Sue as a caregiver we all take try to continue our lives as normal as possible but there comes a time when we must decide between the things we have to do and the things we want to do. Sounds like you have come to the stage in the cargiver's life where you need to make some decisions to let others take over some of the things you do so that you can focus more on Ray and your Mum. I know we need other things in our life so that we can keep some sort of connection with normalacy but we tend to over do on some of them to the extent that we are put in the position you are currently in, choosing to do things that don't involve the care of our loved ones and then feeling guilty about it. Do what you need to do, some of what you can do and leave the rest to others. Don't try to take on the world. In the end you will not succeed and you will also be left saying to yourself "what if?" You don't want to feel that way! It's not what you deserve. You have done a wonderful job taking care of your Mom and Ray. Don't start second guessing yourself and your decisions now.

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) to you! I will keep you in my prayers!

Cat

To say what I feel - I wish that life wasn't such a great drama. I hate to see Ray sick yet again. I hate Mum being shut in, exactly as if she was a prisoner. I want life to get back to being mundane and ordinary and allow us all to get some sort of balance in our lives. I am sure that time will come as it always does.

Yes, you are right, I thought for a while I could do other things, but at the moment I can't. So I need to accept that.

Sue.

Sue,

You are entering that "I can't slow down mode" your human energy kicks in and keeps your engine humming like a brand new car!! You really don't have a schedule of sort you kinda do as you feel and go so you can to get things done but I did that going for awhile and had to take a long rest!!

That was when I was younger and had just retired from the Army! I thought I needed to keep on the move and not sit down and get old and fat!! You got purposes in life and responsibilities with your mum and Ray and with my poor eyesight I can't see how you get it all done and sleep at night!!! I'd be so darn tired if I laid down somebody would have to help me get up!! Thank God for your energy He has given you!!!

Sue, I remember a time in my life when I began having many health problems. I was always the one doing things for my family and jumping in for them... and to tell you the truth, I did it way past when I should have, because I got a feeling of pride knowing that I could do something they couldn't seem to do on their own. But, one day I just told them, "I am not getting my own work done, so I can't do this too". It hurt not to be that super hero that I thought I was, but in a little while, I felt so much less under stress, and no more guilt because I'd put THEIR needs before my own family. If things go really ugly, you don't want to be left thinking you should have been with Ray instead of at a community meeting. This is hard, but it will feel much worse later, if you let other people's problems take your time now. There will be guilt on both sides, but the overwhelming guilt will be if something happens to Ray. Stick by him and retreat from the rest. This will also be less taxing on you.

I don't know what you mean when you say your mom is in lock down, could you explain that? I hope she gets out soon, so you can see her. Sending you hugs, it's so hard for a really strong woman to let others go about taking care of their needs without us feeling we have to be there, but do it.

Sue,

You are an amazing woman, but you Need to Major on the Majors, not the Minors. I know it isn't easy. I'll keep you in my prayers.

-Will

Sandy, when there is a certain number of cases of say pneumonia, any notifiable disease really, in a nursing home there have to be notices in the windows, on the doors etc and all but essential staff are kept out. This is referred to as "lock down".That means no visitors, entertainers, no-one but nursing and cleaning staff.

Mums Home has over the notifiable number of Gastro-Enteritis cases so 48 hours after the last case and the place will be open again and I can go in to see Mum. I really miss her and know that in her own peculiar way she probably misses me too. Last year we were locked out for two weeks.

Sue.

Sue, so you are trying to balance Ray and Mum and find something for Sue. Where does Sue go from here?

I remember when Bruce was first hospitalized, I would come home at night and just toss the house. Our garbage men must have thought I was nuts! Something to do, keep my mind off my issues, trying to project some future that I had no clue of.

It is hard to see Ray regress. In your mind, I know you are prepared for this. In your heart, I don't think so. So you go day to day. Stay in limbo, because that is where your have to be right now. Fit in some projects you consider to be interesting or you may want to pursue, but for now, it is just day to day. I remember doing that at Bruce's SNF and that was only for 8 weeks!

So you go easy. I understand, for different reasons, of course, the urge to sleep. My brain and body beg for it, but I never seem to be able to settle.

I was speaking with Fred this week about the distance between all of us. My greatest gift would to be sharing a cup of tea, in your garden-patio and just spending time getting to know you and you , me. Keep that as a small gift that may be to come. Debbie