you know the irony to this --- dan can clean things and does-- he would be capable of cleaning baseboards and such even painting -- but he is so anal it would take forever... who cares though except he will only do what he wants to do... so ironically bruce lacks the physical ability and dan the cognitive ability... the same but different from our friend the stroke...nancyl----and i myself am suffering from procrastination i could gain a lot of room in our big bedroom if i would get off my butt and finish paperwork....nancyl

Debbie, I too would like to hear from those who work part time or full time, and how they manage to take care of their survivor.

I know I could not do what you do and have the energy to take care of Larry, including Dr. appts., exercise at facility, therapy, etc. Add to that, taking care of all aspects of owning a home, including financial matters. Larry could probably do more but won't unless I push for it. He even expects me to hand him the TV remote instead of getting up to get it. Also, I sometimes get up several times during a meal to get him more milk, etc. After the third time, I make him get up and get it and then feel so guilty seeing him carry it with his cane! The one OT told me though "he should've been doing before"! I guess I spoil him too. Larry is different from Bruce in that he does not like outings and would just as soon stay home. I ask him "how can you stand to stay home and look at these walls"? So, I go out, and he is fine with this. I am worn out trying to encourage him and do everything else. I could never work outside the home again and don't want to.

You are organized and energetic so it is different for you. Hats off to you Debbie for all you do.

Julie

Debbie for you and Bruce I feel it will be like me and my wife and I say up front was why we decided on a scooter rather than a chair for me to use and get around!

First the power chair was like I had and was already tired of using so the power chair to me would have been the same thing! I wanted something I could use and had to be careful using it until I learned how it handles! That didn't take but a minute because I had a scooter before, the kind you put your feet on the floorboard and just steer it where you wanted to go!

It wasn't a motorcycle but a scooter street ready with helmet and all but not very speedy and I rode it to work at the post office every early mornings and was great on gas!! I don't use this scooter on the street just from the parking lot into the building!! That's how I was able to work at Walmart as a greeter for three years and I could stand, walk around whenever I wanted!!

Anyway if Bruce is doing OK, got his balance, can walk with a cane or quad cane he is now ready to do more for himself and by himself! He has come a long way and must turn that manual chair loose or he will get dependent on it!!

Leaving him to do things is a great idea cause he is a smart man to begin with knows right from wrong and he isn't about to try cooking for himself and can heat what he needs in the microwave!!

Before long he will be doing chores around the house including making up the bed putting dirty clothes in the hamper and dusting!! I got 5 dusters in different lengths even one to reach the ceiling fan blades As we recover we want to do things to get back in touch with real life one handed!!

So Debbie if you could call me sometimes I would love to give you tips on how to manage all this while you take notes!!

Bruce has decided what he will and will not do. No one has had more speech, PT, OT, Pool than Bruce and he has given all that up. Fred, he is already dependent on the WC in my opinion. We have a scooter and it is great for outings, turn radius is a bit wide for our small house, but he can get anywhere, independently in the WC.

Right now his responsibilities involve taking care of himself. You know, he doesn't balk or refuse, he just doesn't think about it. Again setting those standards so early. If he is Estimming and wants another cup of coffee, he asks. I have to say "Put the Estim in your pocket and tool over and get your coffee. But I have to say, on most things, he is beginning to think about it first - again; rote, rote, rote.

He had a terrific week, was so "on", today a back slide, but to go six days the way he did was amazing and gives some hope.

I don't see full time employment any time soon. This week will end up being 32 hours and I sure won't do that again soon. As Julie advised, everything else is now backed up. I will be three days catching up. But my Health Insurance is expensive and I think testing the waters every so often puts where we are in perspective. The goal is still there, just pushed back a bit. Debbie

My husband had his stroke in January 2011. I was off work for a couple of weeks, when he was critical. He was in the hosptial for 3 months, 2 weeks in ICU and the remainder in rehab. I worked two days in the office and three days from the hospital room. I stayed at the hospital the entire time he was there. Slept in the room with him. My brother-in-law came two days a week so I could work in the office. Other than that, I was there around the clock. My employer has been so good and allowed me to continue working full-time however, I could manage. I have to work so we can have medical insurance. It is hard. I have no help. I now work 5 days a week and most days 9 hours a day. He stays at home alone and knows his limitations. I do worry about him falling while I am away and feel really guilty as I wonder if he would be much better if I could stay at home with him and do more of the therapy. He did take 6 months of outpatient therapy of which I hired someone to take him to and from therapy. We do most of this therapy in the evenings when I get home. I have come to learn that I can only do what I can do...if the house isn't spotless, that's okay too. On the week-ends, I try to do the things that he enjoys and get him out of the house as much as I can. Winter will be here soon and he'll be stuck in the house. I will have to admit...some days, I dream of going somewhere and sleeping for a week with no worries.....We just do what we have to do and there are days that I am so bone tired and days that I cry myself to sleep (without him knowing it of course) . My daddy taught me to always be strong and when I cry, I can see him pointing his finger at me from heaven, saying, "quit your whining". haha Don't know if this helps, but thought I would throw it in. God Bless. Judy

Debbie :

I don't like to call my hubby my caregiver, he is my soulmate & he was my strength in the begining part of my stroke journey till I regained my inner strength back. Right after my stroke when I was in ICU, he & rest of my family rallied around me & stayed by my side. once I moved to rehab my sister came to be with me so that hubby could go back to work & take care of our young son. Every stroke is different & so is recovery, but having great family support & young family depending on me helped me and luckily I had only physical damage & no cognative damage so I could see more I will be able to do myself & for our family it will be one less work for my husband, Even though he was bit reluctant in begining leaving me alone. After my sister left he hired full time help for us, whose main job was not to leave me alone & take care of our home duties like cooking, cleaning, ofcourse that added more to my depression since it made me feel worthless, once hubby got comfortable leaving me alone & we got rid of help, which made me do more around the house that gave huge boost to my self esteem. today after 8+ years on this post stroke journey I view stroke just as speed bump in my life's journey which made my marriage stronger & allowed me to appreciate simple joys of life

Asha

Judy: thank you for taking the time to write. I just don't know how you do it, but like you say, one day at a time. We've gone through so many changes here. And sometimes I am at odds as to what direction to go in. I think if the decision had had to be made immediately: income, insurance, etc. I might have some guilt, but I would not have set the standard of doing everything for him and having to wean him off now.

I appreciate the advice and sharing of your routine. Debbie

First look for some curtains that you just love and will enjoy looking at everyday. That's how I do the windows. People clean baseboards? I'm lucky to clean the peanut butter off my face.... I guess I'm no help.... which would probably explain my next quandry...