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compromise


nancyl

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well the condo ladies came back to me today..... they wanted to negotiate the concrete... i thought about it and said, yes i will compromise. We settled on one side walk from the drive way to the patio.. i made it clear to them that i absolutely could have both if i wanted them with all the ADA rules but I am not here to make anyone miserable.. and then i said you know if the biggest gripe anyone has around here is because of the cars parked in my driveway - i will park them in the common driveway.. i have not done this in the past because the condo rules state that is for guest parking.. and the ladies ( 2 of them came ) said really? i said heck yah, i dont really care where i park.. if the the mirror guy cant stand to look out his window via his mirror and see my cars instead of my driveway then if you all dont care i will just park in the common driveway... and i pointed out i really dont care where i park, i just cant for dans sake park on the garage.. it is a ridiculous choice i agree not to park in it but it is his and it is one of the few he can have the say so over... The only thing i didnt think of was that now with my cars gone the mirror guy has a much less obstructed view to my patio.. and truth be known that creeps me out... so at a later date , if i have furthur trouble i am going to request his mirror be taken down or i will put my cars back.. but for now i will see how it goes.. dan only drank 2 swallows of boost with his pills both am and pm.... so at least he is taking his pills... but has ate nothing and drank about 4-6 ounces of a coke today.. thats it.. he was in a ok mood got up and got dressed and sat out and watched TV , but refused to go to walmart or anywhere with me.. i even offered up the casino.. nope, so i just dont know.. he still is as cognizant as his norm... not overly unstable when walking, has urine, not a lot but some.... so i just don't know... until there is a medical need , not much i can do.... sooner or later it will happen either he will become disoriented or have a seizure ....it is what it is... i feel better today about things not so out of sorts... i think his strokeaversary weighed heavy on my mind.. and although dan and i have not specifically discussed he knows this is about the time "IT" happened 2 yrs ago... and he sees he just isent where he thought he would be... when michael comes over ( as he does everynite) to see dan , him and dan exchanged their manly comments LOL.. and dan sort of picked up his arm and just plunked it to indicate how "useless he feels".... it must be universal sorta as a indicator to themselves as when i was in NY with Colleen and Ray .. Ray did the same thing, and it was something Colleen and I talked a little bit about... well we are working through our crisis, but man i wish this would come to a head soon.. my arm and neck just tingles from stress... i have had it before, runs right into my fingers... we have our big st paddys day run here in jamestown this weekend.... it raises like half a million for a handicapt kids camp here, and also some money is given to help cancer families with out of pocket expenses ... but the downtown streets get over run with residents, alumni and students ( college) all doing this run from bar to bar... they dress in crazy costumes and for the most part it is a pretty fun even just to watch.. if dan doesent pull himself together soon we wont be able to go and people watch... last year there was a guy in a wrestling singlet... that was way to small for him and he painted himself green... looked like a naked green guy....it is very much an adult fun day... all most mardi gras in feeling, yes the whole exchange of beads are done.... it is fun untill about 9 pm ish then the drinkers get a little mean and i would rather just go home, so we do.... but until that time it is sorta fun to just watch the crazies in people, who for the most part are just having a good time and raising money for some very good causes... not one penney gets lost to administration type of fee's ... the guy who started it, still organizes it every year, it is his legacy... running of the green they call it, but most the time it should be called runnin in the white slushy snow.... well i am gonna turn in just another interesting day in stroke world USA..... livin the dream, livin the dream.........nancyl

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Yeah it makes me sad, every time Ray sees a new doctor, and they say can you raise your arm, so he picks up the bad arm with his good; they are so thoughtless really. I mean, it must be in his chart. When he's feeling low, I am always trying to tell him to think on the bright side but how can I deny what he has lost?

 

I even told my doctor, after he said my carotid test was perfect, why does my neck feel so tight all the time and he said "stress". Did he offer any solutions, no. I know going to the gym would be a big help, but I can't even think about it now with Ray having seizures constantly from his med changes. A year ago is when they started, and I knew I couldn't leave him alone anymore....eventually if leveled off and I did get to the gym once or twice a week (down from maybe four times a week before the stroke) barely enough to make a difference though.

 

Livin' the dream, yeah!

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I sure hope you complained to the lady about his 'surveillance'. You need to put forth your own grievances so he isn't the one with all the power of being displeased and complaining.

