cannot see it, I journal about my feelings,things I do,how I am changing,other people....

I have been forced to become aware that my great plans for my life did not get authorized so I scramble around Looking for something more in life than what I used to value as meaningful. I do lots of tantrums inside my heart as my soul feels empty and lost sometimes and I realize I must do the work and it is terrifying yet empowering. Letting go of my disillusions leaves a void,I want to fill that space with meaning,peace,and fulfillment. But sometimes I am stuck and other times I am not. But that is just my own journey. I needed guidance to find a path to my spirituality,values,meaning. I read,discuss,journal,try to open my heart to possibilities of seeing myself and my life differently from the narrow perspective I hold onto.

I relate to your pain,disappointment,loss,frustration. However, I truly believe you stand at the doorway of opportunity. I hope you find comfort from all of us surrounding you with understanding. I hope you look for empowerment. I hope you take a moment to reframe yourself and see the strength that I see in your fighting spirit,your seeking.

On the practical side, if I may suggest trying to reconnect to your daughter's wedding. You cannot go back in time,so why not do something now to celebrate the event rather than the day. Perhaps you are crafty, or a photo music thing on computer,or a dinner to be with others. I remember after my wedding that suddenly there was a lull there when I missed all that celebration,so perhaps your daughter may welcome you wanting to create your own piece of belonging,participating in this milestone in her life. It is not too late. You are still here.

Mike survived again. Remember childhood games that sometimes made you start all over? I used to feel panicky,but I was still playing in the game so there was still motivation hope to win. Mike is still here. Take that as a win. Just keep going. Take each day. That is enough. Put some fun or treat in every precious day. That is hard for me to figure out sometimes. That worry is a better replacement of all other worries that I have no control over. And according to Patch Adams those things are an Rx for healing.

Ask not what your life will do for you,but what you will do for your life.

Saw that somewhere.

Peace embrace you. Take care.

If it helps at all, a year and a half ago Ray fell at the top of the stairs and broke his arm, resulting in his refusing to walk anymore.  He got weaker and weaker, and then exactly a year later ended up in the hospital with pneumonia....but I took him home anyway, since the summer was just beginning.  He was not himself for months and then another pnuemonia battle in September resulting in him back in the hospital, where they put in a feeding tube (so depressed about that!) and then this time three months of rehab.  But he's getting better, and Mike will too.  It just takes so darn long!   For very action there's an opposite and equal reaction, and that means there are better days just around the corner for both of us.

I'm so sorry to hear about all your troubles.  You are not alone, trust me.

I have had some set backs with Larry after his last hospitalization.  He always bounces back.  You just have to deal with whatever comes in this stroke world of ours.  

I wish you and Mike the best.  Take care of yourself and enjoy your daughter and her family.

Julie

Colleen :

I am so sorry you are going through another darkness period they say its always too fark before dawn. we just have to hold on the hope that sun will come out. Usually when you are going through dark period its very hard to believe that something better going to come out of this ordeal, but you got to believe & be strong for both of you. who knows that Mike will end p getting more rehab due to this injury & will recover better than before. I love the idea of Pam. you need to connect with your daughter & celebrate her wedding in your own personal small party.  I know when I was going through dark phase in my own life my hubby's words that keep your head above water & hold on little longer, things will change  & you will get through this. nothing lasts forever good times or bad times. all is in our attitude. will keep you & your family in my prayers

Asha

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I am so sorry for both of you. It was so important for Mike to be able to ride again and that was such a terrific goal to work towards. But now with the new brain bleed, time to step back and re-eval goals.

Baby steps, as you know and get through one set back at a time. Time now to hunker down, decorate for the holidays and enjoy music, good holiday movies and good food. Family in to visit and enjoy time with. Come first of the year, you start again.

Stay healthy, exercise and for right now, I think both of you need some quality down time. In my thoughts and prayers, Debbie

Thanks everyone for the encouraging words.

Pam, my daughter and I did talk and decided that on her first anniversary we are going to do it all over again and this time I will make sure Mike stays safe, LOL!

As far as the extra rehab Asha, they did put him in a rehab facility for a week and he refused the help due to all the pain and not being able to use his left arm at all because it is broken in two places so we are planning on getting some once the cast is off and he is healed from the broken arm and ribs and yes who knows maybe he will be better than he was. Right now he doesn't have the spastisity issue in his arm he had before the accident so that is a good thing.

Debbie, he has never been one to celebrate the holidays, don't know why but it's just the way he is so I will be kind of glad when it is all over and that stress of shopping and cooking is off me. I know I sound like a scrouge but that is just the way it feels right now. Last year I was so sad from my Mom and Dad's death and dealing with the first Christmas without them I didn't put up a tree, but this year I am going to do that if it kills me!

Hope you all have a Merry Christmas and I am once again thankful to have this site for a refuge for my vents. Love you all and God bless each one of you!