In my opinion, you know what that counts for...Nothing!! but let me say in the early goings of stroke recovery you remember everyone saying the brain and body needs plenty rest to recover properly!!! So let him rest while you do a cross word puzzle or two!!

Those puzzles will relieve depression in two minutes or less from my experiences!! You are not wrong in my opinion but I'm speaking from 9 years of recovery!!!

Cheers to you and Mike and Happy new year too!! Love is a really wonderful thing if we could just understand it better!!

You gotta get him feeling better you say, OK wake him up and tell him you wanna make love in the next 15 minutes for about 30 minutes and watch how he adds up that hour smiling at you!! That's love not pain but it's all in the game, the game of love!!!!

No need to shut up and you weren't rambling, you were getting it off your chest! I don't think you're wrong in letting him sleep. As I'm sure you know by now, sleep helps heal the brain. I'm sure there is a difference between healing sleep and because you're bored or depressed. I've never figured that out. My husband is four years post stroke and he still sleeps a lot. I know what you mean about not wanting him to see how sad you are, but, you have a right to be sad. Your life has changed dramatically. You're doing a great job taking care of him, take care of yourself too!

Mary Jo

Oh Fred, what a great idea to improve his mood!! lol

I would make a to do list every day. Put those things into action while Mike is asleep. Life here used to revolve around Ray sleeping, Ray being awake. It is not something we want to do but it is a practical solution. I have always had a range of hobbies so can go from one to another without even thinking. Though I did think of adding crossword puzzles it never got a look-in.

I wish the doctors had some creative solutions to our dear ones problems but it is a struggle to find one who will listen to what we say let alone diagnose what is wrong. Have you triedtalking to someone in a health food store to see if they have any ideas?

Cat, build up your resources,fill your time with things you like to do. If you like to cook, cook when you have time, sing when you are low, walk when you can (or jog, skip or hop on one foot, anything to get the blood running through your veins) and you can travel in your mind when your body has to stay where it is.

I wish we didn't have to go through all the sadness but after 13 years of caregiving and the loss of Ray I still feel so sad about all the things that happened to Ray and me.

Sue.

Cat: some of the things that come to mind are ginger ale or flat cola, with some dry toast. Nothing like getting back to basics. Those things that worked for our parents just may well have had some benefits.

As to his sleep, I can't really help you there. Of course, I am supposed to say he needs to at least get outside for a bit, some walking. But the partner in all of this says I would do exactly what you are doing. If Bruce found peace in something, I know I would go with it.

Take Sue's advice. Find those projects that can occupy your time. Get your notebook updated for the wedding. Work on seating plans, your flowers. Invites will be due out soon, get your final decision to the printer. Get on-line to look at some new linens for the bed, maybe some new lingerie. Clean out drawers. Maybe time to take a look at that spare room. I know how difficult it is to find joy in the planning without the support. So many decisions you have to make, yourself. But look at it as your goal. It is fun to look at the pretty things. Maybe Mike would be agreeable to go for a ride and meet with the florist or work on the menu for a bit.

We did $50.00 in flowers: 2 boutinere's, 2 small corsages and my two long-stem and I knew I wanted cream-colored roses. But Bruce had a blast at the florist. He looked at all the pretty flowers, the arrangements. We were there exactly 1/2 hour and he beamed the rest of the day. Regardless of how Mike is feeling, his wedding is still coming. Take Mike to the box store: pick up your thank you notes, have him pick out some steaks that you can sub-divide and freeze. Go over to the electronics and browse the TVs - guys love that stuff. You bring your schlepp-wipes, towels. If he gets stomach sick, you leave. Nothing lost.

Go for a ride. Get him a nice, cold fizzy drink and you a coffee. Sit at the local reservoir or lake and just enjoy the view. I can't tell you how often we do that here. Works every time. Just getting away from the house for a little bit makes such a difference.

Just some ideas honey. He needs to know that life is going on and somehow he will get back to it. Don't stick with the every day routine. New Year, new life. And keep it simple. Know I am praying for both of you. Debbie