Dan's surgery was a month ago and he's been in a nursing home for rehab for two weeks. I've seen Dan frustrated, angry, tired, connected to machines with tubes going into and out of his body. I have never, in 36 years, seen him this mean and hurtful. Not just to me, to everyone. He is verbally abusive to everyone at the facility, to Jeff, and to me. He never used to curse and now it comes out of his mouth like the air he breathes. The F word is now used as often as any other word coming out of his mouth.
This past Wednesday was the worst. He was angry because Jeff told him that refusing a shower was not an option. Jeff said that they transferred him to a shower bed (never seen one before this) and wheeled him into the shower room. There was a heater, the water was hot enough, the aides were all very gentle with him. He fired Jeff more than once (of course that will NOT happen!) and called everyone every bad name you could ever think of to call another person. I arrived just before the nurse came in with his meds. As usual, he refused them. At home I choose not to argue about pills. I usually bargain with him to take this one and this one and skip the other ones. I tried this on Wednesday and he told me he was going to find the nastiest, dirtiest place to send me and he was going to get his gun and shoot me. Then he told me to leave. I picked up my purse, told him if he takes the two pills I would leave. He stared me down, took the pills, and I left. I haven't gone back and will not go back until Monday. I need a break.
He says he's ready to die and I believe him. I don't blame him in the least. He's been through more than I could ever imagine. My original plan for if and when this became the case, was to bring him home for hospice care. There is no way I will bring him home when he is this mean and hurtful. It takes me a long time to give up like I have. Unfortunately, I've given up. There's a care meeting on Wednesday to discuss with Dan, PT, OT, Psych, and the nurses options...what does Dan really want? Does he really understand? What can the facility do to help/assist.
Before anyone says he can't help it, it's not him, etc. etc. etc. I know he can't help it, it's not him, blah, blah, blah. I've heard it and said it for four years. Hopefully he'll be a little better by Monday. They're changing meds and trying to calm him down. I'm just so very tired. I'm also very sad.