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Will he ever.......


catbeleu

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I am wondering if Mike will ever be comfortable around my ex. You would think after 4 years of being separated and divorced and now that we are married he would be able to spend some time with my children during events that include their Dad. My ex has now announced that he is getting married next year and his fiancé, from what I have been told is very nice. I have no problem with being around them as I have no feelings that remain for my ex. The marriage was a disaster and I got out of it. I definitely have no desire to rekindle any of those feelings, but Mike is determined not to be in the same area as him. My daughter is having a New Year's Eve party and wants us to come but since her dad and his fiancé are going to be there Mike has declined to go! I really do miss celebrating these times with my children but what am I to do? Any suggestions?

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Cat: It may be as simple as your ex-husband is "whole" and Mike is not. Somehow Mike might feel this just tosses "stroke" right back in his face. You can't fix that.

 

For me, I would go for a few hours alone. It really is about your children, afterall. Just a thought. Debbie

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Hi Cat, I agree with Debbie. This could be jealousy from Mike, that he has haded a stroke, while Ex's is "fine". You should go spend time with your kids. Time goes so fast, and time not spend with your kids is time that you can not get back. Plus you dont want to feel torn between your kids and Mike. Just go and enjoy.

 

Yvonne

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Another thing is, sometimes when we tell someone all the things about our ex's when they hurt us, it is very hard for that person you told to look them in the eye without wanting to bash their face in.

 

I remember my sister used to tell me every thing her in-laws every said to her, and then she'd ask us to come eat dinner with them. It was very hard to sit there and eat and look at them, knowing the details.

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All true..... go for a couple hours - i think this is about Mike and the "wholeness" and not so much about YOU and the EX.... so go for a couple hours and spend the midnight "cuddling Mike" nancyl

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Doing things with people from your past and the children isn't always easily understood by both parties, it just is not and if an attitude arises it could quickly get out of hand. Usually in separations one person still cares and wants to hold on for what ever reason.

 

I got four times that experience now and much older but certain people just can't bare the thought of exes in the same house anymore with the children no matter their ages!

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Thanks everyone. I can see the problem Mike might have from all your views. He does feel a little incompetent when he is around my ex, which has only been one time, and my ex has said some ugly things about Mike in the past, so I understand his point. However for me to go alone is totally out of the question for now. He still has feelings for me even though he is engaged and it would just be too uncomfortable for me. I will just make a good excuse and politely decline the invite this year. Maybe next year? We will just have to wait and see. Happy New Year everyone! Have a safe and happy one!!!

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Larry has been married before and we see his ex at the birthday parties for the kids. We do not go to holiday dinners or any other dinners where she is included. We go for the kids and everyone is friendly. Larry's ex has MS so she also has health issues to deal with. I can understand Mike not wanting you to go alone.

 

Julie

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