seizures

I know you guys told me I should see the neurologist but I had to reschedule my appointment for next month and wont be able to see him until February. I am kind of afraid to bring it up because I don't want to get my license taken away. I really want to be able to drive again when I feel comfortable and right now I don't have to be reviewed by the med board until 2014 so I don't want these mysterious dizzy spells to mess me up if he puts in his chart that I still have seizures. I looked through my journal and luckily I found the dates everything has been happening

October 25- my first dizziness/seizure in my sleep. I woke up during a dream

Nov 10- I felt dizzy while going in and out of a nap during the day. I guess I was half sleep or trying to fall asleep and my brain got stuck in that phase where your not actually sleep yet but your thoughts are all mixed up

Nov 12- Started the bioness

Nov 13- Started the baclofen again

Nov 19-got my shoulder injection where I felt dizzy after dozing off from the "relaxation shot"

Nov 22- had the worst seizure yet, banged on the wall, bit my tongue, tried to scream for help til i could wake myself up

Looking at these dates, I actually started getting dizzy before I got back on the baclofen so I cant really blame it on the drowsiness. I know my doc had told me before that abruptly stopping baclofen can cause seizures but he didnt say anything about abruptly starting it. I also cant really blame the bioness because it seem like I would have a seizure while Im doing the e-stim not randomly in my sleep.

my hand

Anyway I am trying not to give up. Trying to look at the positives in my life. My thumb, index, and pinky are getting looser but my ring and middle fingers have so much tone still When I was reading my journal I was reminded all the pain I was in just a few weeks ago. I couldn't even sleep because my arm was so bent. I guess the injection, baclofen, and e-stim are helping. I straighten my arm more and my fingers are more relaxed I wear my wrist support at work and its easy to put on my splint after I do my bioness for hour and a half. My doctors in Fayetteville are still being slow about transferring my medical records so I have not been scheduled for OT yet but the bioness rep said he can see me on Monday for a follow up. I hope he can get the bioness people to extend my trial and I hope he will put my bioness on another setting for my last week so I can actually move my fingers more.

working

I love my job. At first it was intimidating. I shelve books all day so it is kind of intimidating since everybody else uses both hands but I use one. Im great at it and I've been doing it since high school but I still feel like my co-workers are judging me in some kind of way. I dont know if they think Im amazing for figuring out how to get big books in small places or if they think Im slow and wish they had a quicker worker. I think Im a great worker. I love being on my feet moving around. It makes me feel more able bodied and I love what I do so I don't get tired. I wish I had all my vision. It would make organizing the shelves more quicker but I guess I got to stop being so impatient and just take my time and do it right even if I do have to stare a little longer to make sure everything is in order.

My Vocational Rehab counselor gave me a December bus pass since Im working now so I won't have to walk as much since I will have unlimited rides and not have to scrap up a dollar every time I want to get on the bus.

P.S. I have not made up with my parents. I have to do everything for myself, pay all my bills, while my dad still changes my 25 year old high school drop out brother's diapers and fixes his meals. It just isnt fair. There is nothing wrong with him and my dad does everything for him while I have to financially take care of myself. my mom is so mentally gone I cant even reach her because she threw her cell phone away. My family is a hard topic I'd rather not discuss openly on the internet anymore. For whoever asked if I tried a different muscle relaxant, yes I tried zanaflex and it put me straight to sleep worse than baclofen.

Well sorry this is so long. I love you guys