Cat,

I guess we just have to be grateful we are still here healing, recovering with a roof over our heads in a place we can call home!! I can't help but think of the soldiers who didn't come back from the war zones to be with their kids once again for Christmas time!

This year is better it's another year all together and not as much sadness perhaps!!!!

Cindy - NOT Colleen - LOL. Good to talk last night. We did have some fun.

First year post stroke, I went to small nursery that Bruce always went to. I worked evenings and he always sent something to the SNF on Christmas Eve from there and since I always worked Christmas, we held off ours until I had some time off. Made my sister crazy! LOL. One year it was January 3rd before I got a day off. The nursery people recognized Bruce, took him inside in the WC for hot cider and the wood stove. I picked a 3ft tree and they even delivered and put the lights on it for me.

Lugging all that stuff up from the cellar and then repacking was so exhausting, but it made such a difference. Bruce loves Christmas. Second year, I packed only our special stuff. All the fill in ornaments, lights, etc (we always had a big tree) I donated. So that helped. Only stuff put away was the stuff we really treasured.

Last year I would get up every morning, help him transfer out of bed, light the tree for him. He did his coffee and read the paper. Personally I honestly think he just went along with me. Nothing special.

This year, with the wedding, way behind. I finally have tomorrow off and just can't get my mind around it. I would just like to pick up a small, decorated tree and maybe a door wreath and let it go at that. Cards are strung like we always do - that is easy and we have been working on sending our cards. But I know no one is going to visit. Carl may drop in, but then there is nothing special for Bruce and I. It would be just like any other day and that, to me, is just sad.

Next year will be different. We will have the living room cleared out. I will have purchased all the pieces for the new stereo system, so I can load up 5 CDs and have our holiday music. And then I wonder if he really cares. It is something I would like, but does Bruce really care one way or another?

And like you, I have so many family traditions, which have become Bruce's. Only I put lights on a tree because it is a "Palmer" thing (my Dad) and making Dad's antipasto. Plus all the memories Bruce and I have collected. Just don't know anymore. Debbie

It's different now, but it's OK. This is our second Christmas post stroke. At least Ray still likes Christmas, as always; his family celebrated Italian style, which means over the top with everything. He seems a little perkier this year, although right now he's still in bed having anxiety attacks and being sad. Hopefully after he gets up things will improve. We've given up on gifts, except for my Christmas cookies and homemade jams, but no kids so no hard feelings. This year I'm calling our trip into the city our gift to each other, just so we have something.

We have tons of Christmas CDs but also cassettes since we're old fogies; our stereo got blown up by the lightning hit last year and the new one doesn't know what a cassette is (or a VHS, forget about Beta!) Luckily I still have my Boom Box from the 1980s so we played all the cassettes last night during dinner...beautiful classical music but also Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Bing Crosby, et al. Glad you reminded me about the 5 CD cartridge, we have two of them and I will load them tonight. The tree is lit, the mantle decorated (but no stockings!) but that's it, I did manage to put a string of lights outside on a timer so our neighbors can see. It's just OK, but it could be worse I guess. At least we're still together, for better or worse!

Cindy,

It will be a very quiet Christmas for us. There is only William and myself. I did not do any decorating . It is too much work and it is all upstairs in the attic. William usually helps me lug stuff down. So without his help...I do not want to do it by myself. He understands. I need to find a small little tree.

Gifts are not necessary. William told me to go and buy something for myself. But, I really do not need anything. Well, i do need a non-spill cup for work. That can be my Christmas gift. I may go around looking for one tomorrow. I told William that the wii is our Christmas gift for both of us. I really enjoy it as much as William for exercise.

This is life post stroke. We do have each other and will have a beautiful day together. Listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas shows.

I do hope that you find out what is causing the eating disorder problems. Or it just resolves by itself.

Take care.

Ruth