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Got the Blaaaahs



Well here I sit another day with Mike in bed and no end in site to this madness of four walls that are closing in around me. Mike has decided that he is tired of taking all the meds that he has been on and has chosen to only take the ones medically necessary to keep him from having another stroke. He has been sleeping more and more here lately and I am wondering if it is the change in seasons or if he has become depressed with his life and just won't admit it. I have talked to him about trying a depression med but he will not here of it, says that he isn't depressed. We got the doctor to prescribe him meds for his lack of energy and he took it for about a week, in my opinion it seemed to help but he said after the first few days he couldn't tell that it was helping anymore so now he won't take it. He started taking zinc for his taste and said after about 3 days it was working great, now he says it isn't helping and so he won't take it anymore either! I just don't understand why things seem to work in the beginning and then he is right back to where he was. I know the stroke damaged his brain but I just can't figure out how to help him anymore. I can't force him to take the medicine all I can do is offer it to him and if he takes it, great, and if he doesn't then I have done my part. I just don't know what else to do. Oh well guess that's enough rambling for now. Hope all is well with everyone!


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I am so sorry that Mike has stop taking his meds. He does sound depressed. I was a mess after my stroke, and I was depressed, but would not admitted. My brain could not would not accept .


My daughter, said she was worry about me, she can be very bossy. So she said "get in the car", and took me to the doctor. She went in the room with me, and told the doctor some thing was wrong.The doctor asked me some questions, agree, and put me on med. My daughter and husband made sure I took then. Slowly I begin to feel" human". saw that maybe I did not know best.

My dear, like you say,if he takes it great, if not, you have done your part.

You both in my prayers, stay strongh.



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Ray used to go into what I saw as depression but could not have medication for it so I tried taking him out more, exposing him to longer hours of sunlight, adding vitamin D to the mix, all designed to pep him up again. He had to take all his tablets, I never let him mess with that. As a caregiver here you do have certain responsibilities and seeing they attend medical treatment and take the medication are two of them. From my point of view anything that made Ray sicker made my job harder and why would you do that to yourself?


Colleen, I don't know what you can do for him apart from keeping yourself strong but you could try another tactic, try a bit of reverse psychology. You could start having a really good time yourself, sing as you do your work,bop to your favourite music, sit in the sun with your favourite beverage, just look your best, act as if life is grand for you and see if he is willing to join in. There is no point in you both being sad is there? I used to do this when the children were sulky and in the end it seemed to work.

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We have an appt with a new psychiatrist for an eval Tuesday, just in time to try to hold off Ray's annual winter blues. Comes around our house every year when the sun starts going down earlier. Forget about daylight savings time! There's only so much Vitamin D and real sunshine can do for people that are overly sensitive to Seasonal Affective Disorder; psych meds are what is called for in most cases. Ray also is starting to take naps and sleep an hour or so later in the morning, so I'm trying to head it off at the pass, from past experience. Otherwise after the holidays, it will be a nightmare for us, once there is nothing else to look forward to. The meds take a month or two to kick in fully, so if that is the problem you have to start now. I'm lucky though, Ray takes his pills; way back when he used to play games but at some point he got with the program on his own, after a few weird incidents.


Your primary doctor should be referring you to a psychiatrist, they are experts on those kinds of drugs and the need for them. Everyone else is just guessing, unfortunately.