 

I am so glad you are feeling better with the new developements. Keep talking Nancy, it is therapeutic and we will keep listening and praying.

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Let me ask to be sure.... do the rules say you have to keep you car in the garage? If not, I'm guessing what is the burr up mirror man's butt is that he became USED TO not having a neighbor, and liked having an unobstructed view of everything going on - and now that there is a neighbor, it's cuts his nosiness down to just YOU!

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exactley, ...... there is no rule saying we specifically must park in our garage.. none... and you are correct the previous neighbors who lived here were older no kids no muss no fuss... when we came to look at the place they lived here but you would not have guessed.. 2 chairs a lamp and a bed in the bedroom with a couple dressers... it had pictures on the wall but everything was very impersonal, and they always parked in the garage and did everything very precise.. so us people who actually LIVE here are annoying to him... not so much WE are annoying but he annoys himself... he is one of those chronic complainers of life... but i am showing them i am willing to fix most anything but maybe he is the biggest problem to himself.... so yes, this spring will be interesting when i decide i want to sit outside i will find a way to have a pull down canopy curtain to have out when we are sitting there.... and if he complains I'm gonna flat out tell them he creeps me and my daughters out...

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Nancy, I'm scooting in to say I can't get the picture in my mind how your patio, garage and the driveway is set up but I know it has to be frustrating with the money you have paid out already to live there by all the hoopla you are getting with a handicap husband. Then the mirror man, nosey rosie, wants to see what you do on your patio which is none of his damn business.

 

I will say you got more patients than me and that may be for Dan's sake being there. Will you be allowed to hang that sun blind on "Your Patio" if you choose to?? That would take care of his mirror views even if the sun comes in from another side.

 

Walmart got them now in the garden center in different widths but I think the lengths are the same. You got the patients of "Job" as the saying goes. If you guys get to make your Texas vacation run you'll see what I mean at my house.

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i think if i hang it and its not visable to anyone except when being used.. i could also just get one of those tip umbrellas to... we are able to choose our own patio furniture... how generous of them lol....

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Nancy: first off honey, so pleased you were able to get some sort of satisfaction as to the patio. Dan has to be able to get outside and those Condo reps know that. I know Dan can walk, but you have to insist the walkway be wide enough to accomodate his WC. Don't let them short-change you for the sake of "Mirror man." Get your contractor to draw up the walkway, submit it to the Condo Association and if you have to, get the ADA rules out. Plan for the future and if you never need that width, know the next family along will be better off for it.

 

I had thoughts like Fred - aluminum foil hung off the cars to reflect the sunlight - LOL. Honey, if you park in the Visitors places, you have to have Association approval. Otherwise, other owners are going to complain. It truly is neverending for you. If not a sun blind, can you do a lattice with like Morning Glories growing up it?

 

Nancy, we have a beautiful deck and yard. We were blocked on all sides with trees. But neighbors took down a tree that totally exposed one side of the deck. I purchased a very expensive canvas deck shade that fit on the upper rail, still not enough for Bruce. He put up lattice that went up another 3 feet and then had planters on deck level with Moon flowers and Morning Glories. The lattice came down in the fall. But this was way too much for just me to manage. The panels are bigger than me! Let alone the planters. So back to the canvas shade. And now, with all the storm damage, we lost a major tree in the back that exposes that side.

In the early days home, he was out on that deck every single morning with his coffee and paper. Now I have to practically force him out there. Long story, short. You make the best decisions you can. Eye to the future. And the beauty of the land of the disabled is that any improvement is a money maker. Debbie

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After reading all about your issues with the condo association and neighbor, I think I have changed my mind about moving to a condo. lol I have been thinking toward the future and the maintenance of a home and yard are a lot when everything is up to me. The neighbor issue is something I guess you don't know about until you move in. We have nice neighbors here and most are younger but have been helpful to Larry and I. I hope everything works out for you and Dan there. You sure can use a break!

 

Julie

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julie the condo is still perfect in terms of maintenance and the inside couldnt be more assessable .. i just got a bad egg for a neighbor and the dogs perpetuate the problem... so if you can be pet free that is gonna be a big key..... the other is read the rules really, really well.. and between the lines if there is a common area so breathtaking , that is to perfect then it probably is a look dont touch type of place... but if i can ever get enough money together i will build a house almost exactly like the condo... i can park in the visitors area... got permission to park there now..... they even moved the dumpster down to where it is suppossed to be to make room for me just today...

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