heading toward winter
I've had a few blue days. I hate the wind howling around the house and the rain smashing against the windows when I am alone. Just a couple of days of that and I can feel blue. I can tell now that winter with it's short grey days is coming and do not look forward to that with joy. But I have warm clothes and a roof over my head, enough food in the freezer so I don't have to shop in the bad weather and no-one but me to worry about so I should feel happy with that.
My daughter and family were coming this week for a few days but somehow our wires got crossed and now they are not. I love to have them here but as a spur of the moment decision it was really bad timing. I get the three little ones again for three days from tomorrow and would have been pushed to find room for all anyway. I love visitors but not all at once. I was also thinking about going down to them just for a few days but something else has come up, a funeral to go to, a market day to help with, little things that fill my life.
I had my preaching day today. It is all three services so 8am, 9.30am and 6pm. Not large attendences as our churchyard is a mess, the old hall having been pulled down last week so a lot of the older folk didn't come for fear there wouldn't be parking for them. I am happier when the church isn't full and feel more confident when I am preaching to people I know so it was fine. I always think I write things I need to confirm in my mind so for me a sermon is much like a blog and as I preached on widows which struck a note with those who were also widows and we all learned together. We widows can still be of service to our community and find plenty to keep us busy.
The first week of the school holidays was mostly fine but with much colder weather predicted for this week. There has been the first light snow on the Snowy Mountians and as the winds were blowing from that direction there was a distinct chill in the air. I know compared to the winters most of you have ours are laughable but our open plan houses are hard to heat and a chill in the air is a chill in the air wherever you are. So time for the dressing gowns and slippers to come out and the summer clothes to go away in favour of warmer clothes. Bah Humbug!!!
I am learning to have regrets but not punish myself for the mistakes I make. I did communion in hospital for a lady who thinks of herself as an old friend of mine. I don't know if it was the painkillers she was on but she was quite strident and argumentative when I took the communion to her. I still went through the motions but was unhappy with what was happening. Maybe I need to check things out with the staff before I do that again. It is all a learning curve dealing with people and their personalities. When you deal with older folk in a hospital setting you have to take into account reaction to medication and the possibility of dementia clouding a mind as a part of the equation. Help! I need more training before I move forward!
It looks like I will be going to a couple of funerals this coming week. One on Wednesday afternoon so I will do chat, give the two boys their lunch and then get dressed for the funeral so that I am ready when Pam comes back to get them. The 24th of April is Tori's birthday, she will be twelve so she and a girlfriend and Pam are going out for a special lunch while the boys stay here with me. Twelve already, oh my! She is already giving me a peck on the cheek instead of a hug so showing signs of moving into those teenage years with a year yet to go!
Life moves forward but slowly. Not too many changes for me to cope with. I am trying to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, to be grateful for a letter in the post, an email in my inbox, a phone call from a friend. On the days when none of those happen I try to be glad of the solitude, that I am no longer wrung out by trying to meet someone else's care needs. But if it would bring my dear Ray back to me I would go through it all again for sure.