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As you know Dan is doing better, although not a big miracle - ( well kinda) a big part is his needed hydration , but also the antidepressant .. and dan used to refuse that , but finally does take it now.. i believe it works but it takes awhile.. I am also on a antidepressant - since dans stroke... and it has been VITAL . And like Mike and Dan ( and the rest of the world)-- i have "decided" i dont need it. and untill i DO realize i need it !! I cant deal with Dans issues and our lifes issues with out it.. it is a sad admission on my part... but i no longer work- ( outside the home LOL) , dont get enough "real exercise" mentally or physically. Don't socialize much at all -- makes for a pretty blue life for anyone.. I am certainly "dumbed down" .... but the antidepressant is helpful ... it is a tool ... i am tired with it or with out it. but i feel better about our life WITH it... keep encouraging Mike to take it.... and you to... but Mike certainley sounds depressed, and sadly right at this point he has to make some decisions to get back to living... seasonally depression is normal, and mikes daughter recently moved ( i think) so he is shifting into sadness and has much to digest and accept... I pray for both of you, and hope you and him can get through this very dark part of the post stroke life.. it is so scary , and we live on the edge of it at all times that i can really sympathize as you well know... keep those claws dug into that tree and hang in there baby... it will take a while it is part of the long mourning process mike is going through... and every loss for both of you is a big one, even the daughters move is a "loss" .. so the smallest thing you two can not longer can control is a loss and sends you or him back into mourning.. even the best buy thing is adding to the depression right now... every little thing is so HUGE right now.. it feels like the world is impossible to mike so he is sleeping his time off... but eventually he will come back to life... but you HANG on till then.. Bless you -- been there and doing that with you ... Nancyl

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Oh yes, Caregiver Blahs, I get them too. Larry still is not wanting to eat. He will drink milk like crazy, so I dump things in it for the calories. I tried the Zinc. The dietician advised every other day for Larry. He also gets zinc in his Boost. So far, not helping. Larry takes his pills faithfully evey day. Reminds me if I forget. There are so many differences in the stroke issues our guys have. I tried every way to get him to eat. Pureed foots are out. I can't blame him as they don't look appetizing. It's hard as a caregiver because you cannot control some of their issues. We can only try.


I hope things turn around for Mike. I agee he seems depressed. I think Larry is too but he is on an antidepressant. We have a physiatrist and she is not much help with the eating disorder. She is mostly good for Botox and therapy scripts,



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As compliant as Charlie was, he showed symptoms of depression. Mike definitely sounds depressed (and, of course, will deny it) don't let him give up.....try something new. You might try the old sneaky techniques and mash his pills into powder then mix with food or strongly flavored drinks (just don't tell him). Just because he says something doesn't make a difference, doesn't mean it's so. Charlie gave up and is now in a grave......don't let this happen to Mike.

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One of the traits of depression that some people experience is called "lack of insight" which means the person can't recognize their symptoms. They may know they're tired or sad or feeling blah but they attribute it to events going on around them. Add to that men (tough guys) really avoid admitting to anything that makes them seem weak. Sadly there are people who view depression as weakness. Mike might believe he's not depressed, or he may want to believe he's not and he may be less likely to believe it if you or someone close to him tell him so. His doctor has the best chance of getting through to him and can ask him questions that can tell for sure if he is depressed.


Please don't crush psych meds and sneak them into his food or drinks. Many of them are time-release and crushing them can cause a toxic reaction. Most of these pills are very strong so they are given a coating that slows their digestion and absorption into the body. crushing them can also cause digestive distress. Before taking that chance please clear it with your pharmacist or doctor.



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Cat: at this point, there is not much you can do. Bruce is also very compliant to his meds. He often holds the antidepressant for a bit, but ends up taking it.


My only suggestion for you at this point, is to take care of you. Maybe hairdresser, start walking. Get some of the household projects done. You have to investigate Insurance and maybe take some time to look at the budget again and make some changes. Library. Things that you need to get done and then some things just for you. Get out of the house for a bit. If he can get in and out of bed safely by himself, time for you to do something for you. Prayers and hugs, Debbie

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Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Mikes doctor has asked him about depression but Mike insisted that he wasn't so the doctor did not push the subject. Oh well we will get through this as we have everything else. I just needed to vent I guess! God Bless you all! ((((((((((HUGS))))))))

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Cat -- that is greatest part of this site.... can you imagine having NO ONE who can say , Oh yes i have seen "that" before... luckily Sue was always able to say ( all the way from overseas- ) I have seen that. except once and that was a scary, scary thing.. i felt we were where no one else has been.. of course intellectually i know we were not the first.. But it is a lonely feeling... and babe- vent here anytime !!! and yes, you will get through this, one day at a time !!!

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